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Asteroids: The Movie. Seriously. photo

Universal studios has just bought the rights to produce a film based on the classic Atari game, Asteroids. I'm going to repeat that sentence, just so you know I typed it, with more emphasis:

Universal Studios has just bought the rights to produce a film based on the classic Atari game, Asteroids.

On the bright side, there's no story to Asteroids for them to screw up. Really, all they need to do is have a triangular ship breaking apart rocks in space to stay true to the source material. Even now, I can see the cheesy "tribute" placed in the flick where the plucky crew of astronauts look in horror at a radar screen using the graphics from the game.

The fact that a film about Asteroids isn't even the most ridiculous part of this story, either. The Hollywood Reporter says that four film studios were engaged in a bidding war for the property. I don't even know quite how to react to that this early in the morning.


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30 comments | showing # 1 to 30

Havoc Fang's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/02/2009 10:24
Havoc Fang
Everyone, now is the time. Raise your index fingers and open your mouths, then drop both into a "WTF" face.
walkyourpath's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/02/2009 10:25
walkyourpath
They better film this in black and white.
Daxelman's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/02/2009 10:27
Daxelman
[voice=stereotypical Japanese man]

WAHT DA HEOOL?

[/voice]
grafkhun's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/02/2009 10:27
grafkhun
It better be in 3d.
manasteel88's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/02/2009 10:30
manasteel88
I guess it'll be like Armageddon without Ben Affleck
bodybreak's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/02/2009 10:32
bodybreak
this has Michael Bay written all over it.
buzzhonky's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/02/2009 10:32
buzzhonky
"I don't even know quite how to react to that this early in the morning."

I usually take a few shots of Maker's and laugh.
Los255's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/02/2009 10:33
Los255
What is this I don't even.

Next up: Centipede.
JohnnyViral's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/02/2009 10:37
JohnnyViral
Seriously.
What.
The.
Fuck.
eternalplayer2345's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/02/2009 10:41
eternalplayer2345
This movie gonna be ass................nope not even pun worthy
Gyrael's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/02/2009 10:41
Gyrael
That's Hollywood for you.
Swizzler121's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/02/2009 10:42
Swizzler121
I'M FROM THE FUTURE, I MUST WARN YOU. THE SHIP IS ROUND!
falinter's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/02/2009 10:43
falinter
Better than facebook the movie.
Xhumation's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/02/2009 10:57
Xhumation
I wonder what they can do with this but sounds like a very weak premise.
and since we're doing this. I want to see Burger Time: The Movie
HiddenAHB's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/02/2009 10:57
HiddenAHB
They will add some hot people, a high tech ship, a crap story adn call it Asteroids.
If they filmed 1 and a half hour of Asteroids gameplay and than use it as the film it would be a lot better.

PS: WTFWFJD?!??!?
Elsa's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/02/2009 11:10
Elsa
hmmmm... the movie industry seems to be getting rather desperate lately!
TKurata's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/02/2009 11:46
TKurata
HAHAHAHAHAHA

Hollywood is teh LOLz
The-Excel's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/02/2009 12:20
The-Excel
What's next, Roshambo the movie?
foolishwolf's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/02/2009 12:25
foolishwolf
I cannot stop laughing. Hilarious article, hilarious comments and of course the always hilarious and silly Hollywood.
Ganjookie's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/02/2009 12:25
Ganjookie
Dream come true. I've always envisioned a sci-fi tale of a brave astronaut vs large rocks. I'm really hoping Uwe Boll somehow grabs this one!
Black Nexus's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/02/2009 12:27
Black Nexus
Are you serious?
VisMortua's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/02/2009 12:44
VisMortua
Do you think this might be like King of Kong perhaps? Maybe actually, 'about,' the video game? Just speculation really. Yet, somehow I think they might actually make this into something more... ridiculous lets say.

I want an Event Horizon 2: Asteroids. =D
psycho terror2's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/02/2009 12:48
psycho terror2
after seeing the AWESOME (fake) tetris movie trailer i can see some potential. they really will have to go all out to make it work though.
MechaMonkey's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/02/2009 15:17
MechaMonkey
Space Invaders and Missile Command if this does well.

I guarantee it.

Mr Kite's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/02/2009 19:29
Mr Kite
I'm holding out for breakout: the movie
Largo Peligro's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/02/2009 19:33
Largo Peligro
I can't figure this out.
I just can't figure it out.
An ASTEROIDS Movie?
I...I think my brain just shit itself.
MY entire world just broke.
NihonTiger90's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/02/2009 19:39
NihonTiger90
... What?
Nicojay2's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/02/2009 21:42
Nicojay2
"Senior engineer Steve Calfee reflected that Asteroids appeals to some low, primitive drive in the human mind to clean and take control of the environment. Blasting asteroids into rubble until a once-crowded screen turned into a neat black field appealed to people whose lives were nothing but a field of chaos. For them, Asteroids became a metaphor for life." - Paul Schuytema, Microsoft Arcade, The Official Strategy Guide.

The stuff of truly great movies. I don't know if I'm taking the piss or actually believe that. :0
FormerAcorn's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/02/2009 21:53
FormerAcorn
This is very simple.

Keanu Reeves plays a troubled man who sets off on his own (in his incredibly angular spaceship) on a self fulfilling journey... Until he gets caught in an asteroid belt.

Also, he has a dog that he talks to that way we can hear his thoughts without any cheesy voice over effects.
fetusmilk's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/05/2009 19:17
fetusmilk
whens the live action pac man movie coming out?
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