It's obvious that when I get to play Bayonetta, I am going to masturbate over it. Hence the quandary: How can I play this game yet still crack off a frothy squirting from my throbby piping at the same time? Platinum Games has the answer!

Bayonetta's "Very Easy Automatic" mode is designed for noobs, but should also be perfectly suited to the chronic wanker. Able to be played with one hand, socially maladjusted gamers like myself will be able to pull their plonkers, issue a fine stringy jet of minging muck-magma, and clean up the pubic marshland without ever having to stop the game. Genius.

The mode has been demonstrated in video form (after the jump) and looks absolutely ludicrous in its simplicity. Luckily, of course, the real game is much tougher for veteran players who want a challenge. This is actually a really good idea. Real gamers get their hardcore, frustratingly difficult game, while the morons and babies of the world get to press one button and watch all the cool stuff happen. Everybody's a winner. 

Now I need to go to the toilet.