games  anime  |  toys
Destructoid is gaming news, community, videos, and sometimes love. Take the tour or jump in with Facebook:

 



If you're as cool and hip as myself, you'll doubtless be aware of Bibleman, the classic collection of DVDs about a God-fearing superhero who fights for justice using the power of religion. The wearer of the full armor of God is a sight to behold -- greater than your stupid Spider-Man with his stupid mask that makes him look like stupid Zool because he is a big stupidheaded stupid. Does HE have our Creator and Father on his side? No, radioactive arachnid mutant photographers are not men of God.

Bibleman, however, is a true American hero and after years of my silently praying, I will finally be able to harness the power of THE LAWD in videogame form. With cutting edge graphics and gameplay mechanics, Bibleman: A Fight For Faith is going to be the most important videogame of the century. It's the ONLY videogame since Bible Adventures that comes Jesus-approved! 

Religion is so cool.


Continue: More Also, God stories





prev
next 50 comments

88 comments | showing # 1 to 50

Bioautographical's Avatar
Bioautographical at 08/11/2007 21:19
If one of the levels isn't planting a pipe bomb in the Planned Parenthood, I'm going to be extremely disappointed.
tehdopefish's Avatar
tehdopefish at 08/11/2007 21:20
...that isnt real, is it?


just when i thought i couldn't have any less respect for organized religion.


/facepalm
Jim Sterling's Avatar
Jim Sterling at 08/11/2007 21:21
dopefish:

This is genuine. I've watched many trailers for the legit Bibleman show over the years. It's quite a real franchise.
casualweaponry's Avatar
casualweaponry at 08/11/2007 21:22
Can we also have live FMV cutscenes like in Command and Conquer?

Maybe Fred Phelps can do a cameo?
deiga-the-semivaliant's Avatar
deiga-the-semivaliant at 08/11/2007 21:22
Ohhh man. This reeks of crappy cheesiness, just like the television show. Watching an episode of Bibleman makes you wonder if the creators are really Christian... the show is so ridiculous, it seems like it's parodying the religion rather than supporting it.

I'm a Christian, but I wouldn't let this stuff touch my imaginary kids with a 20 foot pole.
the GAMEGOBLIN's Avatar
the GAMEGOBLIN at 08/11/2007 21:22
LMAO arch villan wacky protestor
Jim Sterling's Avatar
Jim Sterling at 08/11/2007 21:26
Deiga:

Can I touch your imaginary kids?
brainderailment's Avatar
brainderailment at 08/11/2007 21:27
y'know the actor for these shows is that crazy guy from fit club who has all those tatoos and got pissed at the camera men and sprayed them with a hose. He used to do porn and coke like crazy, not like he doesn't still.
tazarthayoot's Avatar
tazarthayoot at 08/11/2007 21:28
lol are you cereal, Willie Aames is bible man? I lawl again.
brainderailment's Avatar
brainderailment at 08/11/2007 21:30
@tazar

yep
casualweaponry's Avatar
casualweaponry at 08/11/2007 21:30
Wow, is that all we can do for God? A crappy-ass Diablo clone?

Those developers are going to hell.
AngelsDontBurn's Avatar
AngelsDontBurn at 08/11/2007 21:32
The only thing that could save this game are ragdoll physics.
s0lesurviv0r's Avatar
s0lesurviv0r at 08/11/2007 21:38
Is there some rule among developers that bible games have to be quarter-assed piles of shit?
s0lesurviv0r's Avatar
s0lesurviv0r at 08/11/2007 21:41
@AngelsDontBurn
But that would be Idolatry!
Mister Disco's Avatar
Mister Disco at 08/11/2007 21:42
We must stop "the protester!" LOL I guess this encourages kids to kill people who decry organized religion. Brainwashing at it's finest!
Acefowl's Avatar
Acefowl at 08/11/2007 21:43
Can't...stop...LAUGHING...
Roody's Avatar
Roody at 08/11/2007 21:44
Geez, I would think that eventually, someone, somewhere would make a good faith-based game. Why am I constantly proven wrong? As a Christian, I'd like to see something good, but all we ever get is a disturbing pile of fecal matter.

I think Jesus would ask them to tighten up the graphics.
Jim Sterling's Avatar
Jim Sterling at 08/11/2007 21:44
I find it ironic that hardcore Christians have a problem with protesters.
Riser Glen's Avatar
Riser Glen at 08/11/2007 21:48
BibleGirl has a pretty sweet rack. I'm gonna have to cherry-pick something out of the bible to convince her to come over my house.
BluDesign's Avatar
BluDesign at 08/11/2007 21:52
Ragdoll physics would be sweet for praying.

Otherwise, I'm fucking psyched about this game. I can't wait to see the main boss battle between Bibleman and his sinful past career working on Zapped!
kwaselow's Avatar
kwaselow at 08/11/2007 22:08
I'm surprised the main villain isn't me.

Get it? 'Cause I'm a Jew.
Oni's Avatar
Oni at 08/11/2007 22:16
It's crap like this that makes me hate the people associated with my religion.

