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If you're as cool and hip as myself, you'll doubtless be aware of Bibleman, the classic collection of DVDs about a God-fearing superhero who fights for justice using the power of religion. The wearer of the full armor of God is a sight to behold -- greater than your stupid Spider-Man with his stupid mask that makes him look like stupid Zool because he is a big stupidheaded stupid. Does HE have our Creator and Father on his side? No, radioactive arachnid mutant photographers are not men of God.

Bibleman, however, is a true American hero and after years of my silently praying, I will finally be able to harness the power of THE LAWD in videogame form. With cutting edge graphics and gameplay mechanics, Bibleman: A Fight For Faith is going to be the most important videogame of the century. It's the ONLY videogame since Bible Adventures that comes Jesus-approved! 

Religion is so cool.


Continue: More Also, God stories





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88 comments | showing # 1 to 50

Bioautographical's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 21:19
Bioautographical
If one of the levels isn't planting a pipe bomb in the Planned Parenthood, I'm going to be extremely disappointed.
tehdopefish's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 21:20
tehdopefish
...that isnt real, is it?


just when i thought i couldn't have any less respect for organized religion.


/facepalm
Jim Sterling's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 21:21
Jim Sterling
dopefish:

This is genuine. I've watched many trailers for the legit Bibleman show over the years. It's quite a real franchise.
casualweaponry's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 21:22
casualweaponry
Can we also have live FMV cutscenes like in Command and Conquer?

Maybe Fred Phelps can do a cameo?
deiga-the-semivaliant's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 21:22
deiga-the-semivaliant
Ohhh man. This reeks of crappy cheesiness, just like the television show. Watching an episode of Bibleman makes you wonder if the creators are really Christian... the show is so ridiculous, it seems like it's parodying the religion rather than supporting it.

I'm a Christian, but I wouldn't let this stuff touch my imaginary kids with a 20 foot pole.
the GAMEGOBLIN's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 21:22
the GAMEGOBLIN
LMAO arch villan wacky protestor
Jim Sterling's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 21:26
Jim Sterling
Deiga:

Can I touch your imaginary kids?
brainderailment's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 21:27
brainderailment
y'know the actor for these shows is that crazy guy from fit club who has all those tatoos and got pissed at the camera men and sprayed them with a hose. He used to do porn and coke like crazy, not like he doesn't still.
tazarthayoot's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 21:28
tazarthayoot
lol are you cereal, Willie Aames is bible man? I lawl again.
brainderailment's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 21:30
brainderailment
@tazar

yep
casualweaponry's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 21:30
casualweaponry
Wow, is that all we can do for God? A crappy-ass Diablo clone?

Those developers are going to hell.
AngelsDontBurn's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 21:32
AngelsDontBurn
The only thing that could save this game are ragdoll physics.
s0lesurviv0r's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 21:38
s0lesurviv0r
Is there some rule among developers that bible games have to be quarter-assed piles of shit?
s0lesurviv0r's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 21:41
s0lesurviv0r
@AngelsDontBurn
But that would be Idolatry!
Mister Disco's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 21:42
Mister Disco
We must stop "the protester!" LOL I guess this encourages kids to kill people who decry organized religion. Brainwashing at it's finest!
Acefowl's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 21:43
Acefowl
Can't...stop...LAUGHING...
Roody's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 21:44
Roody
Geez, I would think that eventually, someone, somewhere would make a good faith-based game. Why am I constantly proven wrong? As a Christian, I'd like to see something good, but all we ever get is a disturbing pile of fecal matter.

I think Jesus would ask them to tighten up the graphics.
Jim Sterling's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 21:44
Jim Sterling
I find it ironic that hardcore Christians have a problem with protesters.
Riser Glen's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 21:48
Riser Glen
BibleGirl has a pretty sweet rack. I'm gonna have to cherry-pick something out of the bible to convince her to come over my house.
BluDesign's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 21:52
BluDesign
Ragdoll physics would be sweet for praying.

Otherwise, I'm fucking psyched about this game. I can't wait to see the main boss battle between Bibleman and his sinful past career working on Zapped!
kwaselow's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 22:08
kwaselow
I'm surprised the main villain isn't me.

Get it? 'Cause I'm a Jew.
Oni's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 22:16
Oni
It's crap like this that makes me hate the people associated with my religion.

Once again, it's not God I hate, it's His fanclub I can't stand.
Detry's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 22:18
Detry
Jesus loves light sabers. Confirmed.
MYL0R's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 22:19
MYL0R
Jim:I'm a Christian, and I more so have a problem with Christian protestors(such as the Phelps' and the WBC) as opposed to non Christian protest. WBC and the Phelps family give Christians such a horrible image it's rediculous. As if we don't have enough negative thrown on us, we need those nuts saying God hates fags and that 9/11 was God's work to teach America a lesson.
Bricfa's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 22:20
Bricfa
This video shows all that is wrong with society today.
NightDehumidifier's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 22:22
NightDehumidifier
For a shitty super hero game, it'll no doubt play better than Spider-Man 3: The Game.
Eschatos's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 22:28
Eschatos
They couldn't come up with a better villain than "The Protester" ? Come on, what happened to Satan, Jew-god, and the dark lord Atheia?
Bricfa's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 22:33
Bricfa
I actually have to admit I have seen a few episodes of this show. (earlier ones) The bad guys are usually associated with some specific sin.

