Miami. It has beaches. We often go on long walks along the marina with our coked-up  mustached unicorns, collecting seashells and avoiding used condoms and needles. It's a beautiful, multi-cultural smorgasborg.

This morning we stumbled upon a message in a bottle containing a VHS tape with a note scribbled on a tobacco leaf. It laid out gruesome details of another deadly Russian weapon they may be planning on sneaking into Cuba.  The reporter claims that he's seen a simulation of the horror: a hurricane generator powerful enough to hail giant pointy blocks from the sky into neat (but deadly!) rows, causing everything nearby to be pulverized into thin air as more blocks continue to drop until there is nothing left but memories and pain. Children and dogs dead. Fields of rolling sugar cane flattened. Dreams of a capitalist resurgence crushed.

After procuring a VHS player from our local thrift shop we have determined that it was a false alarm. It's just Bacalao talking about Tetris. Video after the jump. It's funnier if you speak Spanish, but it also has  subtitles and utilizes the universal communication technique used by the ancients (man boobs and dancing).