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When I played through Portal I found the turrets were easily my favorite characters in the game. Valve gave them a fantastic amount of personality and in spite of how incredibly creepy it was to hear them asking after me I almost felt bad killing them.  Almost.  

Now that this video shows me the daily ins and outs of a turret's life I'm starting to feel those twinges of guilt again.  These guys are just like me (although with less feathers and no modular bedding); working day in and day out, trading questionably witty quips, and dealing with that mouthy jerk everyone hates.  And I just rolled through and wrecked their life.

This is probably the funniest Portal parody I've seen yet. Commence painfully unfunny repetitive quoting in 3, 2, 1....


Continue: More Portal stories





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80 comments | showing # 1 to 50

Hamza CTZ Aziz's Avatar
Hamza CTZ Aziz at 01/18/2008 14:27
"Call her a bitch"
ROFL
BlackDove's Avatar
BlackDove at 01/18/2008 14:28
The reason the turrets were awesome was because of their childlike voices and innocence.

So... no.
zealot9802's Avatar
zealot9802 at 01/18/2008 14:33
SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
xMalachi's Avatar
xMalachi at 01/18/2008 14:34
Balls!

I Wonder if there will be cake
pancakes mcgee's Avatar
pancakes mcgee at 01/18/2008 14:35
are they still on that damn island? haha. genius.
Eschatos's Avatar
Eschatos at 01/18/2008 14:37
Best and only Portal machinima so far!
Cowzilla3's Avatar
Cowzilla3 at 01/18/2008 14:39
I lost it when they started humming with each other.
MisterMingo's Avatar
MisterMingo at 01/18/2008 14:39
They screwed up the voices. They're supposed to be cute and childlike. That's why they were my favorite part of the game.

And the companion cube shouldn't talk, for this very reason.

Ah well, the LOST part made me laugh.
CaffeinePowered's Avatar
CaffeinePowered at 01/18/2008 14:41
See you in hell cube
AngelsDontBurn's Avatar
AngelsDontBurn at 01/18/2008 14:43
Lol, so good.

@MisterMingo: Yes, welcome to the world of parody. Where comedy and entertainment are the only things that matter.

I always thought the turrents were awesome. Highlight of my day so far.
njsykora's Avatar
njsykora at 01/18/2008 14:44
I lol'd when they started humming Still Alive. I signed when they resorted to the cake line though.

OWNED BITCHES!!
ChrisFurniss's Avatar
ChrisFurniss at 01/18/2008 14:47
he called it! played right into his downy, quail-like hands.
Sharpless's Avatar
Sharpless at 01/18/2008 14:54
That was absolutely awful. They made them thoroughly obnoxious and unlikable. Bleh. "Come out, bitch" was the only really funny part. Just... ack. Total abortion.
nademagnet's Avatar
nademagnet at 01/18/2008 14:55
That was fantastic.
demonelite's Avatar
demonelite at 01/18/2008 14:55
Amazing!
Brandon Undead's Avatar
Brandon Undead at 01/18/2008 14:58
Not funny.
NEEDS MOAR
Alanar's Avatar
Alanar at 01/18/2008 14:59
Absolutely brilliant.
Hitogoroshi's Avatar
Hitogoroshi at 01/18/2008 14:59
War Games reference = Mother fucking win.
SWE3tMadness's Avatar
SWE3tMadness at 01/18/2008 15:14
For some odd reason, hearing the turrets trash-talk each other and swear lke sailors with their robotic, canned voices is so weirdly incongruous that it makes the whole thing hysterical. Especially the montage of the one turret falling to his death.

