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I hate to say it, but I've been doing a bit too much reflecting lately, and I've come to the conclusion that I'm in a way ashamed of who I am. I'm guessing it started from high school, for you see, I fucking loved comics & videogames. I had my folders plastered with Spawn, Mortal Kombat and Final Fantasy and I didn't think anything of it because I FUCKING LOVED those things. You could probably say that at that age I was spending way too much time focusing on that shit rather than focusing on other things like sports and girls. As I went through the years at high school I slowly started realizing that the things I loved just didn't seem to be what the majority of other kids were into. At first this didn't seem to bother me, until I started to get openly mocked for being into comics and games, and once I had built a reputation around myself, it stuck with me for the next 6 years, from Yr 7 right through to Yr 12. Guys would bully me because I was an easy target as "the geek", and girls wouldn't talk to me because of the embarrassment that would come as a result of with being seen with that nerdy kid. All of this because I was openly a fan of games and other elements of geek culture. Of course that’s just high school, and I'm sure a lot of you went through a similar experience yourselves. Once we all grow up we finally realize how dumb and pointless that crap was and we move on. We go out, meet people, make friends, meet women (or men), get laid, and no one judges you based on any bullshit pre-conceived notions. You are who you are and you should be fucking proud of that fact every day of your life...... yet for some of us, letting go of those old habits just isn't that easy. I've taken too long to build up to this point, but the fact is that I'm still ashamed to tell most people that I'm into videogames. Maybe I'm busy making the assumption that people just won't get it, maybe I can't be bothered explaining myself if questions are asked, but the answer is more than likely that I'm still stuck in the habit of worrying too much about being judged because of what I'm into. So how do I deal with it? Well, Instead of being open, I just hide who I am. It's not like I lie to people about it, I just don't tell them everything there is to know when I'm asked what I’m into, what I've been doing, how was the weekend and so on.... the main problem though is that videogames seem to be such a big part of who I am and excluding them from what I choose to tell people doesn't really leave me with much left to talk about. I guess it's no surprise that I usually have trouble relating to people. My close friends know what I'm into of course, as they're all fairly serious gamers too, and while my ex-girlfriend was well aware of my love for gaming, her complete lack of interest in it always made me extremely self-conscious whenever I spoke about it in front of her so that didn't help. Now.... I know what I’d tell someone if they told me this about themselves. I'm sure I'd find a nice enough way to say "Fuck off, you don't need to worry about what a single person thinks. You just have to be happy being who you are and if other people have a problem with that then they aren't worth fucking knowing in the first place. If you're happy with yourself then you don't have anything else to worry about". While this is the advice I'd expect from anyone who knew me, words are a great deal weaker than 14 years of self-suppression. It turns out that its a hard habit to kick. I'm definitely trying, and things are definitely getting easier in this respect, the process is definitely not as easy as I'd want it and at times i do still struggle with who I am, but I think I am slowly starting to finally learn to really accept myself so that I can learn to let others accept me too. Now, just so you know, this isn't supposed to be some fuck-off emo-omg breakdown. I don't think my life is shit and I'm actually quite happy with things at the moment thank you very much, its just that I, like most other people I imagine, have thoughts about these kinds of things at times. I'm just here expressing myself a bit and opening up. So... while I’ve gone and opened my heart a little, how about you share a bit yourself. Does anyone feel the same way, or am I alone on this one? Once again, thanks for reading.
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Living the dream since March 16, 2006
Living the dream since March 16, 2006
Put it aside and see how it works for you. If you're still unhappy with your social scene, maybe it's time to move on and out.
whoa, long comment is long.
In any case I hope you come to terms with your problem and learn to embrace yourself and your hobbies.
You've just got to know what you want to get out of great places like Destructoid and act accordingly. Start discussions, contribute positively, and you'll see people reciprocate. If games are in your heart then you've got to share that with people.
Everyone likes different things, and pretty much everyone collects something. Using simple logic defeats the majority of these people, and if some of your so called "friends" are treating you badly and such for embracing something you like, then maybe they really aren't your friend, as they can't respect you liking something they don't.
A lot of it has to do with confidence. So long as you don't completely fit the "video game nerd" stereotype, and you believe in yourself and are open about your passion, then you shouldn't really have any issues. Might be hard at first if you have to move on from your current friends, but you'll be better for it, plus you may find people you didn't know were interested in games at the same time. Just for a kick of confidence, I have a friend who has participated in Hawaiian Tropics Bikini Shows that loves coming over to my place and play games and all . . . although, it might also help that I'm the most handsome and charming Asian guy around . . . ;-D Hahaha!
Wow, seems like your friend is feeling a bit like me, but he's just dealing with it in the wrong way (like, the worst fucking way, he broke your sword?? wtf!!)
And for the record, nowadays I don't have much trouble with the ladies, in fact, I'm sure I could give Mr Destructoid a run for his money.
As I matured into an adult, I figured out the things about myself that I didn't like, which didn't necessarily revolve around only that issue, but was largely influenced by it. Then I started to do the exact same thing you are doing now, changing things about myself, little by little, and now I am at this really great place.
I now know who I am, and what I stand for and represent, I hit the gym a little bit, and lost a little weight, toned up, and went vegetarian.
I am not saying that is the option for you, I don't know what you need, I just think that maybe by following your instructions in your blog, and telling you a bit about myself, you might see something in there that is an option for you, or relate a bit, and it may make you feel a bit better.
