It appears as though the big holiday rush of AAA titles has finally come to a close. As a result, not many unreleased titles have Achievements or Trophies listed for them. That won’t stop Achievement Unlocked. This week we’ll look at a few newer titles, an unreleased title, and a golden oldie.
Last week, reader Slique made me laugh the hardest with his choice of Achievement for Prince of Persia.
You’ll Go Blind (50)
Successfully completed a playthrough without rotating the camera to zoom in on Elika’s (totally subtle) breasts.
He then added that he doubts the he will “ever be able to achieve it.” For the record Slique, I have been doing a good job progressing without fooling around with the camera. My attention has always been the intelligent and earnest discourse between Elika and the protagonist. Not breasts or those low-rise pants that so delicately wrap around her hips.
Hit the break for a few more honorable mentions by readers who participated last week. Also, get ready for some fake Achievements or Trophies details from Rise of the Argonauts, Dead Space, Fable II, Fallout 3, and Perfect Dark Zero.
First, some more honorable mentions from last week.
Reader booshmee tickled my funny spot, but only because I’m not a female nor sensitive to their condition. Check out this Achievement for Left 4 Dead:
Red Mist
Play Zoey during that annoying time of the month.
Reader
onomelon knows why we pre-order games like
Lord of the Rings: Conquest at Gamestop:
Staby staby (15)
Pre-order and buy the game just for the mini-sword at GameStop
And finally, reader
Chewpathingy lists an unbelievably long (and satisfying) Achievement for
X-Blades:
Unbelievable Metabolism
Consume over 6 bags of Doritos, 24 Slim Jims and 8 cans of Mountain Dew. Play the game for 5 hours without having to pause for a "break". Sponsored by Slim Jim, Mountain Dew, Doritos's and the National Committee for Regular Bowel Movements.
And now on to our reguarly scheduled
Achievement Unlocked.
Rise of the Argonauts is a dream come true. My field of interest as a historian is ancient western civilizations. Before embracing the call to write about videogames professionally, I often wondered what it would be like to roll around in ancient Greece. Rise seems like it’ll give me that opportunity, even if the game is completely focused on mythology. That said, there isn’t a ton of information about the game out there despite its impending release. What we do know is that you control Jason. And he kills things. Also, there’s this weird Achievement:
Nutcracker (10)
Zeus got your girl? Give it to him where it hurts.
Dead Space is old by blogging standards, but I still find myself actively playing the game. In my mind, it is the perfect mix between horror, action, and gore. I especially enjoy the gore part. Any game willing to award Trophies according to the amount of dismemberments conducted is a great game. Despite my practice at shooting monsters, I still find myself experiencing moments of adrenaline-pumping “Oh my god, I can’t kill this before it eats my face.” Perhaps I’ll earn this Trophy soon enough:
Crackshot (Bronze Trophy)
Shoot the ceiling, floor, and environmental objects less than 40 times when surprised by a monster.
Fable II makes me feel like a terrible person. My character often travels through cities mindlessly slaughtering and farting. I’ve found farting to be a very useful tool in interpersonal relations -- mainly because it subdues hearts above my admirers’ heads. My guy is a bit of a stud, despite the horns, but he hasn’t the time for love. There are too many things to kill.
The Pied Piper (10)
Get 20 people to follow you simultaneously ... all the way to Skorm.
Fallout 3 is scary in an Atomic Café kind of way. Luckily, not everything is so bleak in the Capital Wasteland. Yesterday, I met a man quite high on life. He offered me some drugs inside of the waterworks in Megaton. Unfortunately for him (and his family) I blew up the city. That'll teach him.
Yes, I Play with Dolls (10)
Successfully create a pyramid of dead bodies. Go, physics!
Perfect Dark Zero was one of those games you really wanted to like. You stood in line or pre-ordered your Xbox 360 a year in advance just to get a shot at Microsoft’s early next-generation platform. Because Oblivion and Alan Wake were delayed out of short-term existence, you were forced to try out Rare’s FPS offering. Whoops.
1,000 Explosive Kills (30)
Wow.
[Note: Now it’s your turn. Take these games and make your own Achievements or Trophies. I use real headers, but fake the description. You could do either if you want. Have fun and be creative. Next week I’ll grab the best and feature them as well.]
