My coworkers are fucking awesome. Within three days I got not one, but two Orange Box-esque gifts for my 24th birthday from Husky and DMV. Pictures over here.

You guys are awesome, and I love you in ways that you'll only understand when you find my hours of Dtoid staffer surveillance tapes and my Aaron/Husky/DMV erotic fanfiction in my laptop.

I up and restarted my old personal blog to put all the shit that doesn't really fit on the main page proper. So while I'm working on impressions posts, hands-on demonstrations and reviews here at Destructoid, I can write the long-winded inane shit that I used to write over yonder. So check it out, I guess.

The following may or may not be true. Nobody really knows what's going on with Jeff or what the reasons were exactly for his termination. But you don't have to piss outside to see which way the wind blows (or something), and enough credible folks have stood up with sources claiming to be from the inside. Something fucked up is going on.

But listen, that's not why I'm here. I'm here to commend all of you for being stand-up over this whole issue, to congratulate you for sticking up for honesty and integrity in those you trust to talk to you about games and such. The community backlash has been brutal, and if any of this actually ends up being true, it's certainly deserved. The latest news from the front, while by no means confirmed as real, certainly has the scent of legitimacy. But the closing paragraph is of particular interest:

"When companies make games as downright contemptible as Kane and Lynch, they deserve to be called on it. I guess you'll have to go to Onion or a smaller site for objective reviews now, because everyone at GS now thinks that if they give a low score to a high-profile game, they'll be shitcanned. Everyone's fucking scared and we're all hoping to get Josh Larson removed from his position because no one trusts him anymore. If that doesn't happen then look for every game to be Game of the Year material at GameSpot."

Since I started working the reviews beat here at Destructoid, this has been my mantra, one that I've pointed out in the flamewars that erupt within our reviews and even on our li'l reviews guide. The only thing that sucks more than wasted money is wasted time. If I have to pound through 10-15+ hours of a busted game to write a review, you damn well can bet that I'm going to tell you how excruciating those hours were.

It's no secret that we've pissed off some publishers with our work, but that's part and parcel to the gig. Rest assured that when you see a Destructoid review, regardless of how the score rubs you, it's as brutally honest as we can muster. So, those of you rooting for us, thanks. Keep demanding honesty and integrity from the publications you frequent, keep demanding that the expensive software you purchase is up to par, and keep supporting the lads that brave fire and brimstone to bring you the real deal.

Y'know, provided this all turns out to be true.

Against better judgment, I finally sat down for some Assassin's Creed, and I have to ask: who the fuck slipped crazy into the breakfast cereals of gamers everywhere?

This isn't a review, because we've already got one of those. Anthony was on the mark. Instead I'm curious as to why the hell a game like Assassin's Creed gets defended by gamers willing to hurl themselves in front of oncoming trains for it when UbiSoft didn't afford its customers the same courtesy. It didn't take longer than an hour -- just one hour -- for the game's formulaic approach to gameplay to become painfully apparent, and what I had heard whispered out of earshot from the Great and Terrible Internet (in dark alleys, behind closed doors) seemed quite true. It was an average game -- a beautiful, average game.

The game aside, I had a question. The pathology of fanboyism isn't difficult to understand, at least insofar as it relates to consoles; you find yourself in alliance with a particular system because, at least these days, consoles seem to represent some sort of set of ideals, design ethic or brand of consumer as opposed to just a company. But invoking a fiery defense of Assassin's Creed (and, by extension, UbiSoft Montreal) is a different matter.

I've asked this question several times, but it bears repeating: why fight so bloody hard to defend a company who has done nothing for you except profit off of your loyalty while failing to live up to expectations? The less we hold companies responsible for fucking up, the more likely they are to feed us shit. So if you hear someone calling Assassin's Creed a "nearly perfect" game, punch them in the stomach and tell them that spreading such talk is like rat poison to our industry.

As an editor for Destructoid, a fair bit of swag comes my way. Okay, not very much swag at all -- a t-shirt there, a mousepad here, a Phantom Hourglass made of tin and a Bomberman duffel bag I had to claim from fierce competitors in a Bomberman Live tournament at Hudson's offices. We've also been doing more reviews and as such have been receiving more games. A package arrived today that I really, really hoped was Flash Focus, but as it turned out--

Crisps. Fuckin' crisps! Nintendo-branded and Wii-contest-sportin' crisps, but crisps nonetheless. They came in a big-ass box with lots of padding, 'cos, y'know -- don't want to damage them crisps.

Until January 25 or so they're going to be branding Pringles with Nintendo trivia and characters and shit, printed directly onto the pringle. There's also some kind of contest going on where you can find codes printed on the crisps and enter them in on the Pringles website or somesuch to win a Wii and, presumably, more crisps.

So, to recap: Nick Chester, svelte and suave editor-in-chief of Destructoid gets unbelievably fuckin' hip Beretta replicas from Midway; Aaron Linde, rotund yet lovable and cuddly reviews editor of Destructoid gets a can of pringles. Sounds like someone's trying to send me a message.



Nintendoooooooooooooooooooooo!

Just finished Portal. Took about 2.5 hours, all told -- didn't really get stuck for more than 5 minutes.

Brief? Very. But still one of the best Goddamn games I've played in a long, long time.

Look for my review tomorrow evening, and HL2E2 the day after. Anthony's covering TF2.