I hate to say it, but I've been doing a bit too much reflecting lately, and I've come to the conclusion that I'm in a way ashamed of who I am.
I'm guessing it started from high school, for you see, I fucking loved comics & videogames. I had my folders plastered with Spawn, Mortal Kombat and Final Fantasy and I didn't think anything of it because I FUCKING LOVED those things. You could probably say that at that age I was spending way too much time focusing on that shit rather than focusing on other things like sports and girls. As I went through the years at high school I slowly started realizing that the things I loved just didn't seem to be what the majority of other kids were into. At first this didn't seem to bother me, until I started to get openly mocked for being into comics and games, and once I had built a reputation around myself, it stuck with me for the next 6 years, from Yr 7 right through to Yr 12. Guys would bully me because I was an easy target as "the geek", and girls wouldn't talk to me because of the embarrassment that would come as a result of with being seen with that nerdy kid. All of this because I was openly a fan of games and other elements of geek culture.
Of course that’s just high school, and I'm sure a lot of you went through a similar experience yourselves. Once we all grow up we finally realize how dumb and pointless that crap was and we move on. We go out, meet people, make friends, meet women (or men), get laid, and no one judges you based on any bullshit pre-conceived notions. You are who you are and you should be fucking proud of that fact every day of your life...... yet for some of us, letting go of those old habits just isn't that easy.
I've taken too long to build up to this point, but the fact is that I'm still ashamed to tell most people that I'm into videogames. Maybe I'm busy making the assumption that people just won't get it, maybe I can't be bothered explaining myself if questions are asked, but the answer is more than likely that I'm still stuck in the habit of worrying too much about being judged because of what I'm into.
So how do I deal with it? Well, Instead of being open, I just hide who I am. It's not like I lie to people about it, I just don't tell them everything there is to know when I'm asked what I’m into, what I've been doing, how was the weekend and so on.... the main problem though is that videogames seem to be such a big part of who I am and excluding them from what I choose to tell people doesn't really leave me with much left to talk about. I guess it's no surprise that I usually have trouble relating to people. My close friends know what I'm into of course, as they're all fairly serious gamers too, and while my ex-girlfriend was well aware of my love for gaming, her complete lack of interest in it always made me extremely self-conscious whenever I spoke about it in front of her so that didn't help.
Now.... I know what I’d tell someone if they told me this about themselves. I'm sure I'd find a nice enough way to say "Fuck off, you don't need to worry about what a single person thinks. You just have to be happy being who you are and if other people have a problem with that then they aren't worth fucking knowing in the first place. If you're happy with yourself then you don't have anything else to worry about". While this is the advice I'd expect from anyone who knew me, words are a great deal weaker than 14 years of self-suppression. It turns out that its a hard habit to kick. I'm definitely trying, and things are definitely getting easier in this respect, the process is definitely not as easy as I'd want it and at times i do still struggle with who I am, but I think I am slowly starting to finally learn to really accept myself so that I can learn to let others accept me too.
Now, just so you know, this isn't supposed to be some fuck-off emo-omg breakdown. I don't think my life is shit and I'm actually quite happy with things at the moment thank you very much, its just that I, like most other people I imagine, have thoughts about these kinds of things at times. I'm just here expressing myself a bit and opening up. So... while I’ve gone and opened my heart a little, how about you share a bit yourself. Does anyone feel the same way, or am I alone on this one?
Once again, thanks for reading.
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I went through this when I was younger and you know what? I took me 10 years to figure out that the girls and friends I was trying to keep weren't a good fit for me anyway. However, that's much easier to say after having gone through it.
Put it aside and see how it works for you. If you're still unhappy with your social scene, maybe it's time to move on and out.
I respect this post and you, but in general I hate people like you. I have friends like this. Actually just today I made a halo 3 beam sword in woodshop (it was small) and I was showing it off. 2 of my friends thought it was awesome and were messing with it and stuff. But my other friend yelled at me to put it away, called it gay, and eventually broke it. I'm open about my nerdiness but perhaps its because I have nothing to be self conscious about. I don't get bullied, I look alright, I'm fit, I have friends, and I never had much of a problem with girls.
whoa, long comment is long.
In any case I hope you come to terms with your problem and learn to embrace yourself and your hobbies.
Kids in my school don't bully nerds, now it's all about the gay kids.
