Loyal readers, I come to you with a grim and shocking truth - videogames are truly sick, demented and evil products of cruel and twisted perverts who wish to destroy the very basis of humanity as we know it. I originally wrote today's article on my personal site last year, but nobody listened. Nobody listened to the shocking and horrendous facts I'd laid out before them. Finally though, the banning of Manhunt 2 around the world has shown that common sense is returning to the masses. Yes, I may have helped Gamers for Gaming take form, but that was before I remembered how depraved the gaming world truly was. For my completely serious and not in any way sarcastic article, hit the jump.
Say
Videogames to almost anyone and you're guaranteed a thigh-slapping guffaw as the recipient of your word recalls the beloved
Dizzy series of cassette-based games for the Spectrum and Commodore 64. However, say it to the right people and you're guaranteed an altogether frostier reception as Mrs. Higgins remembers the time her son went
apesh*t with a
claw hammer or Professor Science recounts the harrowing tale of the time his students tried to
rape him after seeing a dog trying to have sex with a
Sega Genesis System. What do these hundreds of examples have in common?
Videogames! Indeed, it seems that the world of interactive entertainment is the new
Nazi Party for nazis, warping impressionable and innocent minds. But why? How? Who? Where? And the other question? All this and more will be explained!
SEX & VIOLENCE! Videogames are portals to a dimension of
corruption and
sin that twist young
minds into thinking that it is perfectly acceptable behaviour to
rape and kill everything they see. Without overexaggerating,
everybody who plays games will succumb to this damning
influence. But how does this happen?
It's quite simple. Videogames, every single one ever made, place you into environments where you can
stab people,
shoot people with
guns and arrows and clubs, have
icky sex with
women and
swear all the time without any consequences. Being able to commit every crime under the sun with no fear of reprisal has a
damaging effect on the minds of otherwise rational people, turning them into
highly trained killers within hours. If
you could kill your loved ones and rape children and get away with it, you would, wouldn't you? We all would. Videogames take away the
boundaries that keep us from doing these things, because we are all so very
easily influenced without any
self taught moral standards.
Videogames on the market today are produced purely to encourage
violent behaviour. Titles such as
Bioshock,
Metal Gear Solid 4 and
Dewy's Adventure all contain disturbingly graphic images of sex and violence... probably. This
sick filth should be
banned for all the violence that it is
scientifically proven to have caused. We proved it. With
science.
INCIDENT! For proof that games are
evil, look no further than
actual incidents that actually happened actually. On the morning of July 8th, 1999, two small boys played
GRAND THEFT AUTO OMG for a period of no less than thirty minutes. Two years later, one of the boys got knocked down in a
hit and run incident! Was this a coincidence? Sure, okay, yeah, coincidence. The boy died in hospital, for reference. And his dad used to abuse him. No doubt because he played
evil videogames. The patterns are there if you
look for them.
It's widely believed that
Harold Shipman was inspired by the twisted moral virtues of Bullfrog's
Theme Hospital to become one of England's most
prolific serial killers. And is it not true that the ammoral and enabling monster in the notorious
Splatter House videogames bears more than a passing resemblance to infamous murderer
Jason Vorhees who terrorised Camp Crystal Lake and Outer Space for over ten years?
Of course, one of the most famous recent cases was that of Stefan Pakeerah who was slaughtered by his friend Warren Leblanc in a park aged only 14. Now of course Warren, who was completely innocent of all crimes
except the stabbing, just happened to have played another of Rockstar's
depraved games,
MANHUNT. In this game, you are encouraged to
kill and possibly molest animals all the time, being pressured into ever more
perverse deeds. Is it any wonder that Warren
felt he had no choice but to kill a human being in
real life? No, it isn't. Because even rational human beings
are incapable of telling the difference between animation and real life.
Now, if you ignore that the motive for the murder was discovered to be robbery and focus only on the minute coincidence that Leblanc played
Manhunt, a very interesting statement can be made:
WARREN LEBLANC PLAYED MANHUNT AND KILLED SOMEBODY! The evidence is incontrovertable, there's no need for the jury to retire.
Manhunt was clearly some form of
instruction manual for the murderer, because it told you
exactly how to kill somebody in real life because tapping the X Button always works in real life so it's an instruction manual. Despite all the evidence that pointed to a bungled robbery, the true motive for the
murder was that Leblanc was
brainwashed by Rockstar for
some reason.
