Damn! Dang! Darn! Uhh... Dildos!
I think the lesson Bill and I learned playing D4: Dark Dreams Don't Die is that we need to calibrate the Kinect, and make sure it can see us properly. Beyond that, I'm still unclear what this game is about, and it's vaguely u...
Look D4 you leap
Okay, so Chris Carter absolutely loved D4: Dark Dreams Don't Die, so Bill and I figured we'd check it out... and uh. Wow. Goodness gracious.
That certainly is some sort of video game. I think. Honestly, if I didn't have this whole experience on video, I might think there was a gas leak in my house making us go all stupid and insane.
...And we're just getting around to posting this now.
Our pal Mike Cosimano (who, in all seriousness rivals Jonathan Holmes when it comes to kindness and all-around positivity) was our video editing man at PAX Prime earlier this month. I made sure he got a chance to check out s...
Has my hype train derailed?
Sunset Overdrive was one of the most exciting announcements to come out of E3 2013, and since then, I've had numerous people say it looks like a game made just for me.
For whatever reason, I didn't get a chance to check it ou...
Man, Destiny. I seriously can't remember the last game that I felt so ambivalent about, but was so completely hooked on. Here's me and Bill dicking around on the Moon and discussing our general thoughts on the game, and killing the Moon-Princes with a big dumb sword.
Is it a "Let's Play?" I don't know. But we're enjoying ourselves, and maybe you'll enjoy watching our enjoyment.
This one's for you, Morph.
Today there are a bunch of new trailers for games like Assassin's Creed Unity, Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare, and The Last of Us Remastered (which is on sale) but Bill and I would rather talk about superhero cartoons from twenty years ago, and guns we can't remember the names of in Unreal Tournament.
Also, we are eight years old.
Monday is the worst day of the week, so Bill and I are coping with it by drinking blueberry smoothies and talking about wonderful things like superhero nonsense from Comic-Con, Mass Effect's exciting new (old) sharkmobile, Trine 2's awful poetry, Destiny's two unoriginal races, and True Detective, which Bill doesn't like, and therefore isn't allowed to have blueberry smoothies anymore.
Also, it has been determined that it is a silly game.
As we recently learned, Sunset Overdrive lets players protect their genitals with the head of a green kangaroo, which is a very silly idea. But is that silly enough, in this post-Saints Row world? The answer is "who cares?" because there are also Hawaiian Shirts and Hawaiian Shirts are my jam.
And make a grass-type sex dungeon...
One of my favorite parts of Pokémon Black & White was the ability to haze your magical pets by dressing them up and having them perform musical theatre, so putting Pikachu in drag in Alpha Sapphire and Omega Ruby sounds awesome to me. If you want to watch the full Pokémon trailer in all its awkwardly-paced Nintendo-approved sterile family-friendly glory, here it is.
Also, Raiden gets even more annoying moves
For whatever reason, AOL accidentally let the cat out of the bag about Tekken 7, which is going to be running on Unreal Engine 4, and now we have a big ol' trailer for the game. Meanwhile, in a different game about guys with dumb hair hitting each other, Raiden has been revealed for Mortal Kombat X, and he seems to have a very loose understanding of what thunder can and can't block out.
Lemme ride them big lizards
I've liked just about everything I've seen from Dragon Age: Inquisition, which is weird, because historically I've basically avoided the series. Here is literally everything I knew about the previous Dragon Age games go...
Is this Harry Dean-Stanton's first game appearance? Who cares.
The pre-order bonuses for Alien: Isolation have been announced, and they're really, really cool... but should we take it at some kind of sign? After all, it was a very similar lust for bonuses that led to the crew of The Nostromo investigating the distress signal coming from LV-426, in the process granting passage to the film's titular nightmarish stowaway.
But you don't have to take my word for it...
Sometimes, when I check my email, I find wonderful things like messages from friends and family, beta invites, or announcements that something I ordered has shipped. Sometimes, I find a pile of press releases. Sometimes they'...
Because "Canada" sounds like "Kaneda"
Today is Canada day. And since "Canada" sounds kind of, sort of like "Kaneda," the hero of Otomo Katsuhiro's groundbreaking cyberpunk manga-turned-anime Akira, that's reason enough for me to put on my favorite red jacket and talk about one of his favorite pieces of media ever... Japanese, Canadian, or otherwise.
Look, I know what a laser is. You're not fooling me.
