Quantcast
All aboard the Velvet Express! (hint: it's a sex game) - Destructoid




Game database:   #ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ         ALL     Xbox One     PS4     360     PS3     WiiU     Wii     PC     3DS     DS     PS Vita     PSP     iOS     Android


All aboard the Velvet Express! (hint: it's a sex game)


5:38 PM on 09.08.2008
All aboard the Velvet Express! (hint: it's a sex game) photo



While at the office today, Niero remarked to me "We got a postcard from the Netherlands!" Assuming it was from a faraway Dtoider, we both settled down to have a closer look. It wasn't until we broke the seal that we realized it wasn't a friendly greeting from the land of clogs, but SICK FILTH disguised as a PC game advertisement.

Artmunk, the creators behind the surefire masterpiece The Velvet Express, describe the game as "the next step in virtual erotic entertainment" and claim that realtime physics and countless sexual positions combine to present a rocking gaming experience. Whether or not one handed play has been enabled was not mentioned in the illicit postcard.

Apparently this digital smut takes place in the 1930's on an old-fashioned rail train. For $29.99, you can purchase a copy in the privacy of your own home and avoid the messy embarassment that comes with facing a real cashier. Pretty clever. Of course, the contents of the card itself weren't too shabby, either. Niero wanted to check it out in more detail, but I marched straight out of the office to dispose of it. Made a pit stop at the bathroom, in fact, where I type this report from the sanctity of a private stall. To fap.

All aboard the Velvet Express! (hint: it's a sex game) photo
All aboard the Velvet Express! (hint: it's a sex game) photo
All aboard the Velvet Express! (hint: it's a sex game) photo





Comments not appearing? Anti-virus apps like Avast or some browser extensions can cause this.
Easy fix: Add   [*].disqus.com   to your software's white list. Tada! Happy comments time again.

Did you know? You can now get daily or weekly email notifications when humans reply to your comments.






PC

9:00 PM on 10.24.2014
Review: Dreamfall Chapters Book One

It wasn't surprising to hear that the long-awaited Dreamfall Chapters would be split into separate episodes -- it's in the name, really. Episodic adventure games are well established now, so in my mind, separating a new Dream...more



6:00 PM on 10.24.2014
Life is beautiful: Deadly Premonition for PC discounted to $2.49

Word has gotten out about Swery65's cult classic Deadly Premonition in the years since Jim Sterling's memorable review, but there are many people who wrote it off or otherwise missed out. This might help. Rising Star Games ha...more



5:30 PM on 10.24.2014
More Slugcat gifs? More Slugcat gifs

What's that? You didn't get enough Rain World gifs this week? What's that? Timmy is trapped in a well, rehabbing from that awkward back spasm in mop up? What's that? Old Man Tim is going to be lights out tonight in his s...more



View all PC






Back to Top




All content is yours to recycle through our Creative Commons License permitting non-commercial sharing requiring attribution. Our communities are obsessed with videoGames, movies, anime, and toys.

Living the dream since March 16, 2006

Advertising on destructoid is available: Please contact them to learn more