Destructoid is an independently-run gaming discussion community updated nearly every 20 minutes. Get started now by creating an avatar to post comments, upload videos, meet people, and create your own blog. Returning Dtoider? login!


all platforms pc/windows wii xbox 360 playstation 3 ds psp retro indie  
most recent
most popular
editors' picks
twitter updates
buy Dtoid gear
RSS feed



Dtoid staff
Nick Chester
Editor-in-Chief
Anthony Burch
Features Editor
Jim Sterling
Reviews Editor
Hamza Aziz
Community Mgr
Niero
Mr. Destructoid
Associate Editors
Brad Nicholson
Conrad
Zimmerman
Jonathan Holmes
Chad Concelmo
Dale North
Colette Bennett
Joseph Leray
Justin Villasenor
Samit Sarkar
Brad Rice
Ashley Davis
Dyson
Jordan Devore
Mike Ferry
Tom Fronczak
Topher Cantler
Qais Fulton
Contributors
Adam Dork
Charlie Suh
Joe Burling
Jonathan Ross

 
Podcasts
Rev on Podtoid
Chad on Retroforce GO!
Jim on The Podcastle

Elephant Software
Thomas Lackner

Destructoid is made by
ModernMethod


A day in the life of a Portal turret
Qais Fulton01.18.08 - 2:21 PM 84 comments

When I played through Portal I found the turrets were easily my favorite characters in the game. Valve gave them a fantastic amount of personality and in spite of how incredibly creepy it was to hear them asking after me I almost felt bad killing them.  Almost.  

Now that this video shows me the daily ins and outs of a turret's life I'm starting to feel those twinges of guilt again.  These guys are just like me (although with less feathers and no modular bedding); working day in and day out, trading questionably witty quips, and dealing with that mouthy jerk everyone hates.  And I just rolled through and wrecked their life.

This is probably the funniest Portal parody I've seen yet. Commence painfully unfunny repetitive quoting in 3, 2, 1....



MORE IN OUR Weighted Companion Cube SECTION

Latest comment by kardelen1334 |view all 84 comments
...



Reaprar's Avatar
Reaprar at 01/18/2008 14:22

Haha!

I'M SORRY FOR EVERYTHING OH GAAWGHGSHG



How about dem annoying repetitivenesses?
Hamza CTZ Aziz's Avatar
Hamza CTZ Aziz at 01/18/2008 14:27

"Call her a bitch"
ROFL
BlackDove's Avatar
BlackDove at 01/18/2008 14:28

The reason the turrets were awesome was because of their childlike voices and innocence.

So... no.
zealot9802's Avatar
zealot9802 at 01/18/2008 14:33

SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
xMalachi's Avatar
xMalachi at 01/18/2008 14:34

Balls!

I Wonder if there will be cake
pancakes mcgee's Avatar
pancakes mcgee at 01/18/2008 14:35

are they still on that damn island? haha. genius.
Eschatos's Avatar
Eschatos at 01/18/2008 14:37

Best and only Portal machinima so far!
Cowzilla3's Avatar
Cowzilla3 at 01/18/2008 14:39

I lost it when they started humming with each other.
MisterMingo's Avatar
MisterMingo at 01/18/2008 14:39

They screwed up the voices. They're supposed to be cute and childlike. That's why they were my favorite part of the game.

And the companion cube shouldn't talk, for this very reason.

Ah well, the LOST part made me laugh.
CaffeinePowered's Avatar
CaffeinePowered at 01/18/2008 14:41

See you in hell cube
AngelsDontBurn's Avatar
AngelsDontBurn at 01/18/2008 14:43

Lol, so good.

@MisterMingo: Yes, welcome to the world of parody. Where comedy and entertainment are the only things that matter.

I always thought the turrents were awesome. Highlight of my day so far.
njsykora's Avatar
njsykora at 01/18/2008 14:44

I lol'd when they started humming Still Alive. I signed when they resorted to the cake line though.

