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Asteroids: The Movie. Seriously. photo

Universal studios has just bought the rights to produce a film based on the classic Atari game, Asteroids. I'm going to repeat that sentence, just so you know I typed it, with more emphasis:

Universal Studios has just bought the rights to produce a film based on the classic Atari game, Asteroids.

On the bright side, there's no story to Asteroids for them to screw up. Really, all they need to do is have a triangular ship breaking apart rocks in space to stay true to the source material. Even now, I can see the cheesy "tribute" placed in the flick where the plucky crew of astronauts look in horror at a radar screen using the graphics from the game.

The fact that a film about Asteroids isn't even the most ridiculous part of this story, either. The Hollywood Reporter says that four film studios were engaged in a bidding war for the property. I don't even know quite how to react to that this early in the morning.


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30 comments | showing # 1 to 30

Havoc Fang's Avatar
Havoc Fang at 07/02/2009 10:24
Everyone, now is the time. Raise your index fingers and open your mouths, then drop both into a "WTF" face.
walkyourpath's Avatar
walkyourpath at 07/02/2009 10:25
They better film this in black and white.
Daxelman's Avatar
Daxelman at 07/02/2009 10:27
[voice=stereotypical Japanese man]

WAHT DA HEOOL?

[/voice]
grafkhun's Avatar
grafkhun at 07/02/2009 10:27
It better be in 3d.
manasteel88's Avatar
manasteel88 at 07/02/2009 10:30
I guess it'll be like Armageddon without Ben Affleck
bodybreak's Avatar
bodybreak at 07/02/2009 10:32
this has Michael Bay written all over it.
buzzhonky's Avatar
buzzhonky at 07/02/2009 10:32
"I don't even know quite how to react to that this early in the morning."

I usually take a few shots of Maker's and laugh.
Los255's Avatar
Los255 at 07/02/2009 10:33
What is this I don't even.

Next up: Centipede.
JohnnyViral's Avatar
JohnnyViral at 07/02/2009 10:37
Seriously.
What.
The.
Fuck.
eternalplayer2345's Avatar
eternalplayer2345 at 07/02/2009 10:41
This movie gonna be ass................nope not even pun worthy
Gyrael's Avatar
Gyrael at 07/02/2009 10:41
That's Hollywood for you.
Swizzler121's Avatar
Swizzler121 at 07/02/2009 10:42
I'M FROM THE FUTURE, I MUST WARN YOU. THE SHIP IS ROUND!
falinter's Avatar
falinter at 07/02/2009 10:43
Better than facebook the movie.
Xhumation's Avatar
Xhumation at 07/02/2009 10:57
I wonder what they can do with this but sounds like a very weak premise.
and since we're doing this. I want to see Burger Time: The Movie
HiddenAHB's Avatar
HiddenAHB at 07/02/2009 10:57
They will add some hot people, a high tech ship, a crap story adn call it Asteroids.
If they filmed 1 and a half hour of Asteroids gameplay and than use it as the film it would be a lot better.

PS: WTFWFJD?!??!?
Elsa's Avatar
Elsa at 07/02/2009 11:10
hmmmm... the movie industry seems to be getting rather desperate lately!
TKurata's Avatar
TKurata at 07/02/2009 11:46
HAHAHAHAHAHA

Hollywood is teh LOLz
The-Excel's Avatar
The-Excel at 07/02/2009 12:20
What's next, Roshambo the movie?
foolishwolf's Avatar
foolishwolf at 07/02/2009 12:25
I cannot stop laughing. Hilarious article, hilarious comments and of course the always hilarious and silly Hollywood.
Ganjookie's Avatar
Ganjookie at 07/02/2009 12:25
Dream come true. I've always envisioned a sci-fi tale of a brave astronaut vs large rocks. I'm really hoping Uwe Boll somehow grabs this one!
Black Nexus's Avatar
Black Nexus at 07/02/2009 12:27
Are you serious?
VisMortua's Avatar
VisMortua at 07/02/2009 12:44
Do you think this might be like King of Kong perhaps? Maybe actually, 'about,' the video game? Just speculation really. Yet, somehow I think they might actually make this into something more... ridiculous lets say.

I want an Event Horizon 2: Asteroids. =D
psycho terror2's Avatar
psycho terror2 at 07/02/2009 12:48
after seeing the AWESOME (fake) tetris movie trailer i can see some potential. they really will have to go all out to make it work though.
MechaMonkey's Avatar
MechaMonkey at 07/02/2009 15:17
Space Invaders and Missile Command if this does well.

I guarantee it.

Mr Kite's Avatar
Mr Kite at 07/02/2009 19:29
I'm holding out for breakout: the movie
Largo Peligro's Avatar
Largo Peligro at 07/02/2009 19:33
I can't figure this out.
I just can't figure it out.
An ASTEROIDS Movie?
I...I think my brain just shit itself.
MY entire world just broke.
NihonTiger90's Avatar
NihonTiger90 at 07/02/2009 19:39
... What?
Nicojay2's Avatar
Nicojay2 at 07/02/2009 21:42
"Senior engineer Steve Calfee reflected that Asteroids appeals to some low, primitive drive in the human mind to clean and take control of the environment. Blasting asteroids into rubble until a once-crowded screen turned into a neat black field appealed to people whose lives were nothing but a field of chaos. For them, Asteroids became a metaphor for life." - Paul Schuytema, Microsoft Arcade, The Official Strategy Guide.

The stuff of truly great movies. I don't know if I'm taking the piss or actually believe that. :0
FormerAcorn's Avatar
FormerAcorn at 07/02/2009 21:53
This is very simple.

Keanu Reeves plays a troubled man who sets off on his own (in his incredibly angular spaceship) on a self fulfilling journey... Until he gets caught in an asteroid belt.

Also, he has a dog that he talks to that way we can hear his thoughts without any cheesy voice over effects.
fetusmilk's Avatar
fetusmilk at 07/05/2009 19:17
whens the live action pac man movie coming out?
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