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2:03 PM on 09.09.2009

Okamithon: The next gamer charity drive

I'm planning to run a gamer charity drive, playing Okami from beginning to end in one sitting, whilst growing carbuncles on my rear end. I plan to donate the proceeds to cancer research. I need advice on how to set that shit up, because it's way beyond my expertise. How can I maximise my donations?

Also, Hamza, can you change my name to "Roofmountedshoggoth"? I don't want a masturbation euphemism as my handle anymore.   read


4:29 PM on 07.09.2009

I AM THE NEXT DYSON GRIGSBY



I was at my local thrift store today, and looking at the gaming shelf, I found a copy of Uniracers, the SNES game Chad will burn down the Nintendo offices over. The game was IN BOX, with everything, and priced at 99 cents Canadian. So, of course I bought it, but lacking a SNES, I am going to sell it.   read


8:23 PM on 06.29.2009

The Flaws in the Ten Point Scale

WARNING: CEREAL BUSINESS

The ten point scale is intrinsically flawed. Not only because Killzone 2 got a 7 from Edge (THOSE MICROSHITTING FAGTARTS SHOULD BE HUNTED DOWN AND KILLED! -CTZ), but because the 5/10 isn't average. If it were average, the scores of every game of a console generation should be added up, and then divided by the total number of games. That is an average. Besides, even on a scale of 1-10, the average is not 5. It's actually 5.5.

(10+1)/2=
11/2=
5.5

This isn't the only problem with the ten point scale. There is no such thing as an objective choice of score. Everyone is biased in some way (and Jim Sterling is biased in every way possible, and then some). This renders reviews COMPLETELY unreliable. On the internet, no one can be trusted not to lie except Fox News and 4chan's /b/ board.

As I said, the ten point scale is a creation of the devil, and should never be used under any circumstances.   read


4:01 PM on 06.11.2009

Sa-vingmoney-ddam Hussein #1: Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn

Welcome to A TERRIBLE PUN - er, Sa-vingmoney-ddam Hussein. This is an EXCUSE TO USE THIS TERRIBLE PUN - er, an attempt to resurrect an awesome old series. Today, I'll bitch at you to buy one of the few games on the Wii that REQUIRES MORE THAN 2 BRAIN CELLS.



Title: Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn
Developed By:: Intelligent Systems
Released: November 11, 2007 (NA), February 22, 2007 (JP), March 14, 2008 (EU), April 10, 2008 (AU)
Bargain Binned: $20 at EB, X Goozex Points

Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn is hard. Harder than the difficulty settings are labeled at least. Easy isn't too bad, but Normal has a significant chance of beating you from the tutorial mission. The difficulty isn't caused by excellent AI, but the odds being stacked against you. They enemies both outnumber and outclass you. Often, enemies deal more damage and have more hitpoints than your characters. While this is likely only a bad design decision, it leads to the game requiring *GASP* actual thought. This is an unusual requirement for a Wii game, and one that makes Radiant Dawn feel very out of place on Nintendo's console. This isn't a slight against the Wii, merely a statement of fact. The Wii is a good system, but 90% of it's library is made up of shitty wagglefests. This creates instant suspicion on the part of games purchasers of anything not a first or second party Nintendo production, yielding to really great, original games, like De Blob, No More Heroes, and Zack and Wiki not selling. Sorry, this paragraph got away from me. Let me start again.

Radiant Dawn, despite it's imperfections, is still a stellar game. While it doesn't have the (excessive) character customization of a Disgaea or Final Fantasy Tactics, or the innovation of Valkyria Chronicles, it has it's own charm. The game looks like something from the early PS2, minimal voice acting, and weak characterization for it's cast, but has the best mechanics in a Fire Emblem game. Unlike the first 8 games, it has a system of character and Item modification. Skills are found as items, and can be equipped on characters, creating a character customization that is neither too simple or RETARDED.

The story is weak, but not terrible. It has a few storytelling mechanics that are uncommon and rather interesting. Character deaths are permanent, and while important characters will flee the battlefield upon getting they ass handed to they, non-plot relevant characters are absent from all future cutscenes and are occasionally sadly mentioned by survivors. Another entertaining concept is the fact that the two groups are on opposite sides of a war, and occasionally meet in battle. While it would be dramatically interesting to have to kill your own player characters, they merely flee the battlefield upon their hitpoints being reduced to zero. The game also has a horrific, pro-furry agenda.

