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7:57 AM on 06.27.2008  

Amazon's Nintendo Gold Box Deals Revealed!



As you may all know, Amazon is devoting today's Gold Box deals entirely to the world of Nintendo. Starting with Super Smash Bros. Brawl, at $25.99 + free shipping, they're pushing their sweet, sweet product like candy-coated crack to the twitching masses all day and the secret's out.

Normally, you'd have to decipher the clues in the Gold Box listings to figure out what's coming up when-- which isn't exactly the job of Professor Layton -- but thankfully the deal addicted freakazoids on the Amazon forums uncover the truth like Fox Mulder. From here on, the mystery is unraveled and the only questions that remain in this post are, "what are the prices?" and "how is Amy Winehouse still alive?" Those questions will be answered in due time, but until then, enjoy some spoilers.

6AM PDT Yoshi's Island DS (DS) (Reg $29.99)

8AM PDT The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass (DS) (Reg $34.99)

10AM PDT Super Mario Galaxy (Wii) (Reg $49.99)

12PM PDT New Super Mario Bros. (DS) (Reg $32.99)

2PM PDT Mario Kart DS (DS) (Reg $34.99)

4PM PDT The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess (Wii) (Reg $49.99)

6PM PDT Mario Party DS (DS) (Reg $29.99)

8PM PDT Pokemon Diamond (DS) (Reg $33.99)

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9:13 AM on 06.04.2008  

The Gears of a Mass Effect War roll down stairs, alone or in pairs and run over your neighbor's dog @ Amazon today



This isn't something you see everyday: two GOOD (GREAT?) games as Amazon's DotD.

First up, we have the sleeper hit, Gears of War. This was one of those games that kind of slipped in under the radar around the holidays and slowly gained some steam after word-of-mouth spread, saying how fun it was. A lot of you probably don't own this because it's hard to find, due to the small amount of units pressed. It looks like the treasure hunters at Amazon were able to uncover a shipment buried deep in Hangar 51 and now they want you to have a copy for $34.99 + free shipping. Sounds like a pretty good deal, but you're better off waiting a few weeks and picking up Gears of War: FES for $40 and getting all the extra content. Video gaming is a business that moves quick, you have to be on your toes for stuff like this.


Secondly and finally (it's been such a long post), we have this year's hottest exercise training "game," Mass Effect. I've seen this being heavily promoted all over the place, even a HUGE in-store push from Walmart for Mother's Day. It's kind of a kooky, outside-the-box idea that seems to be paying off in spades. I mean, a lot of people have trouble motivating themselves to get off the damn couch and do something; here they're being tricked by a video game. If motivation is what you need, you can get on the train for $34.99 + free shipping. However, the slicker, more streamlined PC version is available for $39.99 + free shipping, so you have some options. Hey, why are there aliens and crap on the box?

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7:26 AM on 06.03.2008  

Uncharted: Drake's Fortune will half-tuck its way into your heart (and pants) @ Amazon today



As they say, "good things come to those who wait." After a string of sub-par Amazon gaming deals, the sass masters have decided to bestow upon us peons (I read that as "penis," everytime I proofed my words), a shining gem of the fantastic. Sauntering through the miasma of crap games, comes Nathan Drake and his half-tuck, ready to chart a course to your heart.

If you've been on the fence about this game, now is your chance. $39.99 + free shipping is most definitely a solid and inviting price for a game, I think, was one of the best of '07. You especially can't go wrong if you thought Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was lacking in the Awesome Dept. because Nathan Drake is the new Indy. I really don't have much else to say other than, BUY IT NOW!

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7:34 AM on 05.30.2008  

Prey 360 was the pioneer for next-gen wrench violence and portals; it needs love @ Amazon today


You're excited, I can tell. Not many games allow you play the role of an angsty Native American mechanic who beats aliens with a wrench about the ass and face. Maybe that's not your bag after Bioshock's amazing depiction of wrench violence, you just can't go back, which I can totally understand. However, Prey also has portals; INTERDIMENSIONAL TRAVEL!! That's right, before The Orange Box's Portal made portaling cool again, Prey was keeping it real. This is the entire reason the game was delayed 10 years...that's hardcore! And all because the technology wasn't ridiculous enough to allow them the ability to have you walk in a spacehole and pop-out on the ceiling to blast some ass. Although, it could've been to let the technology for you to no not totally die in a FPS come to fruition. Either way, you're tingling, I can tell.

