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Also, cocks! Win a pack of Destructoid condoms! photo

We here at Destructoid are responsible people.

While we love to give away amazingly fun prizes, we also realize that sometimes these rewards aren’t suitable for real-life, emergency situations.

Take this scenario, for example: You are sitting by a crackling fire with your new girlfriend. The two of you are sharing the SNES controller while you play through a dramatic game of Final Fantasy VI (I know, best girlfriend EVER!). Suddenly, the opera scene begins and the tantalizing MIDI tunes start to tickle you in just the right way. Coincidentally, as this is all happening your girlfriend decides to get up and change out of her cactaur pajama pants and into some see-through chocobo lingerie. Oh, God. That copy of Mirror’s Edge you just won off the site won’t help you out in this situation, will it?

Enter (pun intended) the official Destructoid condom.

While I could write a book about how amazing Niero is for even coming up with this idea, I will just say that receiving one of these in the mail last week solidified why I love working here. Other videogame Web sites claim to have their finger on the social pulse of the world, but how many offer a product that, literally, screams: “F*ck you, AIDS. F*ck you!” It doesn’t get more real than that, folks.

Do you want to join the "punch AIDS in the face" movement? Be the 69th commenter and you will win a pack of five of these babies (or baby-preventers, technically). Best prize ever? Just ask your girlfriend.






Contests Official Rules



No Purchase Required to Enter or Win

1. Eligibility: Destructoid.com contests are usually provided by sponsors who, due to customs and shipping costs (yay budgets), often limit participation to individuals who are legal residents of the fifty (50) United States (unless otherwise stated) and are 12 years of age. We encourage our overseas friends to be super sneaky and make a friend in the United States who can receive your prize, and then you two figure out the customs/logistics. Be cautious about who you trust, obviously. Employees of destructoid.com, their advertising or promotion agencies, those involved in the production, development, implementation or handling of Contests, any agents acting for, or on behalf of the above entities, their respective parent companies, officers, directors, subsidiaries, affiliates, licensees, service providers, prize suppliers any other person or entity associated with the Contests (collectively “Contest Entities”) and/or the immediate family (spouse, parents, siblings and children) and household members (whether related or not) of each such employee, are *not* eligible and will be fired and publicly beaten if are caught participating. All U.S., federal, state and local and regulations apply.

2. Agreement to Official Rules: Participation in the Contest constitutes entrant’s full and unconditional agreement to and acceptance of these Official Rules and the decisions of the Sponsor, which are final and binding. Winning a prize is contingent upon fulfilling all requirements set forth herein.

3. Entry Period: The start and end dates/times of each Contest (the “Entry Period”) will be posted on the applicable Contest site.

4. Entry: To enter a Contest, follow the instructions on the Contest site. Submission will result in one (1) entry. The number of times you can enter the Contest will be posted on the applicable Contest site. The use of any agencies or automated software to submit entries will void all entries submitted by that person.

5. Drawing: At the conclusion of the Entry Period, we will select the names of the potential winners in a random drawing of all eligible entries received during each Entry Period. The number of winners to be selected in a specific Contest will be posted on the applicable Contest site. The odds of being selected as a potential winner depend on the number of eligible entries received during the Entry Period. Potential winners will be contacted via email and will be asked to provide their full name, age and mailing address within a specified time period. If a potential winner does not respond within the timeframe stated in the notification email, we may select an alternate potential winner in his/her place at random from all entries received during the Entry Period. Limit one (1) prize per household per Contest.

6. Requirements of the Potential Winners: Winners will be notified by the e-mail address associated with their account on destructoid.com.com and/or receive a Private Message on destructoid.com.com or through a Twitter Direct Message/Facebook message. Winners have five (5) days from the original message alerting them of their winnings to respond and claim their prize. If no winner comes forward within five business days, the prize will be forfeited and raffled again where Destructoid's hardcore fans are most active (forums/community blogs/facebook group).

7. Prize(s): The prize(s) (including each prize’s approximate retail value) available to be won in a specific Contest will be posted on the Contest site. No cash or other substitution may be made, except by the Sponsor, who reserves the right to substitute a prize with another prize of equal or greater value if the prize is not available for any reason as determined by the Sponsor in its sole discretion. The winners are responsible for any taxes and fees associated with receipt or use of a prize. Prizes will be mailed between 1 to 45 business days after winners have replied with their required info.

