It’s been several days since I completed Halo 3’s co-op campaign. Reviews by other writers say that this was the least successful part of the game, and that multiplayer is where the thing really shines. But honestly, it’s hard to understand anything over the smacking, slurping sounds of Bungie’s scrotum being gently suckled by an entire generation of reviewers. Halo 3 is persistently scoring in the 9 to 10 range.
Hit to jump to join me in my misery.
One thing for which I am grateful to Halo 3: putting the recent spate of excellent games back into perspective. I enjoy and appreciate Portal, Gears of War, TF2, Halflife 2, and Bioshock far more, now that I’ve been so thoroughly disappointed. Having to pay $70 just for perspective? Irritating.
Baffled by my hatred of a game everyone else seemed to love, I asked around: what it is that you adore about Halo 3? What am I missing? After playing everything else up to this point, how can you seriously compare it to its peers, and not find it seriously wanting?
The response, as usual, was that Halo 3 was “just stupid fun”, and that it was purely entertaining, with no pretensions to intellectualism or art. This, they said, made the game “good”.
I’ve been a gamer all my life. You’d think, by now, I’d have learned to ignore hype, to receive games on their own terms with calm and dignity. But I am unable to accept that mediocrity is a desirable trait in any work of media. When did “stupid” become a valuable quality? Why is Halo 3 praised for its blandness, when Bioshock is only nervously lip serviced for its brilliance?
Please tell me, so I can stop weeping.
Eliza Gauger is a gurgling behemoth kept on display at Sea World. Her tank water has to be drained twice a week, as her gills quickly become clogged with her own filth. Previously, she wrote for Kotaku.
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