Once again, it's not God I hate, it's His fanclub I can't stand.
Detry's Avatar
Detry at 08/11/2007 22:18
Jesus loves light sabers. Confirmed.
MYL0R's Avatar
MYL0R at 08/11/2007 22:19
Jim:I'm a Christian, and I more so have a problem with Christian protestors(such as the Phelps' and the WBC) as opposed to non Christian protest. WBC and the Phelps family give Christians such a horrible image it's rediculous. As if we don't have enough negative thrown on us, we need those nuts saying God hates fags and that 9/11 was God's work to teach America a lesson.
Bricfa's Avatar
Bricfa at 08/11/2007 22:20
This video shows all that is wrong with society today.
NightDehumidifier's Avatar
NightDehumidifier at 08/11/2007 22:22
For a shitty super hero game, it'll no doubt play better than Spider-Man 3: The Game.
Eschatos's Avatar
Eschatos at 08/11/2007 22:28
They couldn't come up with a better villain than "The Protester" ? Come on, what happened to Satan, Jew-god, and the dark lord Atheia?
Bricfa's Avatar
Bricfa at 08/11/2007 22:33
I actually have to admit I have seen a few episodes of this show. (earlier ones) The bad guys are usually associated with some specific sin.

So this one is protesting?

*shudder*

such evil
Acefowl's Avatar
Acefowl at 08/11/2007 22:35
Can't...stop...LAUGHING...
Sharpless's Avatar
Sharpless at 08/11/2007 22:40
Without even looking at the author, I knew this post was written by the God-fearing, righteous hand of Jim Sterling. ;)

You know, admittedly, Bibleman is aimed at Christian children, so I don't really expect to truly "get" this, nor should any of us here expect to "get" this. But, honestly, I don't get this. Christians do stupid things, man. The "Wacky Protester"? Seriously, come on. I mean, I think they used to have villains dealing with sins, like "Greed Man" or something. But this is just dumb as shit. I'm sure the developers are well-intentioned, but this... no, kids, this is not how you improve the world... no. Just, no. Stop.
Jim Sterling's Avatar
Jim Sterling at 08/11/2007 22:41
Bricfa: He doesn't just protest ... he protests WACKILY!
DarkTravesty's Avatar
DarkTravesty at 08/11/2007 22:44
willie aames wants you to believe!
Sharpless's Avatar
Sharpless at 08/11/2007 22:44
Incidentally, according to Wikipedia, Willie Aames retired from the role in 2004. Sadness.
Volcanon's Avatar
Volcanon at 08/11/2007 22:45
lol! so what the hell is the massage from this game, shoot anyone that has a belief different from your own with a Nerf gun and bang on his head with a plastic light saber until the sees Jesus?
Jim Sterling's Avatar
Jim Sterling at 08/11/2007 22:46
Just like the Spanish Inquisition days!
Namelessted's Avatar
Namelessted at 08/11/2007 22:52
bible man is hilarious. Oddly enough, i have a tape of one of the episodes at home, that shit is hilarious. It makes for a really good drinking game. Take a shot/drink/whatever everytime somebody quote scripture.
topgeargorilla's Avatar
topgeargorilla at 08/11/2007 22:53
I'm kinda impressed with Destructoid's respect for Christianity.
Nobody here is really being a royal jerk about it.
Joystiq would have a ton of ignorant brats denouncing the whole religion because of this video. You guys are chill, and for that, I get you all candy bars.

I just better not bring up the Wii.....
deiga-the-semivaliant's Avatar
deiga-the-semivaliant at 08/11/2007 22:57
Well, you'd have to be really REALLY stupid to believe that Bibleman really represents the mentality of every Christian on earth.

And I want to emphasize REALLY.
Jim Sterling's Avatar
Jim Sterling at 08/11/2007 23:08
People need to stop trying to make religion seem "cool." That's the problem. Religion will never be "cool" unless it's the gospel shit with the people making kick-ass music and having the time of their lives. That is the only time religion can be cool.
Neonie's Avatar
Neonie at 08/11/2007 23:13
Wait... [Generic Super Hero] fights [poorly named bad guy] and [low funded title] what now?
topgeargorilla's Avatar
topgeargorilla at 08/11/2007 23:13
Jim

I so freaking whole heartedly agree with you. I've been so burnt out on legalistic and "churchy" people, that the only thing I can rely on is the legit thing. Sure I'm not perfect, but as a Christian, I know who is.

I rely on that. That makes my life worth living.
Sharpless's Avatar
Sharpless at 08/11/2007 23:14
Yeah, I don't think Jesus ever actually tried to be "cool" in the Gospels. He was more like, "Yo, this is whack, dawg. Homie don't play that."
Mxyzptlk's Avatar
Mxyzptlk at 08/11/2007 23:14
Bibleman is one of the greatest shows ever televised... If you're stoned and watching tv with a couple of atheist friends. I also recommend Way of the Master in that same situation.
topgeargorilla's Avatar
topgeargorilla at 08/11/2007 23:31
Let's talk about veggie tales now, okay?
Rogue Trooper's Avatar
Rogue Trooper at 08/11/2007 23:39
@topgeargorilll:

yeah, even though I'm Jewish, it is nice not to see anyone here bash Christianity as a whole over this.
topgeargorilla's Avatar
topgeargorilla at 08/11/2007 23:41
i loved veggie tales, I can sing almost all of the songs from the first 6 tapes or so.
Your moms new boyfriend's Avatar
Your moms new boyfriend at 08/11/2007 23:44
Finally, my prayers have been answered.