I used to be like this, but at least over the past two years I've started just blathering about games to people. Some still don't give a crap, and some probably think a little less of me for it (since that kind of nerdy stigma prevails inspite of the wii's success it seems), but it's worth it to be able to share the experience with other people.
I was in the same banana boat as Niero. I hid my many pleasures in life(anime, manga, video games(except for stuff like Madden or GTA), etc.) from my friends for years before I lost them all. Looking back it really wasn't worth it, and most of the friends I had were just not right for me.
Finding a social scene for gamers is insanely difficult in the RL. It doesn't help most of us are inherently reclusive, or that as a result of said introversion it's hard to relate to gamers even if you do meet them. Then online there are assholes who are ironically just as judgmental despite themselves.
You've just got to know what you want to get out of great places like Destructoid and act accordingly. Start discussions, contribute positively, and you'll see people reciprocate. If games are in your heart then you've got to share that with people.
I know how you feel, as I have felt that way as well. I've never been bullied or pestered that way, but I can imagine how bad it could be. It looks like you're on the right path, so I wish the best of luck to you and anyone with the same problem. Although, I must say, I am not much favorable among ladies myself...
@ NIERO: Cheers man. Thats basically what I'm working on doing now by not trying to dump my friends & networks and look for new ones, but to just be honest and open about myself with them from now on. I figure that if these people are really the right ones that I want to be hanging around, then they'll stick around regardless.
Just be cool and be yourself man. Once people see you're confident in what you are, and are willing to stick up for yourself, any bullying, etc. should stop as well. I now own over 800 goddamn games, and there's always those people who think I'm a big nerd, and socilaly retarded and such, but you know what, they're the ones that end up looking like tards.
Everyone likes different things, and pretty much everyone collects something. Using simple logic defeats the majority of these people, and if some of your so called "friends" are treating you badly and such for embracing something you like, then maybe they really aren't your friend, as they can't respect you liking something they don't.
A lot of it has to do with confidence. So long as you don't completely fit the "video game nerd" stereotype, and you believe in yourself and are open about your passion, then you shouldn't really have any issues. Might be hard at first if you have to move on from your current friends, but you'll be better for it, plus you may find people you didn't know were interested in games at the same time. Just for a kick of confidence, I have a friend who has participated in Hawaiian Tropics Bikini Shows that loves coming over to my place and play games and all . . . although, it might also help that I'm the most handsome and charming Asian guy around . . . ;-D Hahaha!
@adultswim810:
Wow, seems like your friend is feeling a bit like me, but he's just dealing with it in the wrong way (like, the worst fucking way, he broke your sword?? wtf!!)
And for the record, nowadays I don't have much trouble with the ladies, in fact, I'm sure I could give Mr Destructoid a run for his money.
I see where you are coming from, but I can't really relate. I am a senior in high school, but our school enrollment is only 120 people. Because of this nearly everybody socializes with everyone. Once in awhile somebody might get singled out, (it is high school), but I think our school and town being tiny helps out with fitting in.
I'm commenting on adultswim810's comment. My name is Agathor, and you may not believe me, but im here as a prophet of dismal tidings, in the year 2077, earth will undergo humanity's Armageddon. we, the nerds as you call us, will survive, in enormous underground chambers, called vaults. in short, you should move to Washington DC and live out your days on cockroaches and molerats. I AM THE LONE WANDERER, and i fix wooden plasma swords.
nope
I can't say i've been ashamed of being a gamer at all in my life. In fact, i can recall bragging to the hottest girl in my class about how back when i was 14-15 myself and a handful of friends were on a CS team sponsered by a local lan center. She may have thought i was a bit nerdy, but she responded to my confidence and we ended up going out for dinner. If your friends are making fun of you, they obviously arnt good friends, and any girl worth your time will not only accept your hobby, they will help you embrace it. I can't tell you how many times i've come home from work and my girl has bought me Fallout 3, or Persona 4, or a DS w/ Pokemon. Just be who you are, and let the chips fall where they may.
I used to be very self concious about who I was in high school and in my earlier years. For many reasons, not only because I was into "geeky" thinks, but because of how I looked, and acted, as well. I was the "different" kid and I never really fit in with anyone.
As I matured into an adult, I figured out the things about myself that I didn't like, which didn't necessarily revolve around only that issue, but was largely influenced by it. Then I started to do the exact same thing you are doing now, changing things about myself, little by little, and now I am at this really great place.
