Porn is great for many reasons, but infinitely better than the sexiest all-star cast ever is parody porn, which is so painfully ridiculous that it renders it useless for mastubatory purposes but makes up for it with belly laughs (think Edward Penishands). You may or may not have gotten a giggle out of Whores of Warcraft, the WoW porn parody, but if you were a fan, there's something new waiting for your caresses.
The newest theme in the WhoreLore series is titled Rage of Bonan and spoofs Age of Conan with some slight differences (the former allows you to actually hammer the chick you rescue, while the latter does not.) It seems obvious which would be the most appealing option to the general consumer, but all I can say is, if you can't holler a battle cry while plunging your mighty sword into the mysterious cave of yore, you aren't really living.
[ Via Wired -- Thanks, Justin]
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Contest:
1:23 PM on 05.26.2008
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PROTIP: the above is not an effective pick up line. Trust me.
Bonan was still rattled from his recent betryal at the hands of Cumbatha, and seemed ill at ease. "Ssssh, relax first, my Bonan", Colette spoke softly. "Let me take away the stress of a decade of battle on the bloodstained fields of Farsquirthia".
At the mention of these words, Bonan recalled the seemingly endless battles on those fields. The fleshly rain of a thousand maidens was enough to drive any man mad, let alone Bonan. In any other circumstance he would have resisted the temptations of that day, but as it came to pass, he had just devoured a Trousersnake who filled his testosterone bar to maximum for an hour.
Fueled by hormones and one hour of infinite stamina, he had cut through the enemy armies just as he had dishonored the Slave army of the evil Queen Sybian: with cock and balls. With his faithful weapons Buk-Akxe and Hehn-Thay, he claimed victory over every battle up to this point.
"You are drifting away to vile memories, love", Colette whispered to Bonan as she slowly moved her hands from massaging his manly shoulders to his chest. Softly fondling his moobs, she yipped like a chocobo in heat as she saw that Bonan's moobs could actually lactate! Out of the moobly nipples, a sweet ambrosia spilled over the boundary where flesh meets air. But what was this? One stream of the sticky liquid spilled into the air itself and took a form... the form of a Chadian dolphin!
"What madness is this?", she thought to herself. For some reason, the dolphin was graced by the perpetual smile of a teenage boy who just finished his first night at the Bi-whorian capital's Temple of 69 Pleasures.
Even stranger, another stream formed the striking image of a mechanical shark. For some odd reason, it sang to Colette to suck his dick. Beastmastery had become a primary skill for her after spending her youthful years of desire at the Cockobo farm. It was there that she learned the secret rituals of riding the black Cockobo. It was true what they had said: the black one was better than the gold one.
Ok I guess I'll stop now.
BONAN! WARRIOR WITHOUT FEAR!
Also, this is a prime example as to why I find most porn more hilarious than sexy in any way, shape, or form. I'd be way too busy laughing to maintain an erection.
Also, Evan Stone is the greatest thespian of our time.
Seriously, Bonan. Best title ever.
To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to have porn based on your MMORPG.