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All aboard the Velvet Express! (hint: it's a sex game)

5:38 PM on 09.08.2008 // Colette Bennett

While at the office today, Niero remarked to me "We got a postcard from the Netherlands!" Assuming it was from a faraway Dtoider, we both settled down to have a closer look. It wasn't until we broke the seal that we realized it wasn't a friendly greeting from the land of clogs, but SICK FILTH disguised as a PC game advertisement.

Artmunk, the creators behind the surefire masterpiece The Velvet Express, describe the game as "the next step in virtual erotic entertainment" and claim that realtime physics and countless sexual positions combine to present a rocking gaming experience. Whether or not one handed play has been enabled was not mentioned in the illicit postcard.

Apparently this digital smut takes place in the 1930's on an old-fashioned rail train. For $29.99, you can purchase a copy in the privacy of your own home and avoid the messy embarassment that comes with facing a real cashier. Pretty clever. Of course, the contents of the card itself weren't too shabby, either. Niero wanted to check it out in more detail, but I marched straight out of the office to dispose of it. Made a pit stop at the bathroom, in fact, where I type this report from the sanctity of a private stall. To fap.

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