[via Xbox360Achievements and PS3Trophies]
Contest:
11:23 AM on 12.14.2008
| 
Dismember four enemies in sixty seconds and get killed by the enemy behind you instead.
Yes, I Play with Dolls(10)
Host your very own tea party with the bodies of The Overseer, Colin Moriarty, Sheriff Simms, and Mr. Tenpenny.
Launch the pants cannon.
Die shamefully by an attack to your nether regions. Wish togas had cups.
Hire a prostitute to give you oral sex.
Successfully made 1,000 enemies JIZZ IN THEIR PANTS.
Hire a prostitute to engage in oral sex.[/b]
;)
Performed speed run of Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy in under two minutes on expert.
Save the game before drinking the transgender potion only to realize it autosaves right after.
Anyone that argues differently is "an idiot" as opposed to "a idiot."
Vowel = an
Consonant = a
h = consonant = a
Just a pet peeve.
Dismember all the genitalia of every enemy in the game.
Find and use the super-stimpack
Hahahaha!
Find out how many wolves have to die.
Relax, girlfriend.
Realize that the plasma cutter is the best weapon in the game without testing the others first.
In Fallout 3, beat the entire game using only a pistol, never touching any other weapon, you maniac you.
(Note: I was inspired to create this by a friend of mine who beat Mass Effect several times in a row using only pistols...WTF was he thinking?!?)
Become legally blind as a direct result of the ridiculous amount of light reflecting off of objects in this game.
Goad "an" internet writer into a snarky retort by posting a ridiculously nit-picky comment to said writer's article.
:D
Slap in the Face(-50):
Come to realize that this game just took a giant shit on you and your 60 bucks.
Ow You're Hurting Me (50 points):
Seduce the Minotaur.
Kill 10 Necros with a shot straight into their butt cracks, that is if you can find it.
Nutcracker
Kill the giant by focusing all of your attacks on his baby factory.
The Exploder (10)
Make 30 enemies explode into body parts by shooting their leg with a handgun.
Insult the intelligence of Brad Nicholson with the hope it will earn you a spot in Destructoid as his replacement in the near future.
Streetcar "Brad" Nicholson (10)
Prematurely end Brad Nicholson's career and reduce him to a hard life living on the streets.
Devolution (5)
Successfully make your character look like a monkey.
For Dead Space:
You Scream Like A Ninny (10)
Play with the lights off for longer than a half hour.
For Fable 2:
Between a Rock and a Hard Place (5)
Get trapped between a villager and a fence with no way out.
Going Postal (15)
Turn off safety mode and kill a villager because they are blocking the only exit.
For Perfect Dark Zero:
Taking It Way Too Literally (0)
Arguing that the title is perfect for the game because there are no perfect dark areas anywhere.
I'll be back... (50)
Just before completing the game, spend at least 6 hours doing the side quests you thought you'd be able to go back and do after the main story ended
Dead On Arrival
Get the Red Ring of Death after having just bought the game.
Lab Rat
Acquire the fully powered Aperture Science Handheld Portal Devi... oh wait, wrong game.
Story Teller
Read Tim Rogers' review of Dead Space.
Fable II
The Archaeologist
Browse through the first Fable's source code and find 100 unfinished or unimplemented features.
The Black Knight
Finish the game missing several limbs.
The Bibliophile
Do naughty things to those sexy bundles of paper and ink.
Actually, depending on where a person grew up, the h may or may not be pronounced.
For instance, my pastor always pronounces the word "humble" as "umble"... annoys me to no end, but either way is a correct way to say it...
So in this case, it may be used either way, but I agree... dropping the h is a troublesome use of verbiage!!!
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PDZ:
1,000 Explosive Kills (5)
You actually played the game long enough to amass 1,000 kills period. The fact that you did it with explosives is an equally astounding feat. Enjoy this equally astounding amount of GamerPoints!
Ménage à trois -- Or, Three's a Crowd (69)
Successfully knock up your female hosts wife when you enter their game as a male guest. You devil, you!
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Inspired by an actual in-game occurrence involving my friend and his female host's wife. He entered the game, she and her spouse got it on while he was in the room, and voila, baby was born.
He laughed as she called him a dirty whore. Also, she contracted an STD after this event, so yes, it seems my friend's guest character is in fact a whore.