We must also ignore the fact that the boys were both aged 14 and thus shouldn't have legally been playing the game and that the parents perhaps should've kept an eye on that and that also maybe the parents of Stefan Pakeerah shouldn't have bought their own murdered son a copy of the very same game knowing what the age rating was on it unless they didn't know in which case it was just pure irresponsibility on their part if, and only if, they believed their teenage child was too stupid to handle an 18 videogame ... and focus on the pure
FACTS.
WARREN LEBLANC PLAYED MANHUNT AND KILLED SOMEBODY! WARREN LEBLANC PLAYED MANHUNT AND KILLED SOMEBODY! WARREN LEBLANC PLAYED MANHUNT AND KILLED SOMEBODY! WARREN LEBLANC PLAYED MANHUNT AND KILLED SOMEBODY! WARREN LEBLANC PLAYED MANHUNT AND KILLED SOMEBODY! Those are the straight edge facts. Accept them. Can we in good faith allow children access to the 18-rated games that we buy for them? Of course not.
But we are not to blame by the way, somehow it's the videogame company's fault. 
BLOOD ON THE HORIZON! If you are still un
convinced that videogames are
manuals of death, then maybe taking a look at some of the
sordid dirt coming out to stores near
you very soon will change your mind. Just check out this
purest sin ROD STEWART'S RAPES - A - POPPIN' 
In this disgusting title, you take on the eponymous antagonist Rod Stewart who rapes his way through twenty levels of
utter degradation. The aim is simple - rape as many women as you can before the legendary rock star has a hernia, all the while battling the foes of age and radio obscurity. You earn points for each woman raped and if you can meet a set rape quota, the cops will let you off the hook so long as you give them a performance of
Maggie May. You are then invited to sit back and watch a thrilling Rod Stewart pop performance as a rape reward for all your hard raping work. Rod Stewart himself has been very vocally supportive of this
awful game.
"Well, y'know, it's just a bit of rape," claimed the elfin musical idol in a recent IGN interview. "I defy you to find one man who hasn't done at least half a rape or so in his time. I don't think there'd be quite this much fuss if I were portrayed raping, say, loamy soil ... or something. People are too sensitive. The handbags and the gladrags, etcetera."
Says it all.
LEBANON HA HA 
Sometimes they just do it on purpose and this is indeed the case here. There is no plot, no rhyme nor reason. Your single goal is to walk around the war torn streets of Lebanon and laugh at the charred, mutilated remains of civilians that litter the street. One button 'locks on' to specific targets and you can cycle through a selection of possible subjects. You then press the button to make your character point at said target, then another to laugh. The 'skill' involved in this
atrocious game is timing your laughter, choosing how long to stay pointing and laughing before ducking clear of Israeli airstrikes.
Turning the Israel-Lebanon conflict into some sort of
joke is nothing to
joke about and is some sort of sick
joke. If children cannot be encouraged to take such things seriously, then what hope do they have? The
children.
Children.
HITLER'S HEROES 
In this
grotesque game, you take on the role of 'Uncle' Adolf Hitler, a supposedly fictional character not based on real life. In fact, everything in this game - Hitler, The Holocaust, are supposed to not be based on real persons, events or places. But it's set in Germany, which I'm sure
exists, as questionable as the other stuff is. Dubbed 'Ratchet & Clank with Nazis,' the summary on the back of the case tells you all you need to know about this
putrid thing:
Guten Tag, freuds! War Crime your way through eighteen levels of unbridled genocidal fun as Uncle Addy, based on the popular fictional role of the lovable Adolf Hitler, as portrayed by Charlie Chaplin. Those nefarious Hebrews are up to yet another global conspiracy, so it's up to YOU to Holocaust their asses before it's Jew late. Let's not forget those subhuman slavs and gypsies, either ... and who could forget the queers? Yes, I think it's time we showed those scumbags who's boss in the only way we know how - a grade-A dose of Zyklon B! With cutting edge graphics and a full vocal cast including the voice of Megatron, Frank Welker, this Heilarious adventure will leave you feeling swastastic!
Warning - contains mild nazism.
I need say no more.
THE GOOD GUYS!
