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Attack of the Show? Fo' sho

9:21 PM on 11.02.2007   |   Tristero


 
I came, I saw, I con … spiracy theoried? My debut on Attack of the Show has arrived and, as expected, I came off like a raving lunatic. All part of my plan, you see. My plan that will continue to unfold in my dark closet where I cross out the eyes of presidents with a red Sharpie, crying like an unloved baby while smearing my naked body in peanut butter and reciting ancient Masonic rites. What on earth am I talking about? Just watch the clip above.

I would like to retract one small error. You know, the egregious one about Abraham Lincoln's political career. Just goes to show, you can't always trust the research you read off of Wikipedia ten minutes before you stumble into the studio, high as a kite off of a wicked Diphenhydramine and Kolikodol cocktail. And you heard me right, Destructoid selected Stephen Colbert as the presidential candidate that best represents our political pursuit of happiness through interactive entertainment. Although his application was denied yesterday by the South Carolina Democratic party, we're hoping he'll pick himself up by the bootstraps and soldier on.  You know us, we love an underdog.

We also talked about videogames on the program, but who cares about those? If G4 ever invites me back, it'll be on the odd day when they need "wacky guy" filler. I'll be happy to oblige. Before I get put out to pasture, did I ever mention I love everyone here at Destructoid? From the dedicated Community Bloggers on up to our amazing staff. And God. And Jesus. And the Bible.







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54 comments | showing # 1 to 50
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next 50 comments

Cheeburga's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/02/2007 21:20
Cheeburga
lulz
walnutthewise's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/02/2007 21:35
walnutthewise
The freemasons will aid Colbert to victory!
Mabec's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/02/2007 21:38
Mabec
g4 is on dial up, and crack.
XeroxMe's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/02/2007 21:41
XeroxMe
Stephen Colbert is the next Abe Lincoln. You all heard it.
Variable Gear's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/02/2007 21:46
Variable Gear
The Lincoln line was legendary!
Volomon's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/02/2007 22:00
Volomon
G4 bandwidth sucks ballz.
Mabec's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/02/2007 22:02
Mabec
And Tristero, you sound smart when you are on TV... WHATS UP WITH THAT?
taumpytears's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/02/2007 22:06
taumpytears
The G4 video player sucks so badly...
AngelsDontBurn's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/02/2007 22:13
AngelsDontBurn
MAAAAAN, MATT I MISS YOU HOE. Great job!

Yeah, the G4 video player does suck badly. :(
Clockwork's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/02/2007 22:15
Clockwork
YOU ARE INSANE. LOLZ!!!@!12!
king3vbo's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/02/2007 22:21
king3vbo
Fuck yah Tristero! I laughed, I cried, I got tight in the pants
HawtPawkitHero's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/02/2007 22:31
HawtPawkitHero
You did great.
charliesuh's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/02/2007 22:44
charliesuh
Go Matt!

Omg.. I know another TV star now!
skeletor's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/02/2007 22:52
skeletor
veronica belmont is hot...... what was that show premiering monday?
ZekeThePlumber's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/02/2007 22:57
ZekeThePlumber
I'd hit that. And then steal her last name and make vampire hunting babies.
spitonastranger's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/02/2007 22:58
spitonastranger
you are the awesomest.

Not at all ridiculous. Long live the free masons.
charliesuh's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/02/2007 23:07
charliesuh
oh wow.. i just realized who spitonastranger is... :P
Darren Nakamura's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/02/2007 23:07
Darren Nakamura
The video is taking for-friggin'-ever to load. I want to see it!
BlueWolf72's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/02/2007 23:10
BlueWolf72
job well woof'n done
Virtualgirl's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/02/2007 23:13
Virtualgirl
Great job!!! You did awesome! I would barf on myself...
Darren Nakamura's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/02/2007 23:21
Darren Nakamura
Ah yes I finally got it all. That was excellent.
falinter's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/02/2007 23:26
falinter
17?!? holy crap. he shouldnt have tried so hard. look how it ended up for him.
GrayFox's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/02/2007 23:27
GrayFox
Veronica Belmont has won my heart.

