Quantcast



When I played through Portal I found the turrets were easily my favorite characters in the game. Valve gave them a fantastic amount of personality and in spite of how incredibly creepy it was to hear them asking after me I almost felt bad killing them.  Almost.  

Now that this video shows me the daily ins and outs of a turret's life I'm starting to feel those twinges of guilt again.  These guys are just like me (although with less feathers and no modular bedding); working day in and day out, trading questionably witty quips, and dealing with that mouthy jerk everyone hates.  And I just rolled through and wrecked their life.

This is probably the funniest Portal parody I've seen yet. Commence painfully unfunny repetitive quoting in 3, 2, 1....








More gaming stories around the web. Got news? Submit yours to tips@destructoid.com



Post a comment! You can also post a photo below:

Comment with Facebook





Click connect and comment instantly!

Comment with Dtoid





New? SIGN UP - it takes 5 seconds

81 comments | showing # 1 to 50
prev
next 50 comments

Hamza CTZ Aziz's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 14:27
Hamza CTZ Aziz
"Call her a bitch"
ROFL
BlackDove's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 14:28
BlackDove
The reason the turrets were awesome was because of their childlike voices and innocence.

So... no.
zealot9802's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 14:33
zealot9802
SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
xMalachi's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 14:34
xMalachi
Balls!

I Wonder if there will be cake
pancakes mcgee's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 14:35
pancakes mcgee
are they still on that damn island? haha. genius.
Eschatos's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 14:37
Eschatos
Best and only Portal machinima so far!
Cowzilla3's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 14:39
Cowzilla3
I lost it when they started humming with each other.
MisterMingo's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 14:39
MisterMingo
They screwed up the voices. They're supposed to be cute and childlike. That's why they were my favorite part of the game.

And the companion cube shouldn't talk, for this very reason.

Ah well, the LOST part made me laugh.
CaffeinePowered's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 14:41
CaffeinePowered
See you in hell cube
AngelsDontBurn's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 14:43
AngelsDontBurn
Lol, so good.

@MisterMingo: Yes, welcome to the world of parody. Where comedy and entertainment are the only things that matter.

I always thought the turrents were awesome. Highlight of my day so far.
njsykora's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 14:44
njsykora
I lol'd when they started humming Still Alive. I signed when they resorted to the cake line though.

OWNED BITCHES!!
ChrisFurniss's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 14:47
ChrisFurniss
he called it! played right into his downy, quail-like hands.
Sharpless's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 14:54
Sharpless
That was absolutely awful. They made them thoroughly obnoxious and unlikable. Bleh. "Come out, bitch" was the only really funny part. Just... ack. Total abortion.
nademagnet's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 14:55
nademagnet
That was fantastic.
demonelite's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 14:55
demonelite
Amazing!
Brandon Undead's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 14:58
Brandon Undead
Not funny.
NEEDS MOAR
Alanar's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 14:59
Alanar
Absolutely brilliant.
Hitogoroshi's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 14:59
Hitogoroshi
War Games reference = Mother fucking win.
SWE3tMadness's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 15:14
SWE3tMadness
For some odd reason, hearing the turrets trash-talk each other and swear lke sailors with their robotic, canned voices is so weirdly incongruous that it makes the whole thing hysterical. Especially the montage of the one turret falling to his death.

"SSHHHHIIIiiiiiittttt..."
Grim Santo's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 15:17
Grim Santo
I have to agree with MisterMingo, I thought i was playing Halo 3 because they sound like 12 year old trash talkers.
charliesuh's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 15:26
charliesuh
Qais! That was damn awesome! One of the best parody video's I've seen in a loooooong time!
Cheeburga's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 15:36
Cheeburga
Holy fuck that was amazing.
Sharpless's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 15:38
Sharpless
Yeah, it sounded like the work of a bunch of fratboys trying their first Halo machinima for shits and giggles. I'm astounded that it's so well-received here. Destructoid, I thought I knew you.
ridley80's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 15:44
ridley80
Ha ha...that was funny...if you didn't think that was funny, you need to go back to funny school