John Bruce is a lawyer from The United World Of America in America. This American is at the vanguard in the war on filth. Bruce, a former crab fisherman, has taken the producers of videogames to court for their crimes against humanity (all unsuccessfully). Destructoid was very lucky to catch an interview with the man himself and discuss his views on violent videogames, where he shared some interesting views.
"You know Sony, right? Well, they're Japanese. That means that I can say their selling videogames to America is exactly the same as when the sumbitches bombed Pearl Harbour," Bruce said, before we'd even asked a question. "A videogame is about ten times more dangerous than any kind of explosive device, because it trains people how to make explosive devices, which are dangerous. Everybody knows that nearly all videogame developers make bombs as well, especially those slant-eyed devils!"
Bruce went on to tell us more fascinating truths. "Everybody knows that 17 year olds can buy 18-rated games. Somehow this is the fault of the people who made the games because they have control over the independant retailers who sell their material. Somehow." Bruce's words are damning and also correct. He has fought many lawsuits on behalf of the families of murder victims in his bid to prove that every single crime committed by a teenager is the result of videogames and has nothing to do with the fact that they might just be, y'know, dicks.
John Bruce has uncovered a shocking fact - many 14 year olds actually play videogames! Because of this, and because a tiny percentage of 14 year olds have been involved in violent crime, the link between the two is undeniable. "It's true. 14 year old Michael Carneal who is not made up murdered three children in Paducah, Kentucky, and was well known for playing several videogames such as Doom, in which you shoot giant slavering demons with a chaingun - clearly something Carneal mimicked when he attacked three small children, because who could tell the difference? He also accessed pornographic websites and really, the idea of a teenage boy wanting to look at porn is just unbelievable. Games are to blame once more!"
"Videogame makers are unreasonable and irrational. That's why I want them dead and won't reason with any of them," Bruce said when asked if he'd ever tried speaking directly with games developers. We agree with him. Bruce has been criticized in the past by people claiming that he wants to halt free speech by seeing videogames taken to task. "Videogame discs can't speak, so it's not speech. That's why I can get them banned," was Bruce's blunt answer.
"We've done tests. Tests showing that videogames condition a teenager's mind to go out and kill. I will give you the results if you ask for them. It might take a while because we lost them."
THE FINAL LEVEL!
So, hopefully we've raised awareness in this article and proved conclusively that videogames are evil. Remember, criminals are rarely responsible for their actions just like parents aren't responsible for their children. No, it is the fault of many other things that people turn out the way they do and that we are never to blame. If your child has been the victim of violence, make sure that you blame whatever the perpetrator was playing/watching/listening to because it really isn't the fault of murderers that they murder. Remember, for every Manson there's a Manhunt, for every Gacy there's a GTA and for every Shipman there's a Sonic The Hedgehog 2.
Right, did that sound dumb and sensationalist enough to be accepted by the mainstream press?
Yeah?
Terrific!
Contest:
12:53 PM on 06.22.2007
| 
I also submit that Sterling is a violence basher.
Wasn't their a report saying how teenage violence has gone DOWN recently?
WHUT HAPPIND?
This is a game where you sneak up behind people and execute them in gruesome ways. They have no chance to defend themselves. And for this, you are rewarded with ever-more gross execution cinemas.
Rockstar knew exactly how far to push the violence and maintain an M rating, and they went a little farther. It is all calculated PR spin. If they really believe in this piece of interactive torture-porn, then let them release it for PC and sell it online. Frankly, seeing this on Wii is like expecting Nickelodeon to play Hostel! Who needs it?
Jinx!
Is my nose brown?
As far as Manhunt 2, not my kinda game but I don't see why everyone has their panties in a twist. Torture movies as of late have been kicking ass at the box office, personally, some of the stuff they show in Saw and Hostel grossed me the fuck out. After the first pair of movies, I decided not to see the rest of their sequels. But the fact stands, they sell well at the box office.
Why not let a game sell well too?
Matt C. at IGN and Bozon were saying how it is pretty gruesome and they can see how it was rated AO. Even commented on how some of the control is disturbing.
You just press the x button to load right?
or jack thompson, i don't even fucking care, I just want to see a response so bad.
I'd rather the game not have a rape OR sex scene in it. If I want to watch that...interwebs or find a lady friend!
Violence should have its limits. You should't make a game where you play as a serial killer for example.
