*All aboard the Velvet Express! (hint: it's a sex game)
[ x ] remove ads and scale site to 1080p+
[ x ] remove the ads & get mobile premium
pay whatever you want to upgrade
 
 

All aboard the Velvet Express! (hint: it's a sex game)

5:38 PM on 09.08.2008  ·  Colette Bennett
0

While at the office today, Niero remarked to me "We got a postcard from the Netherlands!" Assuming it was from a faraway Dtoider, we both settled down to have a closer look. It wasn't until we broke the seal that we realized it wasn't a friendly greeting from the land of clogs, but SICK FILTH disguised as a PC game advertisement.

Artmunk, the creators behind the surefire masterpiece The Velvet Express, describe the game as "the next step in virtual erotic entertainment" and claim that realtime physics and countless sexual positions combine to present a rocking gaming experience. Whether or not one handed play has been enabled was not mentioned in the illicit postcard.

Apparently this digital smut takes place in the 1930's on an old-fashioned rail train. For $29.99, you can purchase a copy in the privacy of your own home and avoid the messy embarassment that comes with facing a real cashier. Pretty clever. Of course, the contents of the card itself weren't too shabby, either. Niero wanted to check it out in more detail, but I marched straight out of the office to dispose of it. Made a pit stop at the bathroom, in fact, where I type this report from the sanctity of a private stall. To fap.

 

Photo Gallery

Tip: You can swipe photos or use your arrow keys


 

Enlighten an uninformed cougar: FacebookTwitterRedditEmail
 

#PC #Sex #WUT
 
 
 
[x] advertisement
 
 


Colette Bennett // Profile & Disclosures
Fronts2026Blogs 44Following68Followers601

Go check out Destructoid's collectible toy culture blog, which I proudly run: Here is a list of things you should know about me: I'm a female game/toy blogger living in New Orleans. The NES ... more
Trending on Destructoid:

 
 


Join the robot army! We're a family-owned site, updating multiple times a day (since 2006!) thanks to our Huge Members

Chack
Chack


Since 1:07 PM on 05.13.2008

User Avatar
zOmgMii


Since 10:29 PM on 02.25.2016

Daniel Rafferty
Daniel Rafferty


Since 8:24 AM on 07.22.2011

EricArrache
EricArrache


Since 3:31 PM on 03.24.2011

 

Please login (or) make a quick account (free)
to view and post comments.





Three day old threads are only visible to verified humans - this helps our small community management team stay on top of spam

Sorry for the extra step!