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Art Juice: The Ultimate Videogame Protagonist photo

[Every week (until I get bored), Art Juice takes a recent videogame story and provides an unremittingly artistic slant, telling us a little something about ourselves in the process ... whether we want to know the truth or not!]

There has been a lot of talk about videogames and homosexuality lately, and much argument has sparked around the idea of a gay videogame hero. One common argument brought up in the discussion is, "Why does it have to be gay? Why not female, or black, or disabled?" 

People forget that changing a subject does not invalidate an argument, but they say it anyway because they know they can score a cheap agreement. After all, why not have more black or hispanic characters? Why not a transgendered person, more women, people with disabilities? Why not have all these issues bundled up into one character?

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the ULTIMATE videogame protagonist, a Swiss army knife of sociopolitical commentary. In the future, ALL videogame characters will look like this, and it will be glorious.








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Jim Sterling serves as reviews editor for Destructoid.com, head of the Podtoid podcast, and produces a number of news stories, original features, one-of-a-kind videos. With his passionate argumentative style, controversial opinions, harsh delivery, and dedication to brutal honesty Sterling is a name that you can't help but recognize. Likes PS2, iPod Touch, Silent Hill 2, Metal Gear Solid, Dynasty Warriors 3 Meet the rest of the team



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57 comments | showing # 1 to 50
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next 50 comments

BkV's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 09:05
BkV
Seems like I shall take up faceless racing games now.
Awesome picture, Sterling.
El Conrado's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 09:06
El Conrado
It's missing the fur... for the furries.

...and it should be a vegan meat eater.
El Conrado's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 09:07
El Conrado
You failed me yet again, Sterling.
Tarvu's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 09:08
Tarvu
What will they sound like though? Or did they burn out their larynx through smoking hundreds of cigarettes to make smoke signals that saved the lives of thousands?
Lowlander2's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 09:08
Lowlander2
But what game shall we put them in? A text adventure?
T3HM0RR0W's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 09:10
T3HM0RR0W
I swear, I think I've played that game on the Apple IIE. Maybe it was just a dream. : (
tehTommy's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 09:10
tehTommy
I fell on the floor at "multi-faith tentacles".
Epic-Kx's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 09:12
Epic-Kx
PERFECT AUGMENTATION.
DR Mexico's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 09:13
DR Mexico
I really like the shading on this one and the theme is classic 'Jim'.
Although, I was hoping that there would be more significant improvements in your art after getting a tablet. I understand that this is your style but, aside from your lines being smoother, there is little improvement from your MS Paint works.
Also a disappointing lack of anus and/or demons.
T3HM0RR0W's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 09:18
T3HM0RR0W
Also: Needs moar anus-demons.
Jawmuncher's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 09:18
Jawmuncher
This is GLORIOUS
Bishna's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 09:20
Bishna
Jim i usually like your stuff, but this is just offensive. WAI IS YOUR CHARACTER NOT STRUGGLING WITH MENTAL ILLNESS OR IS EFFECTED BY SOMEONE WHO IS? What are you afraid of you bigot?
Bishna's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 09:21
Bishna
or should i say BIGot? because flesh.
redsun's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 09:28
redsun
I want those multi-faith tentacles all over my body.
LuizPSC's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 09:34
LuizPSC
If this are a eunuch?
if not, what are your afraid Jim?

And need more spider-anus.
Jim Sterling's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 09:36
Jim Sterling
DR Mexico:

Hey now, I never claimed to be good, ever! :-)

That said, I only just got this tablet thing and I really do wanna keep practicing and maybe be better. I *like* doing pictures, despite not being great at them. Hopefully practice makes perfect.
Noir's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 09:39
Noir
Then the resounding reply was "I never asked for this".
Jamie McGinn's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 09:47
Jamie McGinn
I'd bang.. him... her... it?
BalloonFighter's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 09:55
BalloonFighter
Wheel leg? I thought it was an anus on a stick.
BrainWasherAttendent's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 09:56
BrainWasherAttendent
Has anyone seen Call of Duty sales and Sterling's reviews of them? Yeah, that's why game characters are "all the same".

Gamers ignore or bash so so many games that don't fit in the DUDEBRO MILITARY SIMULATION ANGRY ROIDED MAN BARBARIAN, that they ensure that we will continue to get what works, and that is the lowest common denominator material.
HappyDayWarrior's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 09:57
HappyDayWarrior
At first, I thought the bottom tentacle was holding a banana, because, you know, objectivity.
Roberto Plankton's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 10:00
Roberto Plankton
WHY DO YOU MOCK ME AND MY PEOPLE?!
Lord Kolekovishin's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 10:13
Lord Kolekovishin
Weird, I only made up a character who was all races, yet looked white.
arkane9's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 10:32
arkane9
Or...:
Pajolero's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 10:46
Pajolero
Glorious indeed.
BumGamer's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 10:58
BumGamer
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Jim. How aboutsya gather your art juice 'pieces' (yes, I use this term very loosely) and put up a gallery or exhibition or whatever it is called in the art world. You could make up some crap excuse about why these works are art and -- badda boom boom -- Sterling is the new Picasso. Try it. I know you want to.
qlum's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 11:10
qlum
still misses the boobs and the penis
Tocor's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 11:17
Tocor
He misses proper aspies, -1.
Jonathan Holmes's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 11:18
Jonathan Holmes
Hey...