The game is about 40 hours long from beginning to end, but if you're anything like me, you'll restart quite a few times, and get EVEN MORE FUN :D

If you want a Tactical RPG that actually puts up a significant fight, give Radiant Dawn a look. You will not be disappointed. Maybe frustrated, but not disappointed.   read


6:24 PM on 06.09.2009

Why Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn is Furry Propaganda

The Fire Emblem series is fantastic. I shall brook no argument upon this. What isn't awesome, however, is furryism. I purchased Radiant Dawn, thinking that it would maintain the high standards of quality set by scores in the 7.5-80 range. The issue is, however, that cancerous matter of furryism.

The first section of the game doesn't emphasize the matter of furryism, preferring to focus on the oppression of the people of Daein. In the beginning of the third chapter, it is established that the country of Begnion, the oppressors of Daein, wants to eliminate the Laguz, the aforementioned furries. Such a noble goal is greatly opposed by the heroes, and the game begins to SHOW IT'S TRUE COLOURS!

The furries are not presented as the horrible pedophilic incestuous monsters they truly are, and actually sympathetic. The story goes on, with the protagonists killing innocent soldiers who were merely doing their jobs. The story continues with the introduction of a group called The Branded, who are half Laguz. They are shunned by both species, but are incredibly talented. The horrific, pro-bestiality lie of it is shocking.

As has been CONCLUSIVELY PROVEN, by JOURNALISM, Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn should be banned from stores, and all copies should be burned, before Nintendo comes out with this:

  read


10:24 AM on 05.27.2009

I'm writing a Final Fantasy VI musical!

After putting Scarf on the backburner for a short time, I've decided to do something else creative:

FINAL FANTASY VI: THE UNOFFICIAL MUSICAL!

This is a result of listening to Joseph, Avenue Q, and A Shoggoth on the Roof whilst playing FFVI. I've decided to plagiarize songs from other musicals, relyric them, and pass it off as a legitimate creative exercise.

I'm gonna have to cut some elements out to make it a reasonable length. Anyone have any advice?   read


1:57 PM on 05.23.2009

Scarf: Developer Interview



I've decided to give some more information about Scarf the artgame that I'm making. I shall be doing it by interviewing myself, even though Robert Summa seems to have the "talking to yourself" market monopolized.

Ian: Why did you decide to make this game?
Ian: I was interested in learning to code, and I thought I might as well make an art game.

I: Why is it called "Scarf"?
I: I can't tell you. It would ruin the point of the game.

I: How long will the game be?
I: I've planned to make it about five minutes on a playthrough, if you do everything right.

I: Who's making the game?
I: Just me, and my splintered personality.

I: When will it be out?
I: Sometime in July, I believe. I have exams coming up, so I can't work on it.

If you have any questions, post them, and I will respond.   read


8:36 PM on 05.07.2009

Scarf, a game that will be made by a member of the Destructoid Community

Inspired by Anthony Burch's Runner, I have decided to make my own artgame. I can't give any details, as that would spoil the point of the game, but I can announce it. I'm an artist now, I can do things like this.   read


3:16 PM on 05.01.2009

Thank You Destructoid (and Podtoid)

As some of you may or may not know, I asked a rather disturbing question on Podtoid a coupla weeks ago. This caused them to send me some shwag.

I got:

3 Dtoid Stickers
3 Dtoid mini buttons

Thanks guys!   read


1:18 PM on 04.22.2009

Dreamcasts Now Available on ThinkGeek

<p>HOLYSHIT [Editor's note: Your broke the C Blogs. Write more too! This isn't Twitter! -- CTZ] </p><p>HOLY SHIT!</p>   read


6:05 PM on 04.15.2009

My Local Thrift Store is the Lobster Milkshake

...and I mean that in a good way.

I pop in to my local thrift store whenever I have time after school. Now, typically I just find crap in the videogames section, but it does sometimes have gems. Last time, I found a PS1 for $10. This time I found an N64 for $4.50. It didn't have any controllers nor games, but it was still a great deal. I sold mine in a moment of weakness, so now I feel like part of me has returned. Also, they have something like 4 PS1s right now.

I'm looking for games, so it's off to Ebay or my local rental store.   read


12:33 PM on 03.13.2009

New TF2 Patch Released



Hopefully this will stop all of the whining.   read





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