OWNED BITCHES!!
ChrisFurniss's Avatar
ChrisFurniss at 01/18/2008 14:47

he called it! played right into his downy, quail-like hands.
Sharpless's Avatar
Sharpless at 01/18/2008 14:54

That was absolutely awful. They made them thoroughly obnoxious and unlikable. Bleh. "Come out, bitch" was the only really funny part. Just... ack. Total abortion.
nademagnet's Avatar
nademagnet at 01/18/2008 14:55

That was fantastic.
demonelite's Avatar
demonelite at 01/18/2008 14:55

Amazing!
Brandon Undead's Avatar
Brandon Undead at 01/18/2008 14:58

Not funny.
NEEDS MOAR
Alanar's Avatar
Alanar at 01/18/2008 14:59

Absolutely brilliant.
Hitogoroshi's Avatar
Hitogoroshi at 01/18/2008 14:59

War Games reference = Mother fucking win.
SWE3tMadness's Avatar
SWE3tMadness at 01/18/2008 15:14

For some odd reason, hearing the turrets trash-talk each other and swear lke sailors with their robotic, canned voices is so weirdly incongruous that it makes the whole thing hysterical. Especially the montage of the one turret falling to his death.

"SSHHHHIIIiiiiiittttt..."
Grim Santo's Avatar
Grim Santo at 01/18/2008 15:17

I have to agree with MisterMingo, I thought i was playing Halo 3 because they sound like 12 year old trash talkers.
charliesuh's Avatar
charliesuh at 01/18/2008 15:26

Qais! That was damn awesome! One of the best parody video's I've seen in a loooooong time!
Cheeburga's Avatar
Cheeburga at 01/18/2008 15:36

Holy fuck that was amazing.
Sharpless's Avatar
Sharpless at 01/18/2008 15:38

Yeah, it sounded like the work of a bunch of fratboys trying their first Halo machinima for shits and giggles. I'm astounded that it's so well-received here. Destructoid, I thought I knew you.
ridley80's Avatar
ridley80 at 01/18/2008 15:44

Ha ha...that was funny...if you didn't think that was funny, you need to go back to funny school

"come out bitch"
Cameron300ZXTT's Avatar
Cameron300ZXTT at 01/18/2008 15:45

I thought it was pretty good. As for the lingo, I think it was purely satire of today's internet speak. No reason to hate.
Qais Fulton's Avatar
Qais Fulton at 01/18/2008 15:55

@sharpless: the internet slang was definitely overdone, but beyond that this thing is pure comedy gold.
atheistium's Avatar
atheistium at 01/18/2008 15:55

colette set me this, so funny!
lostalaska's Avatar
lostalaska at 01/18/2008 16:00

Tell her you see her, it freaks them out... great...
Knives's Avatar
Knives at 01/18/2008 16:03

"Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit"
That was my favorite part.
TheToiletDuck's Avatar
TheToiletDuck at 01/18/2008 16:06

Actually, that was genuinely funny.
Kudos :)
JoshDunford's Avatar
JoshDunford at 01/18/2008 16:08

Come out bitch! Too hilarious.

-JD
Bluefusion's Avatar
Bluefusion at 01/18/2008 16:21

Well, at least I thought it was funny. They could have stayed more true to the game if they had feminine voices, but whatever...it's still funny.
WmV337's Avatar
WmV337 at 01/18/2008 16:22

Like everyone else, I just fucking lost it at "SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT"

And lotsa, I think that its time that you got a new avatar.
MasterMS's Avatar
MasterMS at 01/18/2008 16:31

Yeah this video really sucked
CaptainApocalypse's Avatar
CaptainApocalypse at 01/18/2008 16:34

lolgasm @ this
PrinceofCannedPeaches's Avatar
PrinceofCannedPeaches at 01/18/2008 16:37

I always knew that cube was up to no good. Now about that cake...
Chocobo Knight's Avatar
Chocobo Knight at 01/18/2008 16:41