But I must say, I have never had more fun, than when I was being competitive with friends with regard to video games, and I would never keep the gamer side of myself "closeted" because, I don't care if people don't like me because of that. Frankly its better to keep those kinds of people out of your life, and keep people you can relate to, and find enjoyment within your life, with those people that share your common interests.
With regard to dating to, you may never find a woman who wants to take part, but if someone can't at least understand that this is something that is a big part of your life, and attempt to find a way in a little bit, then perhaps it is best that they are no longer part of it. Relationships are all about compromises.
I hope you make a hasty evolution.
-Dan
I was one of the most popular guys in high school, and popluar in college, and openly said I was a gamer. No hassle from anyone else, well maybe because they were scared of me!!
You know the people who used to bully other people? I was a part of thier gang, even though I never bullied someone, the fact that I continued being thier freind and part of the 'tog dogs' in High school made me no better than them. I was an asshole in High school, but tried, sometimes, not to be. :(
In college it was the same, but without the bullying, somehow I was with the 'cool kids' and hanged out with them, even telling them about the shit I do in games and how I played Kratos, a greek spartan that killed the living shit out of every monster he meets. Me telling them about God of War is something I'll never forget, because it made them understand gaming a little better, and they were genuienly interested.
Maybe because I am just a gamer, outside of my passion of gaming and my love for Dtoid, I just live life. I don't have a collection of games or other stuff and never bother keeping games unless I can replay them, which is very rare. I don't really collect gaming related stuff and just chill out and play games, since I was a kid. :)
I hope to God that everything works out for you, and that you find out for yourself who you are. I would say this is a nice read, but that would be insulting, rather I'll call the blog very insightful. :)
This is why I stick with the friends I already have, and never shy away from talking to people of the opposite interest. If they bash your interests, so be it! they dont know how it's like to have a hobby like yours and its pointless if your explanation dosn't interest them. If they do seem interested, don't overcrowd a noob with insane amounts of information, its scary lol.
P.S. I actually have multicultural friends
P.S. Sorry if this is a mindless babble... =(
Now, as for the people back home...well, I didn't exactly have strong bonds with them, and for the most part I was merely an outsider and padding to their Facebook friend list. A bitter view I know, but it's sadly true. I have under 20 people I would truly consider friends, and not a single one is from my own hometown nor are any people I went to school with for upwards of 12 years. =P
I'm not ashamed of being a gamer by any means. I'm already socially-awkward with "normal" people and while I suppose that's a setback, I've never been particularly popular with them anyway. I mean, I've always stood out. Been a lot taller than my peers when we were in grade school. Had my eyes on the most popular girl in middle school. Had a mullet in high school. Yeah, not ashamed at all.
Besides, I like saying stuff like "But a Sableye or Spiritomb hacked with Wonder Guard IS invincible!...mostly" and people not understanding what I mean.
IF SOMEONE BROKE MY ENERGY SWORD I WOULD FUCK THEM UP!
Love Atlas
As long as I can remember, it's been more of a struggle to be recognized as a gamer at all. Being a girl in the arcades back in the mid-90s, it was hard enough to simply get a chance to play SFII. I wasn't watching them play because I was forced there; I was there to kick some ass with Guile or Chun-Li. By the time the typical group of players realized I was there to play and not pick them up, the arcade closed as many did at that time. That's simply one instance in the many over the years.
I tried doing the normal stuff to try to fit in when I was a pre-teen and that bombed disastrously. So when girls were reading whatever popular teen magazine was at the time, I would be picking up the EGM instead. I thought 'to hell with this teen garbage' and stuck to everything I loved and I still do. To compromise to fit in is selling yourself short.
Denying what truly makes you happy will eventually catch up to you. I've seen it once where a hardcore gamer friend sold most of his extensive domestic & import collection, married a decent woman who didn't have a clue about gaming and finally started to complain about missing games. Like Niero said, try it out and see if it's for you. :)
Back when I was younger I did play games but not nearly as much as I do now, being an adult with a job gives me more time and cash to spend on such hobbies than before. But seeing as I play videogames a lot in my spare time I am still reluctant to talk to others about them. As thefil said I'm worried that if I start talking about them at a bar with friends, who aren't all that into gaming, that I'll talk all night and won't listen to what they are saying. Most of my friends are into gaming but we really don't talk about them all that much when we go out. We talk about other shit, like news, movies, or sports mostly, but we do talk about games a little.
I wouldn't worry about the women that much, most will roll their eyes when you mention your gaming habits, but as long they don't berate you for playing them and understand your hobby thats about all you can hope for. However, you can't neglect her for your games either. Also, be ready to share in her hobbies as well, even if you don't like them, relationships are not a one way street. If you are confident in your hobbies she might be attracted to that more than if you are shy about it.
I say see what else your friends are into that you normally wern't interested in and try that. I had a friend that played raquetball at the gym and I never got why. But one day I played it with him and man it was fun, good cardio too, tired me out. Plus it was right in front of the stairmasters and the women got to watch us, we had some fun with that, goofed around, made them laugh, stuff like that.
I still don't lead into conversations by professing my love of gaming and cartoons, but like most of the nerdery I choose to dabble in if the topic comes up I'm more then happy to jump right into it.
Everyone needs a hobby. This is at least more interactive than watching sports and getting drunk with friends (heck, even they have their fantasy football leagues... aka, turning watching sports into a game).
Don't be ashamed. Just be you. What right do others really have to judge you anyway?