You're looking at a screenshot of my very own neighborhood in Spanish Harlem, New York City. This is "La Calle 116," and it's hoppin' in the summer. This time of year, the streets become so crowded that a fifteen-minute trip to the grocery store stretches to half an hour, owing to the crowds one has to wade through. The music is loud, the police are everywhere, and there's inevitably (further up in Harlem, usually) some kind of violence. Generally, my little ghetto is surprisingly safe, relative to other let's-call-them "low-income urban" city areas, but the more people you cram into one place, the more likely it is that crime will occur there.
In other words, it's a GTA summer in the big city. Rap music, crappy cars -- play San Andreas or something for a few hours and then step outside, and you've almost got a case for those stupid, suspension-of-reality "I thought GTA was real" crime cases.
Lifelike and freeform -- GTA's got everything you need for self-directed, often accidental cinematic moments. I'll explain what I mean (and share an example) right after the jump!
I think GTA IV gets a real bum rap in the media. Sure, there's Hot Coffee; OK, we get that. But revisiting the game this weekend, I also realized it's a story of filial devotion with a strong anti-drug message. The "sandbox" genre in general has enormous potential for all-out delightful happy accidents in moments of cinema so pure they'd be comfortable on the big screen; maybe you find Tommy Vercetti standing on a bridge at sunset, exactly at a plot point where it'd make sense for him to ponder his fate. Or ol' CJ returns to Ganton to find his beloved BMX is still right in his Moms's garage where he left it. Keepin' it real.
In honor of the great big ghetto party here in El Barrio, I thought I'd share one of my all-time favorite GTA cinematic moments. It happened in Vice City, when, bored and embittered, I took Tommy V for a drive through one of the city's seedier areas. Feeling the pull of conflicting allegiances, concerned about the rising costs of property ownership, and, of course, the looming threat of death or arrest as ever over my head, I decided Tommy just needed a good lay. I found a prostitute, pulled over, and summoned her with the sound of my horn.
With her in my passenger seat, I cruised around looking for someplace more private. As I rolled into the area of the cargo docks, where there were few but freight workers and the pier structure might provide some decent privacy, the strains of Foreigner began to make their way onto my radio. I've been waiting for a girl like you to come into my life. It grew dark as I at last found the right spot, pulling over down beside the water where nobody would see us; listening to the haunting strains of the romantic music, the car began to rock softly side to side.
Maybe I'm wrong, won't you tell me if I'm coming on too strong
This heart of mine has been hurt before, this time I wanna be sure
I'm not sure what happened next. Maybe there was an argument over money. Maybe the bitch tried to shank me. Make up your own story for exactly what went down between us in that car that night. Whatever the reason, next thing I know, she's tearing out of my car like a bat out of hell, screaming, and running blindly for the pier.
Baby, don't be like that. Come back here; I'm still talking to you.
Now I know it's right, from the moment I wake up till deep in the night
There's nowhere on earth that I'd rather be than holding you tenderly
As I bust out my chain saw, a steady rain begins to fall.
I chased that girl all over that part of town, her screams sometimes rising in volume enough to break through the ominous humming of my chain saw in the rain. Now, she's getting close to the end of the dock; if she jumps into the water, I can't pursue her. This is GTA III, and Tommy can't swim. But fortunately for me -- not so much for her -- I catch up. I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry I have to do this, but I chainsaw her to death. Nobody saw me. Not so much as one star.
I make my way back to the car, trailing the scent of ocean water and the odd rust of blood; they're still playing our song as I pull away from the fateful docks and drive off into the rain-hazed neon night of Vice City.
I've been waiting for a girl like you to come into my life
I've been waiting for a girl like you, your loving will survive
Shame. Even if only for a minute, I loved that girl.
So what about you guys? Chances are you've had an epic moment of cinematic proportions -- accidentally -- while playing a GTA game. Or any other game, for that matter. What are your best "accidental cinema" memories?
By the way, the header image is courtesy of the awesome-in-a-scary way Google Street View-- now everyone can make (badly) Photoshopped GTA screenshots of their home stomping grounds.
Contest:
11:15 AM on 06.21.2007 | 
i'd imagine that to be like tiki barber spending his weekends playing madden.
*golf claps*
Nice work.
Again.
"There's a rose in Spanish Harlem"
I might have gotten that wrong, it might be
"I see a rose in Spanish Harlem"
but you get the point. you're a rose. That was my point, rose....... in Spanish Harlem" I'll go away now.
my friend used to live on 111. i was up there a handful of times, thats enuf for me. i too am tiny and light skinned. but i'll be damned if mr crack doesn't have the sweetest ride in town. any harlemites ever see this beauty in person?
Keys to the city mode in Crackdown.
A friend and I were ontop of the Agency Tower, loaded with explosive barrels, of course...
So, the idea was to recreate your generic action-buddy cop movie scene where you leap off of a roof building as it explodes, as seen in every Die Hard and Lethal Weapon movie.
My friend and I threw down some satchel grenades and took our position. We waited till night fall, as is derigeur. Once it was truly night, we swung the cameras around to face the explosion and did a 2 count jump with a 3 count detonation.
