One of the best things about this generation of videogames is the sheer diversity of what's around. Tried and tested genres are evolving and mutating under the influence of next gen technology. Indie developers are making a comeback and bringing with them all kinds of delicious left field malarkey. The Wii and DS are allowing the creation of whole new genres and attitudes towards playing games, and the entire industry is at the point of bursting out in all kinds of new directions like a bucket-load of fungus spores.
There are games for everyone to enjoy, and every kind of gamer can personalize their collection to suit their own tastes, lifestyle and approach to gaming. Of course, not everyone's going to like everything, but given how wide the spectrum of gaming is nowadays, there's more than enough potential for us all to be able to enjoy something in almost anyone else's library.
There are still however, some game collections which no-one but the owner can enjoy, and with very, very good reason. Read on to find out just what that reason is.
#13 - The Tragically Unfortunate Gamer
The workings of the universe are a mystery to us. After millenia of attempts to understand them through science, religion and plain old hard drug use, mankind is still bereft of a manual and continues to find itself desperately jamming the buttons at random in order to crack the code (and this is one of those frustrating rare cases in which up, up, down, down left, right, left, right, B, A does not apply).
If he has any inkling of how much crap he owns, the chances are he's heavily in denial and will defend the feet upon feet of steaming pustulant dog cock on his shelves with vaguely worded proclamations to the non-believers about having to take the time "to really get it". He'll be happy to do this, and given the fact that everything he owns contains an equally herpes-like level of fun he'll get away with it too. With nothing better to compare it with, he'll adjust his standards of fulfilment, downgrading his definition of entertainment just like a man who's lived in a ditch since birth will tell you that mud's a perfectly good substitute for furniture.
While it's unlikely that he often reads the gaming press, on the occasions that he does, he knows exactly where to go. It's the official magazines every time, because let's face it, if you're official, you've got to know what's going on. Just who do these independents think they are anyway? Ye gods, some of them even boast about their outcast status, as if being shunned from the embrace of the CEO were a good thing. They only give games bad ratings because they're jealous of the official magazines. It's obvious. Just look at how happy and full of sunlight those guys' scores are by comparison. And if after all that he's still unsure of which piece of disc-shaped orgasm in a box he's going to pick up, well, there's always the box art to help. Oh, and the graphics too.
The weird thing is though, you'd assume that simply by the law of averages he'd have to have bought something good by accident at some point. But no. This guy's karma leads you to believe he made a career out of bare-knuckle puppy fighting in a past life. And perhaps he did.
In the words of Niero, gaming at this guy's house is like pulling teeth. The horror will start slowly of course. You'll spot one or two bad games on his shelf and think nothing of it. After all, we all drop our credit card on a clunker occasionally through bad information or a blip in quality from a usually reliable developer (A pox on your house, Timesplitters: Future Perfect!). Your eyes will then skim along to the next game in the row. Also crap. Oh well, the reviews weren't all bad.
But then you'll look to the next, and the next, and the next, and you'll rapidly develop that trapped, sinking feeling you last had at the school dance when you realized that all the hot girls were taken and the big fat cross-eyed chick was drunk and heading your way. But unlike back then, you won't be able to throw a chair at his head and run for your life. The games he plays may be less fun than sticking live cockroaches behind your eyeballs, but there's so much more out there that he doesn't know about. He loves gaming and there's so much he could get out of it, and you could help him... You could make his life so much better if you'll just persevere with him...
Chapter 1 - Back-Seat Gamers and Closet Gamers
Chapter 2 - Chav Gamers
Chapter 3 - Fluffy Gamers and PC Snobs
Chapter 4 - Technical Gamers and Japanophiles
Chapter 5 - Aggressive Gamers and Ghosts
Chapter 6 - The One Game Gamer
Chapter 7 - The Collecting Gamer
Chapter 8 - The Defeatist Gamer