Tehsome.
BADInc's Avatar
BADInc at 01/18/2008 17:33

ive barely even played portal, and this was still hilarious to me
dronkmunk's Avatar
dronkmunk at 01/18/2008 17:36

I thought it was supposed to be female voices

fail!
Teta's Avatar
Teta at 01/18/2008 17:40

Not funny, but really enjoyable.
-Do you think there will be any cake?
-Fuck you!
GuitarAtomik's Avatar
GuitarAtomik at 01/18/2008 17:50

Oh man! That was great!
big filth's Avatar
big filth at 01/18/2008 17:57

lets be honest.

just because it has something to do with portal doesnt make it AWESOME.

there were a few funny parts, but overall. eh.
Hamsizzla's Avatar
Hamsizzla at 01/18/2008 18:14

That wasn't funny at all. The voices pissed me off, and it was just tasteless humor..
TheSheezie's Avatar
TheSheezie at 01/18/2008 18:20

That was terrible.
F Whipple's Avatar
F Whipple at 01/18/2008 18:36

That was awesome
Baron Calico's Avatar
Baron Calico at 01/18/2008 19:03

I lol'd
vexed alex's Avatar
vexed alex at 01/18/2008 19:07

Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Who are these people who thought it wasn't funny? And what was that thing about this being like a Halo 3 frat boy? LOL. WUT? I don't understand how that connection could of have been made.
Professor Pew's Avatar
Professor Pew at 01/18/2008 19:28

Fun level zero.
TheBrain's Avatar
TheBrain at 01/18/2008 20:27

I wonder if there will be cake.

Fuck you.
Necros's Avatar
Necros at 01/18/2008 22:53

I haven't played Portal yet, but that was really funny.
braulio09's Avatar
braulio09 at 01/18/2008 22:54

ugh...not funny at all. it annoyed me that the voices weren't the high pitched ones they were supposed to be. and most of the swearing was there just to try and fail to be funny. also, so many missed oportunities to talk about android hell
John B's Avatar
John B at 01/18/2008 23:45

That was funny as hell. To the naysayers, if you think it sucks so badly, make one of your own.

...then have some cake.
slayoyayo's Avatar
slayoyayo at 01/19/2008 00:16

I'm not sure what was more amusing-- the actual video, or the comments from dweebs who don't like the turrets' voices or dialogue content.

I guess when satire hits too close to home it gets lost on some people. The turrets sound like fratboys? LOL-- no, they sound like you.
toast!'s Avatar
toast! at 01/19/2008 03:11

ahaha awesome video

SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTT

balls!
what the shit!

best part :P
Im OK's Avatar
Im OK at 01/19/2008 03:59

Well, if they'd been that annoying in the actual game, I wouldn't have felt bad about mercilessly abusing them the way I did.
PSIq0ut's Avatar
PSIq0ut at 01/19/2008 06:22

excellent. Really funny stuff.
metroid's Avatar
metroid at 01/19/2008 08:26

"shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit"
bluefusion@so your saying that they needed to kidnap the original voice-actor to voice the turrets?????
overal great
A Ton of Berries's Avatar
A Ton of Berries at 01/19/2008 10:44

haha, that was great!

They made lulz!
Azereki's Avatar
Azereki at 01/19/2008 10:49

That was a quality fucking laugh, thank you very much!
Hamsizzla's Avatar
Hamsizzla at 01/19/2008 12:46

"are you kidding? halo 3 pwns call of duty 4. I mean come on guys" HOW IS THAT NOT LOLWORTHY??
protip: add portal theme to bad comedy and it becomes lol
blehman's Avatar
blehman at 01/19/2008 21:01

Well, when they started singing the end song, that was kinda funny...

The SHIIIIIIIIIIIITTTT!!!!1 part made me lol too. Other than that, meh.
Joosh's Avatar
Joosh at 01/20/2008 21:41

The companion cube...what a douche...
Thornnn's Avatar
Thornnn at 01/20/2008 22:05

Awesome. possum
Fading_Star's Avatar
Fading_Star at 01/20/2008 23:37

@Sharpless
It's not THAT bad. It is kind of funny.