Also, nice job Tristero.
Coonskin05's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/02/2007 23:27
Coonskin05
Tristero my friend, you kicked ass, and truly represented Destructoid well. I can only imagine they will be inviting you back again.
Cutie Honey's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/02/2007 23:32
Cutie Honey
Baby, you're a STAR!
Brad Rice's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/02/2007 23:39
Brad Rice
Dude. Now I can never go on TV to represent dtoid. You're too awesome.
kobewan0824's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/03/2007 00:04
kobewan0824
You were awesome, great job.
Wedge's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/03/2007 00:16
Wedge
That was far to lacking in awkward silence and stumbling lines. What the hell is wrong with you!?
zaqu's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/03/2007 00:42
zaqu
SWEET JESUS YOU OWNED they got half words and ideas your some sort of ....internet matlock or something
cjpkiller's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/03/2007 00:43
cjpkiller
you did well...
other than like you said guy running for president 17 times...
Cyberxion's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/03/2007 00:45
Cyberxion
I watched that shit. It was...entertaining.

Hell, I had no idea what I was watching for the first few minutes, but I liked it just the same. That douche and the chick were far out, but then you upped the ante when you started talking. Good stuff.
Tristero's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/03/2007 00:56
Tristero
@cjp: But that was my favorite part ;)
Sharpless's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/03/2007 00:59
Sharpless
It's now one of my life goals to be a talking head on Attack Of The Show. Or maybe I'll settle for Podtoid. And, hey, is it my imagination or did you only just get on staff two or three months ago? What the hell? Destructoid is amazing. From reader to on-cable-television staff member in no time at all.
BenHaskett's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/03/2007 01:13
BenHaskett
Congratulations, Tristero! You looked great on TV!
Tiff's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/03/2007 01:24
Tiff
Do you know what you have?
(what)
S-T-Y-L-E
styleeeeeeeeee

that was one class act. way to pwn them over with that Abe lincoln snapple cap fact :P
SenorCalavera's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/03/2007 01:30
SenorCalavera
They tried to catch you off guard when they asked you a TV question. But you pwned it, he realized your presence and was forced to go to the game questions. Nice Job.
slapme7times's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/03/2007 02:00
slapme7times
good work. japan would be a good model. it would also make a good cookie.

mmmm... japan shaped cookies, dipped into a milky sea of Japan... mmmm...
bleep's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/03/2007 02:13
bleep
Even if some of your facts were off you acted calm and collected, and I saw fear in the eyes of the other members of the panel.
Chad Concelmo's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/03/2007 02:40
Chad Concelmo
Matt, you were FANTASTIC! Seriously, that was awesome. :) :)
Bob Muir's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/03/2007 03:37
Bob Muir
Great job man, you looked really at ease.
Justice's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/03/2007 05:27
Justice
You rocked the show!
0chan's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/03/2007 06:22
0chan
RON PAUL 2008
Tristero's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/03/2007 06:51
Tristero
The craziest news! Apparently, Steven Colbert knows about the vast Masonic conspiracy that runs the elections also. We made similar announcements at the same time.
hexfix93's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/03/2007 07:52
hexfix93
like i said, you media fucks are so short sighted and off the mark on all most everything, oh sony is doomed bs. sony will be fine, and will be #1 in 2 years..

more good AAA titles will be on ps3 over the next 2 years. microsoft has only 1 halo, thats it. its over for them..
Dale North's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/03/2007 09:02
Dale North
I have no idea about the previous post, but I know this:

Tristero: you kicked ass, meng!

Veronica Belmont: I love you
balth's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/03/2007 09:49
balth
Off the hook, you did an excellent job. My hat, if I had one, would be off to you immediately.
Samit Sarkar's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/03/2007 10:11
Samit Sarkar
Damn...you have poise and composure on TV, Tristero, and that’s something that I could never think of achieving. But I still think that a spin-off from The Office needs to be nipped in the bud.
KOOOSHEE's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/03/2007 11:08
KOOOSHEE
way to raise the bar cheif, you did just fine
Phist's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/03/2007 11:20
Phist
The Trifecta is complete.

Nagiko
Chizzo
Tristero

Belmont chick is cute, but nothing more than that. I nominate Tristero to run with Colbert so Dtoid community will have free Doritos up to our necks and national video game holidays. Tristero fanboy fo life. I WANT MORE TRIFECTA ON AOTS!
KamikazeTutor's Avatar - Comment posted on 11/03/2007 11:22
KamikazeTutor
Nice work dude.

Actually I was wondering were our politics here in Portugal got the idea of giving the little Internet Providers a chance on the market. After you mentioned what went on in Japan, it's all clear now.
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