"come out bitch"
Cameron300ZXTT's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 15:45
Cameron300ZXTT
I thought it was pretty good. As for the lingo, I think it was purely satire of today's internet speak. No reason to hate.
Qais Fulton's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 15:55
Qais Fulton
@sharpless: the internet slang was definitely overdone, but beyond that this thing is pure comedy gold.
atheistium's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 15:55
atheistium
colette set me this, so funny!
lostalaska's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 16:00
lostalaska
Tell her you see her, it freaks them out... great...
Knivy's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 16:03
Knivy
"Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit"
That was my favorite part.
TheToiletDuck's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 16:06
TheToiletDuck
Actually, that was genuinely funny.
Kudos :)
JoshDunford's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 16:08
JoshDunford
Come out bitch! Too hilarious.

-JD
Bluefusion's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 16:21
Bluefusion
Well, at least I thought it was funny. They could have stayed more true to the game if they had feminine voices, but whatever...it's still funny.
WmV337's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 16:22
WmV337
Like everyone else, I just fucking lost it at "SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT"

And lotsa, I think that its time that you got a new avatar.
MasterMS's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 16:31
MasterMS
Yeah this video really sucked
CaptainApocalypse's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 16:34
CaptainApocalypse
lolgasm @ this
PrinceofCannedPeaches's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 16:37
PrinceofCannedPeaches
I always knew that cube was up to no good. Now about that cake...
Chocobo Knight's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 16:41
Chocobo Knight
Tehsome.
BADInc's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 17:33
BADInc
ive barely even played portal, and this was still hilarious to me
dronkmunk's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 17:36
dronkmunk
I thought it was supposed to be female voices

fail!
Teta's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 17:40
Teta
Not funny, but really enjoyable.
-Do you think there will be any cake?
-Fuck you!
GuitarAtomik's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 17:50
GuitarAtomik
Oh man! That was great!
big filth's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 17:57
big filth
lets be honest.

just because it has something to do with portal doesnt make it AWESOME.

there were a few funny parts, but overall. eh.
Hamsizzla's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 18:14
Hamsizzla
That wasn't funny at all. The voices pissed me off, and it was just tasteless humor..
TheSheezie's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 18:20
TheSheezie
That was terrible.
F Whipple's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 18:36
F Whipple
That was awesome
Baron Calico's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 19:03
Baron Calico
I lol'd
vexed alex's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 19:07
vexed alex
Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Who are these people who thought it wasn't funny? And what was that thing about this being like a Halo 3 frat boy? LOL. WUT? I don't understand how that connection could of have been made.
Maurice Tan's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 19:28
Maurice Tan
Fun level zero.
TheBrain's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 20:27
TheBrain
I wonder if there will be cake.

Fuck you.
Bob Muir's Avatar - Comment posted on 01/18/2008 22:53
Bob Muir
I haven't played Portal yet, but that was really funny.
prev next 50 comments

Comment with Facebook





Click connect and comment instantly!

Comment with Dtoid





New? SIGN UP - it takes 5 seconds

Comments policy

Destructoid is an open discussion community. You don't need to "audition" to post a comment - just speak your mind. We respect differing opinions on the site, so have at it. Be smart, funny, insightful, clueless, or cute -- but back it up with substance. Keep your cool, keep it fun. We only ask that you act respectfully and above all: don't be a troll and ruin it for everyone else. Don't bring down gamers or we'll, you know, gently shoot you in the face and stuff you into a flaming mailbox. Each comment is your opportuntity to make this community awesomer. Is that even a word?

Avoiding the banhammer only requires common sense: spamming, trolling, racism, NSFW stuff, and other forms of sucking will not be tolerated. If anyone is griefing please report abuse. Be good. Don't suck!