"The only way to win is not to play."
l0cke's Avatar
l0cke at 01/21/2008 00:06

Has anyone ever putt the turrets into one of those fields? They make some interesting noises.
AfroJoel's Avatar
AfroJoel at 01/21/2008 01:52

ololololol
mistic's Avatar
mistic at 01/22/2008 09:17

lololololol
SDogg554's Avatar
SDogg554 at 01/22/2008 19:18

haha good stuff. i played through the game only a couple days ago. i'm sry i missed it for so long.
BaBaBaBaBirdman's Avatar
BaBaBaBaBirdman at 01/23/2008 10:20

Extremely well made. Definitely the best portal video I have seen yet.

Turret 1: What do I do now?
Turret 2: Call her a bitch.

Classic.
LordGloom's Avatar
LordGloom at 01/23/2008 18:05

It's well made, but the humor is sophomoric. You can call it high brow satire all you want, but it's just some guy typing shit and fuck into a voice synthesiser.

Considering the excellent humor in Portal itself, this seems like a slap in the face. There were a few knee jerk chuckles here and there, but it really wasn't funny in the least.

Sorry. It ain't good.
Mister Disco's Avatar
Mister Disco at 01/23/2008 22:32

I thought it was pretty funny.

I don't know why some of you feel the need to trash it, though. So, you don't find it funny? Who cares? I mean, honestly, not everyone has the same sense of humor and finds the same things amusing. No need to get all elitist about it.
LordGloom's Avatar
LordGloom at 01/24/2008 09:15

I wouldn't be trashing it if it weren't Portal. Taking something established (in this case, Portal's humor) and completely changing it (in this case, to shit and fuck) doesn't make a good fan movie.
dprime's Avatar
dprime at 01/28/2008 00:48

It was pretty good, but I certainly feel like this could have been funnier. A little more irony as opposed to silliness. More accurate voices. Y'know?
MrSlippery's Avatar
MrSlippery at 01/28/2008 13:38

they should've used the actual voices for the part where he's trying to get her to come out. would've added to it.

something like: "Hey, use that child voice you've been working on, it'll fuck with her."
Dutch's Avatar
Dutch at 02/01/2008 23:01

HOW DID I MISS THIS!!! Amazing... fucking cake.
youkilledmyguy's Avatar
youkilledmyguy at 02/04/2008 23:26

Good show.
king3vbo's Avatar
king3vbo at 02/20/2008 08:52

Holy crap, thats hilarious
emotoaster's Avatar
emotoaster at 02/20/2008 10:50

Pretty good,

SEE YOU IN HELL CUBE!
Demtor's Avatar
Demtor at 05/12/2008 15:33

Hahahaha, want more! Outstanding! I seriously had to keep from drawing attention to my cubicle today at work. Lol!
NatePribble's Avatar
NatePribble at 05/13/2008 02:22

I loved it! I especially liked the humming 'still alive'.

You must be logged in to post a comment. Click here to login or create a user account now.

RELATED ARTICLES

Portal: Still Alive details
47 comments

Valve says no cake for you: Portal:Still Alive not coming to PSN
27 comments

Hey! You got your Mirror's Edge in my Portal
16 comments

Portal gets a fan-made prequel in Portal: Prelude
14 comments

Google turns Portal into a coding problem
7 comments
Got gaming news?   Email:   tips@destructoid.com


community blogs (28235) members strong

Post a new community blog
October call for entries: The fear! THE FEAR!
Game with us: Friday Night Fights
Meet Dtoiders near you

popular right now
ContestsMega Man 9 giveaway contest and introducing the Mega Man Boss Maker!
326 comments + 26575 views
Things gamers doRamblings of a colorblind gamer
143 comments + 10515 views
HAHA Weird!Sony did NOT win an award for SIXAXIS
56 comments + 10090 views