In a lovingly overproduced developer diary, a couple of Sledgehammer bros ran down the exciting new gear in Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare, including this year's "game-changer," the exo-skeleton, and hyped some of their other groundbreaking innovations such as... as laser. If nothing else, there was an opening for a Mountain Dew joke.
Will the big lizard be localized?
The King of The Monsters is stomping his big dumb lizard feet all over the Playstation 3 this winter, but only in Japan. Bandai Namco hasn't really given us much else to go on for this game. Will it come out in the west? No idea, but the recent Godzilla movie from Legendary Pictures did pretty well, so who knows.
...in under 2 minutes!
Sure, you could go watch the whole half-hour demo of Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain we saw at E3, but then you don't get to look at my pretty face. Also, an animal shows up at the end of this video! Can you guess what it is?
Max and Bill attempt to describe procedural generation
Of all the games we saw at E3, No Man's Sky is probably the most difficult to describe without sounding like we just came down from a mescaline trip. A procedurally-generated universe filled with millions of planets? Each with new and unique flora and fauna? Spaceships that shoot lasers? This is definitely a high concept game. Hopefully, the final product delivers, because it sounds cool as hell.
Coming to you from my living room
Here's some very flaccid news in the wake of E3 -- Destiny's Alpha is over, with a Beta next month. The game'll be a Sony exclusive in Japan. The new dude from Halo 5: Guardians has been named Agent Locke, and he'll be i...
This is an extra weird one
Here on Farts 'N' Crafts, we tackle a lot of hard-hitting issues. And by hard-hitting issues, I specifically mean "bodily fluids," which is almost ironic considering the show's title. We've done dog feces, we've gone hedgeho...
What's YOUR stance on Yamcha?
If you missed it last week, Bill and I started an all Dragon Ball let's-play/let's-bullshit-about series called Just Saiyan, since we spend most of our workdays arguing like twelve-year-olds about whether or not Vegeta is co...
Today on Tuesday Newsday, we go over two games that Brett Makedonski previewed, which have both been delayed, The Order: 1886 and The Evil Within. The new Battlefield is Hardline, seemingly a cops and robbers theme rather tha...
Plus, an excuse to show clips from Akira
There's been a whole bunch of interesting stuff to talk about in the last week! Halo 5: Guardians has been announced for 2015, Far Cry 4 is coming this fall, Duke Nukem: Mass Destruction has been rebranded as Bombshell, Tom ...
Today, Max's shirt is peach-colored.
It’s been quite a busy week of news, and here’s Max to shout moistly about it.
Gamers who are short a hundred bucks got some great news this morning with the announcement of an Xbox One sans Kinect, for a somewh...
Fetch me a literjon of vodka, Dandelion! This lozenge has curdled my tongue.
This week, I stop mucking around with condiments, pasta, and watercolors and just do a good old-fashioned drawing. The subject? Geralt of Rivia, The White Wolf, star of The Witcher books and games.
While drawing, I'm asked stupid questions by Bill Zoeker, who doesn't know anything about Witchers. Also, we eat very sour candies.
Don't do coffee, kids.
Put on your current events helmets, everyone, because Tuesday Newsday is here.
Because it’d just be an Ephant Mon in the room if I didn’t address it, the Star Wars Episode VII cast has been revealed, following t...
Today for Farts 'N' Crafts, I got a little artsier than usual, and decided to "dabble" in watercolor to draw a fairly hot topic: a certain Japanese robot of the Gundam variety. Probably not my best, but watercolor, mecha, and talking at the same time are kind of tricky.
It has hover-bikes, but is that enough?
If you missed it, Hamza went up to Bungie's offices to play Destiny, and he wrote a bunch of words and stuff about it. I didn't actually feel like reading his articles, so I demanded he describe his time with the game out loud, and I wanted to make him uncomfortable, so I filmed the whole ordeal.
Plus; big robot spiders
After almost two years of wringing my sweaty little hands and looking at screenshots like a schlub, I finally got to take Watch Dogs for a spin last week. After hacking into steam pipes and blowing up cars for two hours, I took a moment to chat with the game's creative director Jonathan Morin.
Breaking: my hair looks great today
Here's your Tuesday Newsday for the last week or so! Today, we got a sexy new Dragon Age III: Inquisition trailer, some HD footage of Star Citizen out of PAX East, announcements of a new Fatal Frame on Wii-U as well as a bun...