Thank you, Satan!
Music Hobo's Avatar
Music Hobo at 08/12/2007 00:10
I can safely say as a born again Christian I am offend by this game. Imagine someone making a game about something you firmly believe in but only they didn't and everyone starts to think that is what you believe. I earnestly despise the whole kiddy bible bullshit. I really do.
Music Hobo's Avatar
Music Hobo at 08/12/2007 00:12
I can safely say as a born again Christian I am offended by this game. Imagine someone making a game about something you firmly believe in but only they didn't and everyone starts to think that is what you believe. I earnestly despise the whole kiddy bible bullshit. I really do.
Sharpless's Avatar
Sharpless at 08/12/2007 00:13
@Christiangamer

You know, I like the idea of a Samson game, but you know that they can never go near anything Biblical like that. They'd have a million conservatives down on their heads like, well, Christians in a lion pit. Still, I'd love to play as Samson, or even just as generic armies of the time. If nothing else, those were some violent, action-packed times. While it's not set in Biblical times, that's one reason I look forward to Assassin's Creed - the Crusades setting, and playing in Jerusalem.
prev next 50 comments

Comment with Facebook





Click connect and comment instantly!

Comment with Dtoid





New? SIGN UP - it takes 5 seconds

Comments policy

Destructoid is an open discussion community. You don't need to "audition" to post a comment - just speak your mind. We respect differing opinions on the site, so have at it. Be smart, funny, insightful, clueless, or cute -- but back it up with substance. Keep your cool, keep it fun. We only ask that you act respectfully and above all: don't be a troll and ruin it for everyone else. Don't bring down gamers or we'll, you know, gently shoot you in the face and stuff you into a flaming mailbox. Each comment is your opportuntity to make this community awesomer. Is that even a word?

Avoiding the banhammer only requires common sense: spamming, trolling, racism, NSFW stuff, and other forms of sucking will not be tolerated. If anyone is griefing please report abuse. Be good. Don't suck!

 
New on Destructoid.TV play all videos

Loading
Loading Destructoid Videos



    Win this!
    Reminder: We're giving away six copies of Magnacarta 2!



    Dtoid Twitter    Got news?   tips@destructoid.com

    Reviews & Previews
    Mahjongg Artifacts 2 review
    Dragon Age: Origins review
    Lost Winds: The Winter of the Melodias review
    Osmos review
    Space Invaders Extreme 2 review
    Half-Minute Hero review
    JU-ON: The Grudge review
    Kenka Bancho: Badass Rumble review
    Thexder Neo review
    Domino Rally review
    more reviews
    PS3's 256-player MAG
    Rooms The Main Building
    Skate 3
    Hudson's bringing back the Bonk
    James Cameron's Avatar
    Bomberman Battlefest
    Calling
    Bad Company 2's multiplayer
    Partying like it's 1959 in BioShock 2's multiplayer
    BioShock 2 through the eyes of Big Daddy
    more previews


    - The Dtoid Army is 49527 strong -

    Showing Cblogs with 3+ faps   show all

    Call for entries: do the wrong thing
    New to Dtoid? Read the survival guide




     Originals
    Jim Sterling: Ten 'classic' games that did not age well





















    More Destructoid Originals



     Popular now more
























    Destructoid's editorial lovefest is:
    Nick Chester
    Editor-in-Chief    		 Jim Sterling
    Reviews Editor
    Dale North
    News Editor    		 Hamza Aziz
    Community Manager
    Anthony Burch
    Features Editor    		 Rey Gutierrez
    Video editor & director
    Niero
    Founder, publisher
    Letters to the editors
    tips@destructoid.com
    Associate Editors
    Ashley Davis Jonathan Holmes
    Brad Nicholson Jonathan Ross
    Brad Rice Jordan Devore
    Chad Concelmo Matthew Razak
    Colette Bennett Tom Fronczak
    Conrad Zimmerman Topher Cantler
    Dyson Samit Sarkar
    Contributors
    Adam Dork
    Ben Perlee
    Daniel Lingen
    Joseph Leray    		 Joe Burling
    Mikey
    Will Maddock
    Stella Wong





     

     
      get involved

    register or login
    post a blog
    post a forum
    enter a contest
    contribute a news tip
    suggest a feature
    be a guest editor
    		 support

    new member's guide
    login assistance
    tech support
    report abuse
    email our editors
    read our dev blog
    nuclear crisis?
    		 keep in touch

    RSS feed
    Twitter
    Facebook
    Myspace
    Flickr
    Game nights
    Meetup+play online     		seriously

    about Destructoid
    advertising
    terms of use
    privacy policy
    jobs at MM
    buy our crap     		our network

    Tomopop
    Japanator
    Despingation?



    Destructoid is an independently-run publication forged by our love of video games and the gaming community's need of accountable enthusiast press
    living the dream since March 16, 2006