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Smooth Operator photo
Smooth Operator

Sup Holmes shakes tongues with Beardo Games

Sup Holmes every Sunday at 2:30pm EST!
Nov 15
// Jonathan Holmes
[Sup Holmes is a weekly talk show for people that make great videogames. It airs live every Sunday at 4pm EST on YouTube, and can be found in Podcast form on Libsyn and iTunes.] [Update: Show's over every...
Greatness masturbates photo
Greatness masturbates

Don't masturbate in public to PS4 displays

The Wii U is sexier
Nov 09
// Jed Whitaker
Security camera footage of an unknown man having a wank in front of a PlayStation 4 display has been leaked online, and now here it is for you to watch, if you're into that kind of thing. You won't see much skin, so no worri...
Get your poke on! photo
Get your poke on!

You can be polyamorous and bisexual in Fallout 4

Pound it with whomever you like
Nov 09
// Jed Whitaker
Former Destructoid reviews editor Jim Sterling revealed in his latest Jimquisition that players can be not only bisexual but also polyamorous in Fallout 4. That's right, you can love and sleep with multiple characters w...
Street Fighter V photo
Street Fighter V

R. Mika butt-slap close up removed from Street Fighter V

Cammy crotch zoom also altered
Nov 08
// Jonathan Holmes
It wasn't long ago that Capcom claimed Chun-Li's absurd level of boob movement in Street Fighter V was a "glitch" and it was working on a fix before the game was released. I wonder if it will also claim that R. Mika's origina...

Gamers love danger photo
Gamers love danger

Marathon gamers are 25% more likely to consider sleeping with a serial killer

Says online dating site OKCupid
Oct 29
// Jed Whitaker
Do you ever find yourself playing video games for more than eight hours straight? If you answered yes, would you consider sleeping with -- or fucking -- a serial killer? According to OKCupid, 25 percent of you are likely to a...
Hot Pokemon ass photo
I know it's innocent, butt...
Just because you call it the "Hip Pop Parade" doesn't mean you're not selling a load of hot Poké ass. Starting October 10, Pokémon Center stores will be selling limited, butt-centric goods featuring Pikachu, Pip...

Porn > video games? photo
Porn > video games?

Ron Jeremy thinks video games are boring and ruining our youth

Also talks about Super Hornio Bros.
Sep 23
// Jed Whitaker
Rom Jeremy aka The Hedgehog aka the chubby guy with the giant cock in all your parents' favorite porn films was recently interviewed by Vice discussing the Super Mario Bros. porn parody in which he starred called Super H...
Naked Showers photo
Naked Showers

It's unsettlingly fun to scrub naked dudes in Rinse and Repeat

Touch that wet man body
Sep 21
// Laura Kate Dale
If you know one thing about me, it's probably that I really enjoy weird indie games about touching up hot dudes. It's a thing I have an almost academic level of interest in. The way important life experiences can be tackled u...
Kindred Spirits photo
Kindred Spirits

Sexy lesbian ghost game comes to Steam uncensored

Sep 02
// Steven Hansen
Valve has a long, rich history of banning sexy lesbian ghost games from its Steam platform, but Kindred Spirits on the Roof has scored (sex term) a win for the erotic in getting off on Steam without any censorship. Head tran...
Horny teenagers agree photo
Horny teenagers agree

'We want more female heroes and fewer sex objects,' say teenage boys

Opposite of me in high school
Jul 08
// Jed Whitaker
[Update 2: Some people have questioned the methods of the survey to which this response has been given by the surveyors:  "Wiseman reached out through Twitter and Facebook because that’s where her colleagues i...
Real gamer girl photo
Real gamer girl

Study: Women motivated to play violent video games to feel more attractive

Also have higher sex drives
Jul 07
// Jed Whitaker
A study on the use of violent video games shows that women felt motivated to play violent games in part because doing so made them feel more attractive to a partner. "What we found was that desire for sex was correlated with ...
Sup Holmes photo
Sup Holmes

Sup Holmes facilitates phallic feelings with Robert Yang

Sup Holmes every Sunday at 4pm EST!
Jul 05
// Jonathan Holmes
[Sup Holmes is a weekly talk show for people that make great videogames. It airs live every Sunday at 4pm EST on YouTube, and can be found in Podcast form on Libsyn and iTunes.] [Update: Show's over folks...
Stick Shift photo
Stick Shift

