While at the office today, Niero remarked to me "We got a postcard from the Netherlands!" Assuming it was from a faraway Dtoider, we both settled down to have a closer look. It wasn't until we broke the seal that we realized it wasn't a friendly greeting from the land of clogs, but SICK FILTH disguised as a PC game advertisement.
Artmunk, the creators behind the surefire masterpiece The Velvet Express, describe the game as "the next step in virtual erotic entertainment" and claim that realtime physics and countless sexual positions combine to present a rocking gaming experience. Whether or not one handed play has been enabled was not mentioned in the illicit postcard.
Apparently this digital smut takes place in the 1930's on an old-fashioned rail train. For $29.99, you can purchase a copy in the privacy of your own home and avoid the messy embarassment that comes with facing a real cashier. Pretty clever. Of course, the contents of the card itself weren't too shabby, either. Niero wanted to check it out in more detail, but I marched straight out of the office to dispose of it. Made a pit stop at the bathroom, in fact, where I type this report from the sanctity of a private stall. To fap.
LAUNCH GALLERY (3 IMAGES)
| BBcode help |
| [b]Bold text[/b] |
Bold text |
| [i]Italic text[/i] |
Italic text |
| [url]http://www.dtoid.com/[/url] |
http://www.dtoid.com |
| [url=http://www.dtoid.com/]Web link[/url] |
Web link |
|
| [img]http://www.example.com/robot.jpg[/img] |
 |
Post a comment! You can also post a photo below:
Comment with Facebook
Click connect and comment instantly!
|
Comment with Dtoid
New? SIGN UP - it takes 5 seconds
|
36 comments | showing # 1 to 36
|
Comment with Facebook
Click connect and comment instantly!
|
Comment with Dtoid
New? SIGN UP - it takes 5 seconds
|
Comments policy
Destructoid is an open discussion community. You don't need to "audition" to post a comment - just speak your mind. We respect differing opinions on the site, so have at it. Be smart, funny, insightful, clueless, or cute -- but back it up with substance. Keep your cool, keep it fun. We only ask that you act respectfully and above all: don't be a troll and ruin it for everyone else. Don't bring down gamers or we'll, you know, gently shoot you in the face and stuff you into a flaming mailbox. Each comment is your opportuntity to make this community awesomer. Is that even a word?
Avoiding the banhammer only requires common sense: spamming, trolling, racism, NSFW stuff, and other forms of sucking will not be tolerated. If anyone is griefing please report abuse. Be good. Don't suck!
Contest:
5:38 PM on 09.08.2008
| 
*runs and cries*
You pretty much sold it to me and I have NO idea what this game is event about, besides someone who has a gruge against pimps as they seem the most likely to don this so called Velvet material.
fucking win! now my erotic novels and finally be played out on a game!
grabs his Debit card*
A Wii port would be awesome! Imagine all the waggling you would do.
pics plz, preferably UNCUT
Fap, Fap.
Fap!
REVIEW IT, NAO!!! Lotz o pics pl0x.
People need to make more quality games like these. I'm so down for Love-opoly.
There will be muff fur everywhere!!!
The penis is evil. The penis shoots seeds, and makes new life, and poisons the earth with a plague of men, as once it was. But the gun shoots death, and purifies the earth of the filth of brutals. Go forth and kill!
I'm down.
I C WUT U DID THAR!