I will repeat that phrase like a mantra, now and forever.
Yeah, I'm just going to leave anything and everything related to this topic alone. Fucking sick of it, from both sides of the issue.
Maybe then I could find a god-dammed Wii!
You know what? Fuck this game. Fuck Manhunt 2. Fuck video games. Fuck the people who like them. Fuck the people who hate them. Especially the people who hate them. Fuck the people who defend video games in the popular press, fuck everything up, and make us all look like mouth-breathing mongoloids. Fuck clever people who disguise the ranting of their bruised egos with snarky witticisms.
Fuck Jack Thompson. Fuck the people who hate Jack Thompson. And REALLY, REALLY fuck the people who make death threats at Jack Thompson, because they perpetuate all of the stereotypes fed by the sort of ignorance that Jim so cleverly skewers in this Swiftian tirade of his.
Fuck Rockstar for claiming that their game is a work of art. Art is a reflection of history; history is violent, and art is often violent (the good stuff occasionally gets brutal), but art also provokes thought, or at least it should. If Manhunt 2 is meant to provoke thought, they sure as hell aren't selling it that way, and that makes them all a pack of incompetent twats. If the game is as shallow as its advertising makes it look, fuck them for calling it art, because it's not. It's wish fulfillment, and those two are not the same thing.
Fuck the BBFC, the ESRB, and the ESA. Fuck them all for becoming embroiled in something that shouldn't have been an issue. Fuck them for turning the entire video game industry into a smoldering wreck that I would never touch again if I wasn't already in the motherfucking middle of it.
Fuck everyone involved on both sides of this psychotic pissing match for reducing video games - my creative passion and my life's ambition - to a political hot button. Fuck everyone who perpetuates this bullshit. I spend every day at the office looking over my shoulder for the next wannabe pundit who wants to whip out his opinion-phallus for all to see, knowing in my heart that everything that is said and done in this arena makes our chosen medium of expression harder to take seriously with each passing day.
Do you see Warren Spector chanting mantras about this shit? When was the last time you heard about video game censorship from CliffyB? Or Jason Jones? Or Ken Levine? Everyone involved in this argument latches onto content produced by people who work absurd hours under horrifying restrictions to satisfy a passionate creative desire, and people shit all over it for the sake of attacking or defending a goddamn electronic box.
Somebody in a meeting decides that a game that pushes the envelope of acceptable content - regardless of whether or not the story bears any intellectual fruit, which I doubt - will sell like hotcakes, and drops the prospectus at the feet of one of two people:
1. A designer with a vision and some true goddamn ambition who only takes the project in the hopes of moving on to something bigger and better, or
2. A knuckle-dragging philistine with a degree from Full Sail who thinks it might be fun to throttle someone with a white plastic remote.
People like #1 are getting fucked by every single person who feels the desire to weigh in on this colossal clusterfuck, and people like #2 are doing the majority of that fucking. Rockstar has a large and influential population of hacks, prima donnas, and attention whores, and I pity the competent people who get stuck with the task of actually bringing their half-assed ideas to fruition.
There is no solution. This whole thing is fucked. Either video games slowly get shittier over the next ten years, or ten years from now there won't be any video games.
WHO IS JOHN GALT, MOTHERFUCKERS?
Also, you just won a month of Fake Game Fridays
Also, I can't help but just shake my head at this post. You want to know another reason why our side of the debate has never had a voice in the mainstream media? The attitude of "let's mock and parody the other side of the debate and show how superior we are" as seen in this post. Jack Thompson does this in his emails and press releases, though in a much simpler form. Could we just once try to not stoop down to the opposition's level of idiocy and, you know, maybe show ourselves to be more thought-out and mature than they are? Because, you know, people might listen and take us seriously, then.
I'm pissed off today, so forgive me if I come across a little harsh or incoherent.
Who the fuck is Jim Sterling?
[j/k Even tho you are wrong most of the time, I <3 ya man]
You wouldn't also happen to be chained to a sinking game company, would you?
Anyway, I'm planning on writing up a couple of blog posts explaining how I feel about the Manhunt debacle and "gaming culture" in general. I know most of you don't care, but those of you shaking your head at me and looking for a voodoo doll should probably read it, once it's up.
Check out MY assaholic blog Yes it sucks, but so do vaccuums.