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The Greatest News Story in the World (NVGR)
Aerox \| 1:31 PM on 09.24.2008	23 comments

I'm not providing any commentary, aside from pointing out the terrible writing style (You don't need to say "The Baltimore Examiner reported" three times fuckers) because it speaks for itself. Enjoy.

Man Goes to Court After Butt Stapled Shut
Patient claims he couldn't defecate for 17 days

BALTIMORE - A West Virginia man is suing a Frederick County, Md., doctor for allegedly stapling his rectum shut during an operation, preventing the patient from defecating for 17 days, The Baltimore Examiner reported.

The mistake allegedly took place when Ronald Watkins, 64, had surgery for a rectal tumor, according to his lawsuit.

Dr. Manuel Casiano's lawyer said Watkins' bowels merely became "swollen shut," The Baltimore Examiner reported.

Since the surgery, Watkins experiences "rectal discharge" and must wipe 12 to 15 times a day, and he has had other procedures that otherwise would have been unnecessary, according to his attorneys.

The defense said Watkins' smoking two packs a day contributed to his bowel problems, The Baltimore Examiner reported.

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23 comments | showing # 1 to 23

Phantom Spaceman says:
(# 0) on 09/24/2008 13:43

"...preventing the patient from defecating for 17 days...".

Somehow this seems unlikely.

blehman says:
(# 1) on 09/24/2008 13:44

Heheheh...nice. Here's another good one.

Man Passes Gas, Charged with Battery on Officer

Chad Concelmo says:
(# 2) on 09/24/2008 13:46

Wow. Um ...

masterledz says:
(# 3) on 09/24/2008 13:47

"You don't need to say "The Baltimore Examiner reported" three times fuckers"

Actually, you do Aerox. I'm studying journalism right now and you should always attribute each claim with a source, no matter how repetitive it sounds. Otherwise, your ass can get sued (whether or not it was stapled shut.

Aerox says:
(# 4) on 09/24/2008 13:48

At the very least change the sentence up so that it's not the exact same every time.

masterledz says:
(# 5) on 09/24/2008 13:55

True, in that sense, it was poorly written.

BTW, thanks for sharing this. I pooped a little after reading it.

NihonTiger90 says:
(# 6) on 09/24/2008 14:04

Ledz is correct on that one. Proper attribution is a must unless it can be clearly inferred from the context. In this case, it makes sense to attribute it to the Examiner's reporting.

And I agree that the sentence was written very poorly.

BS3 Owner says:
(# 7) on 09/24/2008 14:12

*Lesson Learned*

Never have surgery in Baltimore.
( I was going to say something BUT i'll save it for later. )

:P

king3vbo says:
(# 8) on 09/24/2008 14:19

I think smoking 2 packs a day could do something like that

vexed alex says:
(# 9) on 09/24/2008 14:28

...Now I feel like going to the bathroom.

RICHARD BLOCKER says:
(# 10) on 09/24/2008 15:14

Was this guys name Larry Lester?

(whoever gets this reference, win 3 internets.)

Spartacus says:
(# 11) on 09/24/2008 15:16

Icky.

Dexter345 says:
(# 12) on 09/24/2008 15:22

Eh, I've seen greater.

Steel Squirrel says:
(# 13) on 09/24/2008 15:35

Rectal discharge FTW!

Knives says:
(# 14) on 09/24/2008 15:57

Blog of the day right here!

CelicaCrazed says:
(# 15) on 09/24/2008 17:31

I'm not sure who it was but one of my roommates pooped on the toilet seat sometime during the night. Not something you want to wake up to in the morning.

Corak says:
(# 16) on 09/24/2008 17:46

Not pooping for 17 days? Is that possible? I call bullshit. Also, smoking 2 packs a day can do that too? Never heard that before either. Thought you'd have lung problems before your asshole would swell shut.

Krahsh says:
(# 17) on 09/24/2008 17:56

wtf..

CrocBox says:
(# 18) on 09/24/2008 23:08

haha wow... this may have made my night xD

naia-the-gamer says:
(# 19) on 09/25/2008 00:15

This story has made me laugh all day.

V3r1n says:
(# 20) on 10/11/2008 01:02

So, if you don't shit for 17 days, does it start to back up and make it back to the stomach? It'd be South Park mouth pooping in about 20 days I'm sure

Tristero says:
(# 21) on 10/22/2008 20:20

I remember when I went to summer camp in elementary school and none of the bathroom stalls had doors, so I just waited for an entire week until I got home before I took care of business. A week was brutal - I can't imagine 17 days.

nebones says:
(# 22) on 11/24/2008 04:37

DEXTER EXPECTS BETTER

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