I now know who I am, and what I stand for and represent, I hit the gym a little bit, and lost a little weight, toned up, and went vegetarian.
I am not saying that is the option for you, I don't know what you need, I just think that maybe by following your instructions in your blog, and telling you a bit about myself, you might see something in there that is an option for you, or relate a bit, and it may make you feel a bit better.
But I must say, I have never had more fun, than when I was being competitive with friends with regard to video games, and I would never keep the gamer side of myself "closeted" because, I don't care if people don't like me because of that. Frankly its better to keep those kinds of people out of your life, and keep people you can relate to, and find enjoyment within your life, with those people that share your common interests.
With regard to dating to, you may never find a woman who wants to take part, but if someone can't at least understand that this is something that is a big part of your life, and attempt to find a way in a little bit, then perhaps it is best that they are no longer part of it. Relationships are all about compromises.
I hope you make a hasty evolution.
-Dan
Nah.
I was one of the most popular guys in high school, and popluar in college, and openly said I was a gamer. No hassle from anyone else, well maybe because they were scared of me!!
You know the people who used to bully other people? I was a part of thier gang, even though I never bullied someone, the fact that I continued being thier freind and part of the 'tog dogs' in High school made me no better than them. I was an asshole in High school, but tried, sometimes, not to be. :(
In college it was the same, but without the bullying, somehow I was with the 'cool kids' and hanged out with them, even telling them about the shit I do in games and how I played Kratos, a greek spartan that killed the living shit out of every monster he meets. Me telling them about God of War is something I'll never forget, because it made them understand gaming a little better, and they were genuienly interested.
Maybe because I am just a gamer, outside of my passion of gaming and my love for Dtoid, I just live life. I don't have a collection of games or other stuff and never bother keeping games unless I can replay them, which is very rare. I don't really collect gaming related stuff and just chill out and play games, since I was a kid. :)
I hope to God that everything works out for you, and that you find out for yourself who you are. I would say this is a nice read, but that would be insulting, rather I'll call the blog very insightful. :)
Yes, in a way I was there once. Well my case was different, is different. Tons of people play games in my high school, but nobody plays the shit I do. Every jock played GTA4, majority of people I knew who were gamers did as well... I was the guy playing Drawf Fortress instead. So, I don't talk with the other gamers in my school, they just play the mainstream whatevers-in-the-commericals stuff, while I'm more in the indie and obscure gaming scene. There's a few people that are into indie gaming like me though, and with those guy's, I chat it up about Doukutsu Monogatari, or we just marvel at how awesome the Fez trailer was nowadays.
I also kinda feel where your coming from... I'm at a school where asians are very scarce lol (its just a thing where you kind of perfer your own race as a first to meet in the priority list y'know?). So its hard meeting new people when majority of the school consists of one race that practically have similar interests and or closely bonded with other people who are interested in same thing. Not trying to be racist or anything, but its daunting seeing a huge crowd of people practically talking about the same things over and over again. It is like finding the right stage to download in the sea of fail in little big planet, you are not interested in most of em but just a select few. Might as well let good stages hit you than going through all the effort in finding em y'know.
This is why I stick with the friends I already have, and never shy away from talking to people of the opposite interest. If they bash your interests, so be it! they dont know how it's like to have a hobby like yours and its pointless if your explanation dosn't interest them. If they do seem interested, don't overcrowd a noob with insane amounts of information, its scary lol.
P.S. I actually have multicultural friends
P.S. Sorry if this is a mindless babble... =(
A college dorm actually helped me here. My third year of school, I wound up finally taking my Gamecube with me, and so it turns out, my roommate since the year prior played Melee. So did just about everyone in the hall. I sucked at it, but I formed a close friendship with a good number of people there and we wound up staying in the hall together the year after. Those people are probably the best friends I've ever had.
Now, as for the people back home...well, I didn't exactly have strong bonds with them, and for the most part I was merely an outsider and padding to their Facebook friend list. A bitter view I know, but it's sadly true. I have under 20 people I would truly consider friends, and not a single one is from my own hometown nor are any people I went to school with for upwards of 12 years. =P
I'm not ashamed of being a gamer by any means. I'm already socially-awkward with "normal" people and while I suppose that's a setback, I've never been particularly popular with them anyway. I mean, I've always stood out. Been a lot taller than my peers when we were in grade school. Had my eyes on the most popular girl in middle school. Had a mullet in high school. Yeah, not ashamed at all.
