An Open Letter to DC Concerning MK vs. DC - Destructoid

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Hello, my name is AHumbleMrPerfect. I've been lurking in the shadows since before Snaileb had a gyrating stormtrooper for an avatar. I am a current student, future hobo at Northern Michigan University. I am so close to Canada, that a moose busted my washing room window two years ago (it was on CNN). When I'm not wrasslin' grizzlies, drinking away the cold and lonely winter, or bedding large hirsute women (reference grizzlies), I'm gaming.

I game like the 70-year old women in casinos smoke, like it's the only thing keeping me alive. I owe Topher a slurpee, for I am pleasantly enamored with shmups and am currently blazing my lazers. I Smash, I Halo, I do everything a good little consumer whore should do. I have no top five games due to my schizophrenic nature, but 1st party nintendo games scratch my itch the most regularly. To get an idea, I played through oracle of seasons and ages to the point where I collected around 22 heart containers (which sucked because it stopped at 20). I am at the point in my life where I am expanding my tastes, which includes the aforementioned shmups, and fighters. Guilty gear is my new guilty pleasure, due to the fact that the guy I play with has a MONOCLE.

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Dear DC,

A good chef knows when and how to mix proper tastes in order to make a dish more than the sum of its parts. He knows what flavors work well together: mint and chocolate, steak and red wine, etc. etc. Intellectual properties work in much the same way. The point I'm trying to make is that the mixture of Mortal Kombat and DC is much akin to mixing yogurt and mayonnaise.

To carry this half-assed metaphor farther down Fail Avenue, some myopic dingleberry at Midway probably saw these two IP's and thought, "Hey, these two things have the same consistency and color! We should put them together! I am so hip!" So Mr. Dingleberry called you with terrible brain-abortion. And one of your higher-ups, I'll call him Mr. Suckington, well Mr. Suckington thought this was just swell.

Well, Mr. Dingleberry and Mr. Suckington both forgot the most important part of this mixture, flavor. In this case, how it will play, and what a person will play it for.

There are three camps looking disinterestedly at this game: The MK purists, the DC fanboys (yours truly), and those who just want a semi-decent fighter to while away a few hours.

The MK purists are those who want a bloodier game experience, like the seminal MK 2. The symbol of this movement seems to be everyone on the messageboards sounding out "No fatalities, LAYM." What needs to be said, however, is why fatalities are practically an impossible dream. The inclusion of such iconic characters as Superman and Batman necessitate that there will be no overt death scenes.

Which of your PR guy wants to go to bat for you when Fox News comes after him, screaming that his company's new videogame made this little guy cry after his icon got his head ripped off by a yellow ninja? Seriously, LOOK AT HIM.

If you knew going into this partnership that there would be no fatalities, then you were going in knowing that you would be alienating both of the target audiences you were trying to attract in the first place. Smart parents won't buy their kids violent games, and this exclusion alienates the older people who buy MK games just for the silly gore.

Honestly, I don't know what the fuck you are thinking. If you're trying to reattract disenfranchised teenagers with a "darker edge," it's not going to work. Didn't you try this before?

It didn't work in the 90's, it's not going to work now. I love you, DC. I love you enough to put a Green Lantern symbol indelibly upon my body.

What did you have to gain in this? Your movies are more often better than not, and I understand the need to capitalize with mediocre movie-to-videogame adaptations (Superman Returns, Batman Begins). There was no financial reason for this aberration.

The only possible reason I can envision this happening is due to a deep-seated jealousy regarding Marvel vs. Capcom. I know they had a great fighting game and it's still stuck in your craw, but it's alright! They made Daredevil and Stan Lee is almost dead! Just think about it, though, there's a difference between the content matter of Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat. The general public will accept Spider-Man fighting a guy whose biggest attack is a blue beam of energy coming from his hand. Will they accept Johnny Cage's crotch punch? Will they accept a guy who can impale his opponent with harpoons in his hands?

This is doing nothing but giving you bad press. Bad press for videogames and bad press for comic books; two media that desperately need good light if they are to get the respect as art forms they deserve. Shame.

P.S. Don't you dare make Green Lantern John Stewart. Just because you needed a black guy in the cartoons to make it scientifically diverse enough for a kid's show means that you need to do it here. You owe it to us, dammit.

Perfect out.
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