THAT'S ME!
Hurricrane's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 11:19
Hurricrane
Who the FUCK said there should be a disabled protagonist? Someone explain to me how that would work. Does the wheelchair they're bound to have rockets like Bentley?
Idiot.

Other than that I enjoy the depth of this piece, a subtle commentary on humanity's desperation in the face of not getting to space. Truly tragic. :(
TheRedDevil's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 11:19
TheRedDevil
Very funny stuff.
Felix Kyo Grnewald's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 11:21
Felix Kyo Grnewald
At first I thought this was a self-portrait, but if you look very closely you will see it's not.
Lord Kolekovishin's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 11:35
Lord Kolekovishin
I'm guessing the protagonist in a wheelchair could have psychic powers ala Dr Xavier, or could be piloting a huge wheelchair mecha.
Lord Kolekovishin's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 11:36
Lord Kolekovishin
I'm guessing the protagonist in a wheelchair could have psychic powers ala Dr Xavier, or could be piloting a huge wheelchair mecha.

Or even better, piloting a huge wheelchair mecha as well as having psychic powers.
TheNephilym's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 11:37
TheNephilym
I want all of those multi-faith tentacles inside of me. Y'know... like Jesus is.
AlexMorgaen's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 12:12
AlexMorgaen
Needs to be a midget. I mean Dwarf. I mean Dwemer. Oh fuck it
Roberto Plankton's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 12:40
Roberto Plankton
anybody remembers "skippy's revenge" by Bloodlust soft?
it actually got a kid in an armoured wheelchair dismembering punks in it.
Roberto Plankton's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 12:43
Roberto Plankton
you know, Skippy, the kid who got hit by a car in "Toxic Avenger"
Sat's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 13:13
Sat
Multi-faith tentacles. OF COURSE
Chainsawface's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 13:29
Chainsawface
I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS
El Conrado's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 13:31
El Conrado
Jonathan Holmes, Jonathan Holmes!

When did YOU join the cast of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?
Meritocrat's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 13:37
Meritocrat
That book is written in English. I'm offended by your assumption that all videogame protagonists should read only books in English, Sterling.

Keep up the good work.
CH Gorog's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 14:05
CH Gorog
Jonathan Holmes! Jonathan Holmes! Jonathan Holmes!

When did you get a wheelchair leg?!
Freakydemon's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 14:20
Freakydemon
His eyes shout racism.
maycausecancer's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 14:21
maycausecancer
Nintendo should make Waluigi gay.

Ya know, to make him interesting
THEhambugl3r's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 14:21
THEhambugl3r
It needs a mustache to represent all mustachio-Americans. You're a racist
PrinceHeir's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 14:54
PrinceHeir
O____O
PhilK3nS3bb3n's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 15:46
PhilK3nS3bb3n
@Jim Sterling: It didn't ask for this.
Sonintega's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 16:14
Sonintega
I don't know if I'd play the game, but I'd totally watch the tie-in movie so that way I'd have my hands free to weep self-righteous tears into my popcorn, and text people about how moving it is. So moving.

But yes, that would be the equality KRAKEN that you just jumped. Being inclusive's nice, but total homogeny isn't something that should be sought. The point was never to lump all of societies' issues and personality traits into one character. That's why making Drake gay was off: changing what a character is established to be only to propel an argument would cause both Nate and the argument to be hollow. Heck, giving Nate a gay friend in the next game with whom he plays just the tip, just once, just to see how it feels and afterwards decides against it as a personal lifestyle would be much more natural for who he is established to be. At any rate, sending the message to people that it's no longer okay to be JUST straight and white when you can be multi-ethnic and vegan and Buddhist and from Mars and pan-sexual marginalizes straight white people, and straight white people still deserve to be depicted in society, even if it's becoming less cool to be a boring ol cracker. Saltines are delicious, dammit!
flea friend's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/02/2012 16:39
flea friend
If you want a protagonist everyone can identify with, you have to go the other way: instead of giving him defining characteristics, make him extremely bland. Also, you should cover his face so people won't be put off by his looks. And then you give him a generic name. If he's in the military, for example, just give him a name based off his rank, like Master Chief.
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