Mechanophiles rejoice, Stick Shift is on greenlight

The joke is its penis is the gearstick
Jun 24
// Joe Parlock
Remember that time Laura jacked off a car? Yeah, it’s the reason she’s banned from every Kwik-Fix and car dealership in Britain. [Editor's Note: I was only banned from a couple of Michelin Tyre Centres, ...
Cobra Club photo
Cobra Club

Cobra Club made me think intelligently about dick security

Free game about lots of cocks
Jun 01
// Laura Kate Dale
If you're into weird video games about sexuality that carry some form of social critique within them, you have probably come across the work of indie developer Robert Yang. Creator of such games as Succulent (where you suck a...
LGBT Dragon Age photo
LGBT Dragon Age

BioWare lead writer talks gay romances, LGBT characters, and Dragon Age sales

Did you ride the bull?
May 18
// Jed Whitaker
Fellow bearded brethren and radio personality Andy Borkowski interviewed David Gaider, the lead writer of Dragon Age: Inquisition on the topic of diversity in the series. David states that an argument could be made that ...
Socially Awkward Gamer photo
Socially Awkward Gamer

Videogames, porn, and seclusion: The downfall of men?

Do you know how to talk to women?
May 13
// Jed Whitaker
Phillip Zimbardo, a leading psychologist at Stanford University, has warned that men are facing a "crisis of masculinity" because of porn and videogame addiction. A study of 20,000 young men's gaming and porn habits was condu...
Stick Shift photo
Stick Shift

Stick Shift let me jerk off a car

Feel that rumble, tug that stiff pole
Apr 03
// Laura Kate Dale
Quivering with anticipation, I slowly insert my keys into his ignition slot. A few moments of anticipation, some stuttering as he turns over. A moment of all encompassing rumbling as I turn him on. The engine is running, my c...

Review: Criminal Girls: Invite Only

Mar 07 // Brittany Vincent
Criminal Girls: Invite Only (PS Vita [Reviewed], PlayStation TV)Developer: imageepochPublisher: NIS AmericaReleased: February 3, 2015MSRP: $39.99 Criminal Girls pulls you right down into Hell with a brand new job ahead of you. You're now Warden to a menagerie of young women who acted out during their time in the land of the living and are now suffering for it. Your goal is to push each one through a so-called "Redemption Program" so that they might become rehabilitated members of society. If they can complete the trials and tribulations ahead of them, they can escape eternal damnation. Not one of them like you, however, so motivating them or even getting them to do what you want can be a monumental task. As such, the girls act independently of you during pivotal game moments. You're given four of them to rehabilitate to begin with, and tasked with seeking out the rest as you play. There's a very unique battle system in place as you navigate Hell, and to complicate matters further monsters and other nasties begin popping out that you must contend with. This means while you're working on getting these wayward souls rehabilitated, you'll have to deal with monster encounters as well. [embed]288638:57646:0[/embed] When you're thrust into battle, you don't select which attacks you'd like for the girls to perform. Instead, they will suggest their own moves, and you can select the one that makes the most sense. While this could result in moments where one team member is in dire need of healing or damage isn't dealt because there wasn't a suggested offensive attack, most of the time it works quite well. You can choose from four different options each match as well, so you're usually served up at least one action that makes sense in the context of battles. It's not difficult or even a bad battle system, but there are some bizarre machinations in place you'll have to work with in order to be successful, and that stems from the "Motivation" sequences you're required to take part in. As previously mentioned, your new female charges don't like you very much. Motivation finds you dripping things onto the girls or even prodding them with cattle prod-like devices in order to get them to cooperate. The girls will assume sexually suggestive poses, though they're mostly enshrouded in a strange pink mist (I'll call it the adult fog of war) and stay silent while you "motivate" them using the touch screen to simulate a BDSM-style punishment. These sexual mini-games are comprised of several tiers, though the girls are never completely nude in-game. As you complete your motivational tasks, each girl will come to you with a specific Order that you need to complete. Basically, you'll be asked to find an item, a piece of equipment, a snack, or other special item the girl would like from you. You'll want to do all you can with this system in order to earn new moves, combos, and other useful mechanics for use against the game's plentiful enemies. In short, motivational moments are completely necessary, and while the game is actually a very competent role-playing game without these segments, as always, it will be touted as completely inane and unnecessarily sexual. The time you put in with Motivation games, fighting off enemies, collecting specific Order items, and getting to know the girls is extremely rewarding, however. Throughout the course of the game you'll come to learn more and more about each of the diminutive delinquents, like why Ran's such a little firecracker or why some of the girls have diffficulty chatting with you at all. The beauty of it all is you can experience character growth while still enjoying a title that's simple to pick up and put down with little fanfare. It's perfectly at home on the Vita, though it's clear that many of the backgrounds and areas you must explore were in fact recycled from the original PSP version of the game. Not too big of an issue, but it can clash a bit with the emotive and vibrant anime-styled character portraits. Completing the compulsory mini-games may be uncomfortable for some players, but Criminal Girls: Invite Only is very much a competent game and deserves a look, especially if you've all but converted your Vita at this point into a waifu-collection machine. That's basically what I've done. The edits to the original Japanese version are tasteful, the girls are witty, and the battles are engaging in a very "mobile game" sort of way. You can decide how you feel about motivating these young women on your own, but for me? It feels right! I'm going to make upright citizens out of these ladies yet.  [This review is based on a retail build of the game provided by the publisher.]
Criminal Girls photo
What they need is a good defense
We all know the PlayStation Vita is now the de facto home for all things Japanese. Ports, remakes, re-releases, and original content all trickle down similarly to the little handheld that could, and the Vita port of 2010's PS...