So this one is protesting?

*shudder*

such evil
Acefowl's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 22:35
Acefowl
Can't...stop...LAUGHING...
Sharpless's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 22:40
Sharpless
Without even looking at the author, I knew this post was written by the God-fearing, righteous hand of Jim Sterling. ;)

You know, admittedly, Bibleman is aimed at Christian children, so I don't really expect to truly "get" this, nor should any of us here expect to "get" this. But, honestly, I don't get this. Christians do stupid things, man. The "Wacky Protester"? Seriously, come on. I mean, I think they used to have villains dealing with sins, like "Greed Man" or something. But this is just dumb as shit. I'm sure the developers are well-intentioned, but this... no, kids, this is not how you improve the world... no. Just, no. Stop.
Jim Sterling's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 22:41
Jim Sterling
Bricfa: He doesn't just protest ... he protests WACKILY!
DarkTravesty's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 22:44
DarkTravesty
willie aames wants you to believe!
Sharpless's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 22:44
Sharpless
Incidentally, according to Wikipedia, Willie Aames retired from the role in 2004. Sadness.
Volcanon's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 22:45
Volcanon
lol! so what the hell is the massage from this game, shoot anyone that has a belief different from your own with a Nerf gun and bang on his head with a plastic light saber until the sees Jesus?
Jim Sterling's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 22:46
Jim Sterling
Just like the Spanish Inquisition days!
Namelessted's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 22:52
Namelessted
bible man is hilarious. Oddly enough, i have a tape of one of the episodes at home, that shit is hilarious. It makes for a really good drinking game. Take a shot/drink/whatever everytime somebody quote scripture.
topgeargorilla's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 22:53
topgeargorilla
I'm kinda impressed with Destructoid's respect for Christianity.
Nobody here is really being a royal jerk about it.
Joystiq would have a ton of ignorant brats denouncing the whole religion because of this video. You guys are chill, and for that, I get you all candy bars.

I just better not bring up the Wii.....
deiga-the-semivaliant's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 22:57
deiga-the-semivaliant
Well, you'd have to be really REALLY stupid to believe that Bibleman really represents the mentality of every Christian on earth.

And I want to emphasize REALLY.
Jim Sterling's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 23:08
Jim Sterling
People need to stop trying to make religion seem "cool." That's the problem. Religion will never be "cool" unless it's the gospel shit with the people making kick-ass music and having the time of their lives. That is the only time religion can be cool.
Neonie's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 23:13
Neonie
Wait... [Generic Super Hero] fights [poorly named bad guy] and [low funded title] what now?
topgeargorilla's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 23:13
topgeargorilla
Jim

I so freaking whole heartedly agree with you. I've been so burnt out on legalistic and "churchy" people, that the only thing I can rely on is the legit thing. Sure I'm not perfect, but as a Christian, I know who is.

I rely on that. That makes my life worth living.
Sharpless's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 23:14
Sharpless
Yeah, I don't think Jesus ever actually tried to be "cool" in the Gospels. He was more like, "Yo, this is whack, dawg. Homie don't play that."
Mxyzptlk's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 23:14
Mxyzptlk
Bibleman is one of the greatest shows ever televised... If you're stoned and watching tv with a couple of atheist friends. I also recommend Way of the Master in that same situation.
topgeargorilla's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 23:31
topgeargorilla
Let's talk about veggie tales now, okay?
Rogue Trooper's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 23:39
Rogue Trooper
@topgeargorilll:

yeah, even though I'm Jewish, it is nice not to see anyone here bash Christianity as a whole over this.
topgeargorilla's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 23:41
topgeargorilla
i loved veggie tales, I can sing almost all of the songs from the first 6 tapes or so.
Your moms new boyfriend's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/11/2007 23:44
Your moms new boyfriend
Finally, my prayers have been answered.

Thank you, Satan!
Music Hobo's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/12/2007 00:10
Music Hobo
I can safely say as a born again Christian I am offend by this game. Imagine someone making a game about something you firmly believe in but only they didn't and everyone starts to think that is what you believe. I earnestly despise the whole kiddy bible bullshit. I really do.
Music Hobo's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/12/2007 00:12
Music Hobo
I can safely say as a born again Christian I am offended by this game. Imagine someone making a game about something you firmly believe in but only they didn't and everyone starts to think that is what you believe. I earnestly despise the whole kiddy bible bullshit. I really do.
Sharpless's Avatar - Comment posted on 08/12/2007 00:13
Sharpless
@Christiangamer

You know, I like the idea of a Samson game, but you know that they can never go near anything Biblical like that. They'd have a million conservatives down on their heads like, well, Christians in a lion pit. Still, I'd love to play as Samson, or even just as generic armies of the time. If nothing else, those were some violent, action-packed times. While it's not set in Biblical times, that's one reason I look forward to Assassin's Creed - the Crusades setting, and playing in Jerusalem.
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