I can make jokes and fill the screen with lots of nonsense, but what it all boils down to is, for $14.99 Prey is so friggin worth your time. I hear the multiplayer is pretty decent, allowing for multi-plane deathmatch-a-go-gos and did I mention the single player lets you take control of an angsty Native American mechanic who beats aliens with a wrench about the ass and face? If you're still not sold then you need to go on a vision quest.

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8:58 AM on 05.29.2008  

Guitar Hero 3 Wired X-plorer Bundle 360 is a steal @ Walmart...wait, a Walmart post?


Sorry about the small image, but Walmart's website sucks and has the bigger picture in Flash. You can't see me, but I'm shaking my fist in the air and cursing something.

If you hop over to Walmart.com, you can snatch up the Guitar Hero 3 Wired X-plorer Bundle for 360 at the insanely reasonable price of $$39.72 + $.97 shipping or free shipping to a store, but if $.97 is a big deal then you need to sit down so we can chat about life.

I actually picked one of these up a couple weeks ago because the Rock Band guitar drives me insane on Expert difficulty and I thought it would be nice to have a clicking strum bar as well as a 2nd guitar for when my high brow friends come by for some rock and roll parties. If you've been on the fence, like me, for a while you really can't go wrong AND you don't have to worry about batteries -- you can save them for your bedroom toys.

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1:50 PM on 05.28.2008  

Butmac and -D- Confirmed for PAX





SEE YOU ALL IN SEATTLE!

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10:58 AM on 05.27.2008  

Indiana Jones and the Call of Cthulhu



This weekend I, like many others, lived the American dream of sunshine, days off, BBQ and like any good child of the 80s, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Frankly, you’d have to be suffering from brain damage or be an actual zombie to not be, at the very least, mildly excited for the return of “The Man in the Hat” – unless you’re Electro “I love the 80s” Lemon, who has never seen the originals, which is unpossible and criminal.

Unfortunately, my excitement and enjoyment of the new Indy flick was slightly crushed by the mildly absurd plot -- yes, I said “absurd” in regards to an Indiana Jones movie…how can this be?! – and a general “they pulled a Lucas” feel to things. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed a bunch of the movie and thought the stunt sequences were brilliant in not using CGI, but when they did use CGI it felt off and the end portion didn’t really do it for me. I don’t want to spoil anything, so I won’t say what it is exactly, but I know it’s the kind of stuff that never really grabbed my interest like a good biblical treasure hunt could.

While I’m not here to debate the flick, I needed to throw out my feelings because while watching the tale unfold, I thought about the kind of Indiana Jones movie I’d rather see. It’s my pleasure to bring to you, from my retardo mind, Indiana Jones and the Call of Cthulhu.


thanks to BlindsideDork for the epic shoop


Simple equation: Cthulhu + anything = AWESOMER. It worked for Sherlock Holmes, it could even work for Hostess snack cakes (mmmmm, Cthulhu Cakes) and it sure as hell would work for Indiana Jones. Oh, it would work so hard.

The story I see would involve the usual business of a friend/associate to Indy who goes missing while following a lead/search for a great mythical something. In this case the lead he’s following are the writings of Francis Wayland Thurston – writer of the manuscript which tells the story in H.P. Lovecraft’s “The Call of Cthulhu” -- the Cthulhu Cult, their desire to find the city under the sea, R’lyeh and awaken the being Cthulhu to lay waste to our world. To make it more “Indy-esque,” Hitler’s fascination with the occult could be the basis or, to bring it along and continue the timeline of Crystal Skull involve the Cold War and the Soviets like the story “A Colder War.” It’s less ridiculous than the plot to Crystal Skull…maybe not “less ridiculous” but definitely a better idea. That sound you hear is me playing Armchair Hollywood Executive.

All the adventure hopping would be there from sleepy New England towns, to libraries, to creepy cultish caves (alliteration owns you) and ending with a jaunt to the middle of the Pacific Ocean where the sunken city lies. Whether the actual city is shown or not is up in the air because it could drive everyone insane and we don’t need that. Last time Indy got loco, he tried to kill Spielberg’s wife and Data from The Goonies – uncool. Basically it’s taking all the best elements from the original trilogy and getting Tom Dickson to blend the crap out of it.

