Mario Kart. Some people love it, some people hate it. I'm in the former group, but I can still bitch about the flaws. The game is fun, but there are some issues that need changing. For them, hit the nonexistent jump.

1. Balance: Fuck the blue shell.

Seriously. The blue shell is an overpowered piece of shit that exists to destroy the value of skill. For those who don't know what it is, it's an item, that when used, nails the person in first place without fail. This may not seem like a big problem, but when they're ten a penny for people doing badly, it pisses skilled players off.

Other items in the game are almost as bad. In the N64 version, the lightning bolt (which shrinks everyone, and sends them spinning out of control) could be used on a jump on Wario Stadium, and if timed correctly, sent the target spinning back down onto the track below, causing them to repeat a significant portion. Not only that, but the character is still shrunk, which lowers their top speed and makes them extremely vulnerable to collisions.

To solve this, I would make those items drop so incredibly rarely that they almost never appear. As in 1/1000 of item drops. Or just remove them. Even better, they could include an item switch, like in SSB, where the players could turn items on/off.

2. Tracks: The good, the bad, and the average.

Mario Kart games have a history of having widely varying track quality. My favorite, the N64 version had a handful of good tracks, a handful of bad, and two handfuls of average. The good tracks (Wario Stadium, Royal Raceway, Mario Circuit, Koopa Troopa Beach), were really good, while the bad tracks (Toad's Turnpike, Sherbet Land, Bowser's Castle, Yoshi Valley), were absolute shit.

I can't really solve this, because there will always be shitty levels in videogames. It's a fact of life. I can, however, suggest that Nintendo include a level editor next time around.

3. Voice Chat: Why can't I verbally abuse my opponent?

Nintendo seems very nervous about embracing online gaming. Maybe it's because they hate money. Of course, to better get rid of it, they could flush it down a toilet, or give it to me.

No creative ways to solve this, but Nintendo should just swallow their pride already and copy XBox Live.


Conclusion: Where I Repeat What I Just Said

Mario Kart will always be fun, but it'd be significantly better with my changes in mind.