Hallo, mine bitches.
I wrote a big goddamn feature about the history of Starmen and their campaigns to get EarthBound back in North America, with lots of new details that webmaster Reid Young had never revealed before, including:
Starmen's attempt to officially license Mother 3 in North America!
Nintendo's "cultural audit", which establishes how little they listen to their customers!
Other nonsense!
The article is over on Shacknews. I'm pleased with how it turned out, and I was hoping you lads could go take a gander at it. And if you like it, give it a digg, could you?
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Listen up, cretins! The Hori Fighter Stick 3 for the PS3 is now just $29.99 at GameStop, if you can manage to find one. Turns out there were two up here -- not many fighter/shmup fans, I guess? Anyway, it's fucking awesome, and pay no mind to the bullshit on the website or the sticker on the box -- the stick is compatible with legacy PlayStation titles, which means you can rock PSX Tekken 3 or PS2 Street Fighter Anniversary Collection with no problems whatsoever.
And CHRIST, it's amazing quality. That's Hori for you -- a solid piece of hardware. I dunno if the Hori Xbox 360 VF stick is similarly marked down, but that's next on my list -- an absolute must for Xbox Live Arcade.
Hori is the greatest company ever. For serious.
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Hey, kittens. Quick word is all, then we can get back to business as usual.
I've decided to step down as reviews editor at Destructoid, and I've done so for a couple of reasons. As some of you have already noticed, I've been doing daily newsin' over at Shacknews since the beginning of the year, and I'm quite fond of the gig. It pays my bills and, despite being wildly different than Destructoid, makes for a pretty fun job. My accepting the position was predicated on my ability to remain at Destructoid as reviews editor, because this is my first home and I wanted to keep active on the site that put me on the fucking map.
I thought I could balance working at two sites, but I may have overestimated by a smidge. As a result, my ability to manage reviews at Destructoid have suffered a bit -- nothing catastrophic, but my turnaround time on editing reviews, creating schedules and contacting companies for content has slowed a bit, and that just simply isn't good enough -- the staff, the readers, and everything Destructoid deserves better.
So I've passed along my responsibilities and I've done my best to ensure the transition will be a smooth and seamless one. The process began more than a week ago, and as you may have already observed, reviews are still intact and moving along even better than they had been. I trust it'll only get better from here.
I'll be around as a contributor, posting the occasional odd review or feature here and there and making my regularly scheduled weekly appearances on Podtoid, so don't start thinking that this is the last you'll see of me, bitches. Besides, who else is going to talk about jizz on that goddamn show? Nobody, that's who.
I wanted to thank all of you guys for supporting me during my time here. I signed on with Niero and co. way back in October of 2006, having sent a collection of writing samples to the boss on a whim during a miserable day at my old job, an assistant at a real estate company. But now I pay the bills with games journalism, and I owe all of that to Destructoid -- its editors, its creators, and most importantly, its readers.
Wherever I go and whatever job I take up, no matter what happens to me after now, it all started right here, a site and a community that was built by thousands upon thousands of hands. It's something we all did together. It'll always be my home. Thanks again for everything.
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HOIST THY ENVY UPON ME
Review coming on Friday!
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I'll expect my check in the mail, Nintendo.
Attached photos:
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So like, I was playing No More Heroes, on the second place ranking battle, against a dumb cunt. A dumb, stupid fucking cunt. It takes a long time to whittle her down, and once I had her pattern down I was going fine, except it was taking a long time until she started doing this bullshit fall to the ground crying bullshit AND I DIDN'T FALL FOR IT
NOT FOR ONE SECOND
BECAUSE I KNEW IT WAS AN INSTANT DEATH FUCKING THING
AND I HAD HER DOWN TO LIKE 5% HEALTH AND THIS FUCKING CUNT FALLS TO THE GROUND RIGHT AFTER I FINISHED A COMBO ON HER AND THE GAME WAS LIKE HEY WHOA YOU'RE NEAR HER SO LIKE INSTANT DEATH FOR YOU
DUDE WHAT TKA HGGK AJGLKGA JA SHE KICKED THE SHIT OUT OF ME AND I WAS SL HJCL HFFDLKJDGLG G LKG EHGRKLGSRGSRGRS
MOTHERFUCKERS
So, uh -- great game. But that shit is goddamn ridiculous.
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Minutes ago, a new tip hit our emailer. The subject was "FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: ARE YOU READY TO GO BALLS DEEP?"
Huh.
A press release with that sort of subject tends to kick up a great deal of thought. What publisher in their right minds would put out a release like that one unless it was aimed at generating interest in one of the worst-reviewed games in recent years? This had to be about Balls of Fury, I thought, and clicked--
(Beverly Hills, CA) Have you ever had a fantasy about that guy working on your house? You know the one—rippling muscles, sweat glistening off his skin, he stops his work and starts a new construction project on you?
Well, no, can't say that I have. Well, maybe just once, but only when I was really drunk, and even then -- hey, wait a minute. How exactly does this relate to Balls of Fury, enigmatic press release monkey? I don't remember hearing anything about that in the game--
Well, boys, you can have this and a “hole” lot more if you play your cards right.
Oh shit, gay porn! I've been hornswaggled!
Inexplicably, Destructoid routinely receives press releases from Hustler Video. I can only assume that this is a holdover from our robot-and-pornstars shenanigans from last year's CES or something, because it's not as though we regularly post that kind of stuff.
But the best thing about this: minutes after it shows up in our mailer inbox, I've got six other editors running me down on GTalk to tell me about it. Balls Deep? This is relevant to Linde's interest! He must comment on it!
It's certainly not the strangest thing that's ever turned up in our inbox -- hey, it's just porn, after all -- but it certainly has the best subject line I've ever seen.
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Over here. Wooooooooooooooo
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My coworkers are fucking awesome. Within three days I got not one, but two Orange Box-esque gifts for my 24th birthday from Husky and DMV. Pictures over here.
You guys are awesome, and I love you in ways that you'll only understand when you find my hours of Dtoid staffer surveillance tapes and my Aaron/Husky/DMV erotic fanfiction in my laptop.
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