Besides, I like saying stuff like "But a Sableye or Spiritomb hacked with Wonder Guard IS invincible!...mostly" and people not understanding what I mean.
@ Adultswim
IF SOMEONE BROKE MY ENERGY SWORD I WOULD FUCK THEM UP!
Love Atlas
This is a hard one to answer to an extent. As an adult, it's gotten easier, but now it's the weird long pauses and stares when you show passion for something that isn't in their realm of crap TV shows, marriage, kids and what they had for dinner last night. I don't hide who I am or my viewpoints, but it doesn't mean I can't hold regular conversations. Heh, it's not really a problem now since I'm starting up my own business, but simply being a gamer has really tested me as a person. Whenever going against the norm, I've always taken the long, thorny route yet it's likely made me a stronger person because of it.
As long as I can remember, it's been more of a struggle to be recognized as a gamer at all. Being a girl in the arcades back in the mid-90s, it was hard enough to simply get a chance to play SFII. I wasn't watching them play because I was forced there; I was there to kick some ass with Guile or Chun-Li. By the time the typical group of players realized I was there to play and not pick them up, the arcade closed as many did at that time. That's simply one instance in the many over the years.
I tried doing the normal stuff to try to fit in when I was a pre-teen and that bombed disastrously. So when girls were reading whatever popular teen magazine was at the time, I would be picking up the EGM instead. I thought 'to hell with this teen garbage' and stuck to everything I loved and I still do. To compromise to fit in is selling yourself short.
Denying what truly makes you happy will eventually catch up to you. I've seen it once where a hardcore gamer friend sold most of his extensive domestic & import collection, married a decent woman who didn't have a clue about gaming and finally started to complain about missing games. Like Niero said, try it out and see if it's for you. :)
My girlfriend thinks it's cute that I'm a nerd..........yeah, I don't get it either, but I'm not complaining.
I am only quiet regarding video games because deep down I think they are serious business and I'm worried if I start talking I won't shut up.
There is nothing wrong with trying something new to see if its for you. Who knows you may like it.
Back when I was younger I did play games but not nearly as much as I do now, being an adult with a job gives me more time and cash to spend on such hobbies than before. But seeing as I play videogames a lot in my spare time I am still reluctant to talk to others about them. As thefil said I'm worried that if I start talking about them at a bar with friends, who aren't all that into gaming, that I'll talk all night and won't listen to what they are saying. Most of my friends are into gaming but we really don't talk about them all that much when we go out. We talk about other shit, like news, movies, or sports mostly, but we do talk about games a little.
I wouldn't worry about the women that much, most will roll their eyes when you mention your gaming habits, but as long they don't berate you for playing them and understand your hobby thats about all you can hope for. However, you can't neglect her for your games either. Also, be ready to share in her hobbies as well, even if you don't like them, relationships are not a one way street. If you are confident in your hobbies she might be attracted to that more than if you are shy about it.
I say see what else your friends are into that you normally wern't interested in and try that. I had a friend that played raquetball at the gym and I never got why. But one day I played it with him and man it was fun, good cardio too, tired me out. Plus it was right in front of the stairmasters and the women got to watch us, we had some fun with that, goofed around, made them laugh, stuff like that.
Also I thought I read a while back about a commencement speech that Bill Gates gave at some school where he said "Be nice to the geeks...chances are you'll end up working for one." As semi-funny as that is, its true as well.
I was pretty much an outcast all through high school, but knowing that upfront made it easier to just wear my anime shirts and not care that everyone thought I was weird. I had a stint in collage where I realized everyone else seemed to be taking things far more seriously then I was and had to buckle down a bit and wear more "grownup" attire.
I still don't lead into conversations by professing my love of gaming and cartoons, but like most of the nerdery I choose to dabble in if the topic comes up I'm more then happy to jump right into it.
I stopped playing in late highschool and early college because of the stress of school, girlfriends, others expectations, etc... but I missed it so I went back. I'm in my mid-20's and proud to spend a good deal of my freetime gaming, reading about the industry, and frequenting sites like this.
Everyone needs a hobby. This is at least more interactive than watching sports and getting drunk with friends (heck, even they have their fantasy football leagues... aka, turning watching sports into a game).
Don't be ashamed. Just be you. What right do others really have to judge you anyway?