"SSHHHHIIIiiiiiittttt..."
Grim Santo's Avatar
Grim Santo at 01/18/2008 15:17
I have to agree with MisterMingo, I thought i was playing Halo 3 because they sound like 12 year old trash talkers.
charliesuh's Avatar
charliesuh at 01/18/2008 15:26
Qais! That was damn awesome! One of the best parody video's I've seen in a loooooong time!
Cheeburga's Avatar
Cheeburga at 01/18/2008 15:36
Holy fuck that was amazing.
Sharpless's Avatar
Sharpless at 01/18/2008 15:38
Yeah, it sounded like the work of a bunch of fratboys trying their first Halo machinima for shits and giggles. I'm astounded that it's so well-received here. Destructoid, I thought I knew you.
ridley80's Avatar
ridley80 at 01/18/2008 15:44
Ha ha...that was funny...if you didn't think that was funny, you need to go back to funny school

"come out bitch"
Cameron300ZXTT's Avatar
Cameron300ZXTT at 01/18/2008 15:45
I thought it was pretty good. As for the lingo, I think it was purely satire of today's internet speak. No reason to hate.
Qais Fulton's Avatar
Qais Fulton at 01/18/2008 15:55
@sharpless: the internet slang was definitely overdone, but beyond that this thing is pure comedy gold.
atheistium's Avatar
atheistium at 01/18/2008 15:55
colette set me this, so funny!
lostalaska's Avatar
lostalaska at 01/18/2008 16:00
Tell her you see her, it freaks them out... great...
Knives's Avatar
Knives at 01/18/2008 16:03
"Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit"
That was my favorite part.
TheToiletDuck's Avatar
TheToiletDuck at 01/18/2008 16:06
Actually, that was genuinely funny.
Kudos :)
JoshDunford's Avatar
JoshDunford at 01/18/2008 16:08
Come out bitch! Too hilarious.

-JD
Bluefusion's Avatar
Bluefusion at 01/18/2008 16:21
Well, at least I thought it was funny. They could have stayed more true to the game if they had feminine voices, but whatever...it's still funny.
WmV337's Avatar
WmV337 at 01/18/2008 16:22
Like everyone else, I just fucking lost it at "SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT"

And lotsa, I think that its time that you got a new avatar.
MasterMS's Avatar
MasterMS at 01/18/2008 16:31
Yeah this video really sucked
CaptainApocalypse's Avatar
CaptainApocalypse at 01/18/2008 16:34
lolgasm @ this
PrinceofCannedPeaches's Avatar
PrinceofCannedPeaches at 01/18/2008 16:37
I always knew that cube was up to no good. Now about that cake...
Chocobo Knight's Avatar
Chocobo Knight at 01/18/2008 16:41
Tehsome.
BADInc's Avatar
BADInc at 01/18/2008 17:33
ive barely even played portal, and this was still hilarious to me
dronkmunk's Avatar
dronkmunk at 01/18/2008 17:36
I thought it was supposed to be female voices

fail!
Teta's Avatar
Teta at 01/18/2008 17:40
Not funny, but really enjoyable.
-Do you think there will be any cake?
-Fuck you!
GuitarAtomik's Avatar
GuitarAtomik at 01/18/2008 17:50
Oh man! That was great!
big filth's Avatar
big filth at 01/18/2008 17:57
lets be honest.

just because it has something to do with portal doesnt make it AWESOME.

there were a few funny parts, but overall. eh.
Hamsizzla's Avatar
Hamsizzla at 01/18/2008 18:14
That wasn't funny at all. The voices pissed me off, and it was just tasteless humor..
TheSheezie's Avatar
TheSheezie at 01/18/2008 18:20
That was terrible.
F Whipple's Avatar
F Whipple at 01/18/2008 18:36
That was awesome
Baron Calico's Avatar
Baron Calico at 01/18/2008 19:03
I lol'd
vexed alex's Avatar
vexed alex at 01/18/2008 19:07
Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Who are these people who thought it wasn't funny? And what was that thing about this being like a Halo 3 frat boy? LOL. WUT? I don't understand how that connection could of have been made.
Professor Pew's Avatar
Professor Pew at 01/18/2008 19:28
Fun level zero.
TheBrain's Avatar
TheBrain at 01/18/2008 20:27
I wonder if there will be cake.

Fuck you.
Necros's Avatar
Necros at 01/18/2008 22:53
I haven't played Portal yet, but that was really funny.
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