8. General Conditions: In the event that the operation, security, or administration of the Contest is impaired in any way for any reason, including, but not limited to fraud, virus, or other technical problem, the Sponsor may, in its sole discretion, either: (a) suspend the Contest to address the impairment and then resume the Contest in a manner that best conforms to the spirit of these Official Rules; or (b) award the prizes at random from among the eligible entries received up to the time of the impairment. The Sponsor reserves the right in its sole discretion to disqualify any individual it finds to be tampering with the entry process or the operation of the Contest or to be acting in violation of these Official Rules or in an unsportsmanlike or disruptive manner. Any attempt by any person to undermine the legitimate operation of the Contest may be a violation of criminal and civil law, and, should such an attempt be made, the Sponsor reserves the right to seek damages from any such person to the fullest extent permitted by law. The Sponsor’s failure to enforce any term of these Official Rules shall not constitute a waiver of that provision. In case of a dispute as to the owner of an entry, entry will be deemed to have been submitted by the authorized account holder of the screen name from which the entry is made. The authorized account holder is defined as the natural person who is assigned to an e-mail address by an Internet access provider, online service provider, or other organization responsible for assigning e-mail addresses for the domain associated with the submitted e-mail address.

9.Release and Limitations of Liability: By participating in the Contest, entrants agree to release and hold harmless the Contest Entities from and against any claim or cause of action arising out of participation in the Contest or receipt or use of any prize, including, but not limited to: (a) unauthorized human intervention in the Contest; (b) technical errors related to computers, servers, providers, or telephone or network lines; (c) printing errors; (d) lost, late, postage-due, misdirected, or undeliverable mail; (e) errors in the administration of the Contest or the processing of entries; or (f) injury or damage to persons or property which may be caused, directly or indirectly, in whole or in part, from entrant’s participation in the Contest or receipt of any prize. Entrant further agrees that in any cause of action, the Contest Entities’ liability will be limited to the cost of entering and participating in the Contest, and in no event shall the Contest Entities be liable for attorney’s fees. Entrant waives the right to claim any damages whatsoever, including, but not limited to, punitive, consequential, direct, or indirect damages.

10. Disputes: Except where prohibited, entrant agrees that any and all disputes, claims and causes of action arising out of, or connected with, the Contest or any prize awarded shall be resolved individually, without resort to any form of class action. All issues and questions concerning the construction, validity, interpretation and enforceability of these Official Rules, entrant’s rights and obligations, or the rights and obligations of the Sponsors in connection with the Contest, shall be governed by, and construed in accordance with, the laws of the Commonwealth of Virginia, without giving effect to any choice of law or conflict of law rules (whether of the Commonwealth of Virginia or any other jurisdiction), which would cause the application of the laws of any jurisdiction other than the Commonwealth of Virginia.

11. Contest Results: To enter the contest without needing to buy/sell anything or request a written copy of the name of the winners, send a self-addressed stamped envelope (stating the specific Contest you are requesting the winners for) to destructoid.com Contest Winners 260 King Street Suite 883, San Francisco California 94107. We run many contests, so please be specific in what you are requesting. Winner requests must be received within thirty (30) days from the end date of the applicable contest (they're always posted on our site though). Winners are usually posted the day following the contest on our contest section.

Lastly, Destructoid has the right to kick your ass and take away your prize if you are a total dickhead, so be cool and don't kick any puppies on your way to victory. Have fun with our contests and be a good sport when you win or lose. Remember: First you get the power, then you get the money, then get the baby.

 




More gaming stories around the web. Got news? Submit yours to tips@destructoid.com

Chad Concelmo is Destructoid's features editor. He loves hanging out with awesome people. That's why Destructoid makes him so happy, since it is full of THE MOST AWESOME PEOPLE OF ALL TIME! Also, dolphins. Likes Chad enjoys punching old ladies in the face, Super Metroid, Zelda: A Link to the Past on the SNES (best system ever!), Final Fantasy VI, Day of the Tentacle, Shadow of the Colossus, Mother 3, Beyond Good & Evil, Contra III, Valkyria Chronicles, Punch-Out!!, Half-Life 2, and Super Mario Galaxy 2. Meet the rest of the team



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198 comments | showing # 1 to 50
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next 50 comments

Brian Keljore's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:01
Brian Keljore
This is probably the best contest I will never win.
MrSadistic's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:01
MrSadistic
That's awesome, but I just use a plastic bag.
MEE's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:01
MEE
hahahaha.