We also embelished by simultaneously screaming "JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPP!" and "RUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNN!" while diving over the edge. As it was from my perspective, I was watching the explosion in my freefall, unable to cast an eye downward as to where I would land, so when my body made contact with the earth again, there was much pain and anguish. My friend, unconcerned with watching the explosion, landed safely in the agency pool below.
Good times, good times.
/wipes away tear
On Saints Row, for a good 2 hours I ran around a small area repeatedly finding the fat black woman in the cowskin dress just so I could beat her up.
And every time I got her I would kick her and kick her and kick her to the point where I stopped enjoying it. I just new: I had to keep kicking her. I think I liked to think that maybe she was Oprah Winfrey or something...I don't even hate Oprah! God knows! I suppose theres not much else to do in that shitting game when you're stuck on a mission...
But man, I am now almost wanting to rebuy that game just to do it again...you stupid fat bitch! pull a knife on me will ya?!
And then there's just a few birds flying around. Just right against the weird afternoon orangish sky. Call me a sap for parlor tricks, but that was kinda deep for me.
I mean, its good to remember that before GTAIII there wasn't really day/night cycle, ambient wildlife, and full freeroam, barely instanced cityscapes like that. Just knda a "whoa" moment.
And you better believe I was listening to "In the Air Tonight" by Phil Collins.
I was driving across town and hit the highway. I spied a gang controlled vehicle and decided to run it down. In the process i managed to piss off not only two gangs, but also the coppers.
After being chased, shunted and shot at, i think "fuck this" and i park my car across both lanes. I kept stealing cars and parking them across the lanes on both sides of the bridge i was on and decided to go postal on anyone approaching my barricade.
I stood up there on the arches until i had nothing left in my arsenal, at which point i threw cars and vehicle parts at anyhing passing.
When the coppers turned up en masse to take me down i dived off the bridge into the water to swim to freedom in Mexico.
Ofcourse, Mexico doesn't exist in this game so i settled for the Intellicenter Supply Point.
Such is (gaming) life.
Joe Burling found this awesome glitch that allows you to launch cars across the map by throwing a ramp truck onto another car (containing the second player -- in this case, me). We had a hell of a good time messing around with that. Who knew the ocean in crackdown was so fucking large?
it's good to no that great sadists think alike :) Do you also torture wasps after you swat them by forcefeeding them their wn stinger "just to show them a lesson"? Cos that would be uncanny!
Retelling past matches is almost as much fun as actually playing.
I just spray mace in my eyes, but hey, if virtual onions does it for you, then yay.
Speaking of onions, this is just about as bad as the Three's Company theme.
damn I hope they put Grants Tomb in this game. along with all those fucking raccoons in that area haha
what made this great was the fack he was in 5.1 and heard my footsteps surrounding him in the vents and then sometimes on the ceiling, i would often wait and move slowly and then hiss and dart in and out for a quick hit...
then the end came, we were both nearly dead and i leaped into the room slashing at the last light source on the ceiling, pitch black im hissing and screaming hes launching a hellfire of munitions.. the only light was from his rounds and our blood on the walls...
in the end it was a napalm grenade killing us both while we were screaming WHHHHHHHY WOOOOONTTTT YOOOOOOOOOOOOUUU DIIIIIIIIIIEEEE!!!!
we had a fun hack where we played co-op though the game as 2 preds and we team hunted everything on the hardest difficulty.. good good GOOD times there... the music, the stalking... i miss thouse days!
120th and 3rd...
I feel this post
Rev Anthony is this guy who hates Twilight Princess, I'm not sure what else he's done.
and Vice City. Best GTA game evah!
One time on the original Halo, I was playing with two of my buddies on the snow level. I started sniping my friend who just picked up a rocket launcher and in a panic, blindly shot off a rocket. Well I killed him as soon as the rocket was shot off. I started going after my other friend when the next thing we hear was "SUICIDE!" My buddy who I just sniped respawned and got hit with his own rocket. It was beautiful.
I don't have any cinematic moments to share...Except that in Saints row demo, There's this explosive barrel on the side of the road, and I always go for it. It is awesome seeing the car on fire and flying...until it blows up or I land on the water.
TES4: Oblivion(PC version) is another game that got me some good cinematic moments. I had just finished the Knights of the Nine questline([b]KOTN spoiler warning NOW[/b}) with my custom companion I modeled the face off a RL friend of mine. The final battle in that quest line cuts the player off from the others though. Anyhow warped back to the priory basement after the fight, I head outside to be greeted by the fellow knights, and afterwards, turn around to see my friend standing there, awaiting further adventures.
Ahh, good times, good times...
like finding yourself in a deathmatch with 8 people. i ran into a big wearhouse (sp?) like room with a big generator close to the middle. i heard gunfire and discovered that two enemies were quickly decimating eachother. i finished those two off with ease as they were low on health from the damage taken by one another. i am reloading my 30 round clip (which goes out really really quickly) when another baddy pops up in front of me, fully charged and ready to go. i hop around, dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge until my ammo is fully secure, and unload. i came out of the battle victorious and reloading again, grabbing his health booster (which replenished 40 health to put me at 80 out of 100). then i hear foot steps, and a split second later shooting from behind. as i dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge again, i regain control and shoot him down. as i reload once more and head towards his heal booster, another sneaky bastard pops up behind me, taking me out with no problems due to my low health. such is life in F.E.A.R.
It was definitely funnier at the time.