So I hear there have been some INCREDIBLE SHENANIGANS going on around these parts as of late.
Please be aware that I have been ignoring them with UNEXPECTED SUCCESS. I've been so successful in
ignoring it all, actually, that I didn't even know any of this shit was going on until just this evening! You might
say that I am out of the loop. But if you said that, I'd be forced to beat you to death.

Lots of things have changed since I used to check the site every ten minutes, because it was my job to do so.
Chief among them: Jim Sterling is no longer a snugglebear. Oh no. He is a now classified as a
SNUGGLENAUT in the classical taxonomy. Consult the nearest biologist for local confirmation!

Also, you guys use the forums a lot more than you used to. Back in my day, the forums were the place where
you posted pictures of CTZ passed out the dark corner of a bar, awash in his own (we pray, anyway) vomit.
But now it's used for talking. How 'bout that?

Anyway, some of you have said things in these forums regarding my return to feature-writing. I assure you
that when I think of an idea that isn't completely without value, I will belch it upon you all, provided that the
whip-cracking nazis what run this joint are cool with me publishing stuff every now and then. That being said,
I have a VERY IMPORTANT addendum to this statement:

Some of you are laboring under the impression that my association with Destructoid is vested entirely in the
warm embrace of Nick Chester I mean Podtoid. But did you know that I used to write on this very site? It's
true! Why, the one year anniversary of my departure--celebrated by the remaining Destructoid staff with a
wine and cheese tasting/Roman orgy--was just a month ago. Nope, it's not all boners and Ocarina-hating.
There's a body of work in my dark and
mysterious past, as well.