Seriously, I think this would be one of those movies that oozes so much geek, it needs to happen. Stay away from the CGI, keep it grounded like the original trilogy and, most importantly, DON’T LET GEORGE LUCAS PUT HIS HANDS ANYWHERE NEAR IT. Follow this and we’d have the most ridiculously awesome adventure flick EVER. Imagine what the LEGO property would be like. Who here wouldn’t snatch up the LEGO R’lyeh playset? Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to talk with some people about Cthulhu Cakes™ and fat money.

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2:27 PM on 05.21.2008  

Tales from the CBM: Mur-gasm



Those of us in the CBM get together everyday and talk about anything and everything. Games, movies, music, politics, t-shirts, hot sauce, clothing, cereal, Canadians, Workmeng, life, love and of course, sex. Yeah, we talk about it, because believe it or not, we've all had it. I know, I'm as shocked as you, especially since roofies weren't involved.

Today, I'd like to bring you a short, but sweet, little story one of us shared with the group. I could see this being adapted into a full-length feature on the Lifetime Movie Network and cleaning up in the ratings dept.


Well, I'm going down on the girl when she finally climaxes.

The thing is she TIGHTLY wraps her legs around where my mouth and nose are completely covered. I seriously can't breathe.

To the point when I try to get her legs off she thinks I'm trying to be rough.

In short, I pass out from lack of oxygen, pass out, go limp.

Luckily she realized that and let me go. Had she killed me, no way she could be convicted.

My friend years later dubbed it the 'Mur-gasm'


It's sad to think we almost lost one of our own due to a fellatio-related incident, but it's one to tell the grandkids.

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10:57 AM on 05.19.2008  

A very special Dtoid community announcement...



RISER GLEN AND I ARE GETTING MARRIED!

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8:20 AM on 05.19.2008  

Rock the Box @ Amazon this Wednesday

Since today's Amazon deal is the equivalent of a failure pile in a sadness bowl (you'll have to find what it is yourself, because I'm not unleashing the horror) I'm going to take today to give you guys and gals a heads up for Wednesday (5/21) because that's what friends are for. Through good times and bad times....





We've seen Amazon do this a few times in the recent past where they devote an entire day's Gold Box deals to vidja gaming. They do this because we're all whores. You cannot deny this as science has proven it via DLC and GTAIV's undeserving sales numbers -- yeah, I went there.

The deals are all going to be of the music/rhythm persuasion, so expect to see some High School Musical and Hannah Montana get in the way of your Rock Band and Guitar Hero. So don't panic and remember that I told you the deals will have some suck involved, come 12:01 AM PST on Wednesday. Yes, I completely realize I put "suck" and "come" together in the last sentence and no, I didn't mean to. Let's just forget about it and wrap this up. The other deals will be at 6 AM PST, 2 PM PST and 6 PM PST, so be sure to keep your eyes glued to the monitor...if you can stop looking for Hannah Montana nude 'shoops long enough.

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8:09 AM on 05.13.2008  

Your $14.99 could go one of two ways @ Amazon today...choose wisely



Only the penitent man will pass and not get laughed off the face of the internet for making a stupid gaming decision.




First, I give you Amazon's official Deal of the Day: Major League Baseball 2K8 Fantasy All-Stars Why Hasn't Samit Written a Review of This Game For Everyone. Yes, I groaned too when I saw it this morning, closed the tab within seconds and kicked a can into an orphan's face while he got splashed by some road water that a car drove through -- it happens. To summarize, I was slightly miffed...until I dug a little deeper and found gold.




Say hello to YOUR Amazon Deal of the Day: Crush. If you own a PSP and enjoy puzzle games, then you need to own this and there is no arguing, crying, guffawing or any such business -- just buy it. It's a damn cool 3D puzzler wherein the mechanic twist is you can "crush" the world into a 2D plane that creates pathways where none were before. It's difficult, it gets frustrating but it's 100% awesome and is a must-own PSP title. It also shows that SEGA is better off as a publisher, rather than a Sonic raping developer.

Both of these games are $14.99 and it's completely up to you which is money better spent *coughcrushcough* so don't let me influence you *coughcrushcough* into doing something you *coughcrushcough* don't want. Happy gaming!

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7:43 PM on 05.09.2008  

Where would I be without Destructoid?


















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