better SAFE then sorry.

also, 69 is really far, cant i just win?

love
ME
Takeshi's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:02
Takeshi
Look at my name. I needs them. A lot of them.
Takeshi's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:04
Takeshi
And look at Sadistics comment. I NEED THEM NOW!!!
taterchimp's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:04
taterchimp
Uhh....want?
ceark's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:05
ceark
is that just pack of condoms with a dtoid sticker on it, or will I actuall yhave a robot helmet on my piece? casue taht would be aweosme.
taterchimp's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:05
taterchimp
Just kind of wondering what the inspiration was for those?
taterchimp's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:06
taterchimp
Because theres only a small population of hardcore gamers that...wait...Id best be quiet
craineum's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:06
craineum
Are these things guaranteed to work? Better be careful with the disclaimer ;)
taterchimp's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:07
taterchimp
Its great because it ties in so nicely with the also cocks theme.
PappaDukes's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:07
PappaDukes
When I win, I'm using ALL 5 at once! That's right. ALL 5!
shipero's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:07
shipero
This is great news. I smuggle a lot of cocaine into the country so this is exactly what I need.
taterchimp's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:07
taterchimp
Dont mind me folks...just upping the comment count.
Puppetpallmich's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:08
Puppetpallmich
can it be spam teim now?
bluexy's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:08
bluexy
Bubblegum?
AngelsDontBurn's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:08
AngelsDontBurn
Holy crap this is hilarious.
taterchimp's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:08
taterchimp
Theres some comment lag for me..odd
IceMax's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:08
IceMax
Holy shit, thats hilarious
afalker's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:08
afalker
Free rubbers FTW! And for the fucking!
Cataract's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:09
Cataract
AHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!

This would be perfectif there was a Mr Destructoid on the head. Literally I would start laughing my ass off and wouldn't be able to actually have sex if there was. I think I'd laugh my ass off at the idea of actually using a Dtoid condom on a girl.


But thats not to say I don't want one!
austenw's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:09
austenw
Also cocks. lol
taterchimp's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:09
taterchimp
when i saw this contest, I came. If only I had already won, I wouldnt be having this baby...
Puppetpallmich's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:09
Puppetpallmich
comment
atastysammich's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:09
atastysammich
That's just silly. They should be available for everyone to enjoy on... y'know, wherever you buy the Destructoid T-shirts.
BlindsideDork's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:10
BlindsideDork
I am still not at 69.
digtastik's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:10
digtastik
come on guys. 69 with condoms completely sucks.
AngelsDontBurn's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:10
AngelsDontBurn
How come the condoms can't be green with the robo face?
MEE's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:10
MEE
i just tought about that, why should you have a condom for 69, the only reason to use a condom while 69ing is becasue she's a prostitute, and my daddy always told me to never 69 a prostitue.
taterchimp's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:10
taterchimp
winner has to post pics. pre and post intercourse...maybe even during
Puppetpallmich's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:10
Puppetpallmich
lol wut
taterchimp's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:11
taterchimp
just uppin the count again..nothing witty here
Puppetpallmich's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:11
Puppetpallmich
can i be winner nao
Puppetpallmich's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:11
Puppetpallmich
lol wut
bluexy's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:11
bluexy
I could use a pack of goalies.
Da5StarRMD's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:11
Da5StarRMD
ah yuh...a Destructoid brand of sailor caps...bring them on..
taterchimp's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:11
taterchimp
by the time you read this, I will have already won. Bwa ha ha distraction of text!
PappaDukes's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:11
PappaDukes
I can has condoms!?
Cataract's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:11
Cataract
Best caption ever!
taterchimp's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:11
taterchimp
in all reality ill prolly lose
Puppetpallmich's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:11
Puppetpallmich
spam alot
AngelsDontBurn's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:12
AngelsDontBurn
So does this mean we can look forward to other Dtoid related contraceptives?

Like a set of Dtoid birth control pills? Complete with a opening / closing Dtoid pill case.
MEE's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:12
MEE
lololololol condoms
EternalDeathSlayer's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:12
EternalDeathSlayer
I'll take em....
IceMax's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:12
IceMax
wow, the comments literally doubled in like a minute. BEST CONTEST EVAR!
Cataract's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:12
Cataract
So, you come around here often?
Puppetpallmich's Avatar - Comment posted on 12/08/2008 12:12
Puppetpallmich
fecal matter
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