Cibele photo

Cibele is a game about love, sex, and the Internet

The MMO genre as an intimacy lubricant
Mar 01
// Jonathan Holmes
Nina Freeman (How Do You Do It?, Space Dad) is the first and only person to talk to me at length about how Smash Bros. could be a metaphor for an orgy. You can watch her full Sup Holmes episode here. We talk about magical gi...
The Witcher 3 photo
The Witcher 3

The Witcher 3 team recorded 16 hours of motion capture for sex scenes

Yep Yep Yep Yep Yep Yep Uh Huh
Feb 01
// Jonathan Holmes
Do sex scenes in videogames ever arouse you or do they just look like two action figures rubbing their crotches together? Or both? If you're said "yes" or "both" to those questions then you're in luck. The upcoming action RP...
amiibo photo

Person offers to 'show boobs' for Captain Falcon or Pit amiibo

Advertises potential boob show by showing one boob
Dec 31
// Jonathan Holmes
Depending on your time zone, this may be your final Destructoid post of 2014. If the doomsday predictions of 2012 come true two years late and this is the final thing you ever read, then I'm sorry, and you're welcome.  A...
Electronic Super Joy photo
Electronic Super Joy

Hot Sticky Mess is the 'hardest' Electronic Super Joy DLC to date

Your buttless ass is in for a world of hurt
Dec 07
// Jonathan Holmes
[Update: The levels in Hot Sticky Mess were designed by Don Nguyen and Cassie Chui, not Michael Todd and Cassie Chui as originally reported. Apologizes for the error.] Electronic Super Joy is a happy, scary game about a...
Pinch 50 Barrage photo
Pinch 50 Barrage

Heavy breathing and screaming man game hits 3DS in Japan

It's a 2D platformer
Oct 05
// Jonathan Holmes
Growing up, games like Jungle Hunt, Pitfall, and Congo Bongo were the equivalent to today's "AAA experiences". It was just a given that people wanted to play games about defenseless men in the jungle avoiding outrageous deat...
HappyPlayTime photo

Surprise, this game about masturbation wasn't allowed on the App Store

I'm touched, really
May 16
// Brittany Vincent
Color absolutely no one surprised. HappyPlayTime, an educational tool of sorts for women, has been rejected by the App Store, on the grounds that "the concept is not something that Apple wants to go forward with." Not too big...
NSFW photo

Sleepy Time is a Rhythm Depression Masturbation sensation

The Maya Bros new beat-driven one-handed journey into sorrow
Apr 27
// Jonathan Holmes
A lot of weird, unmarketable, one track minded games are referred to as "masturbatory" by their detractors. From a wider perspective, many detractors of videogames in general refer to the medium as "masturbatory", as so many ...
Happy Valentine's Day, you filthy animals
[Update: Contest over! Winners have been sent their codes.] Dtoid has just acquired 70 codes for the PS3/Vita version of Hotline Miami and I REALLY WANT YOU TO WIN BECAUSE I LOVE YOU HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY. Here's the deal: th...


Videogame Clubhouse: The Valentine's Day special

Feb 13
// Spencer Hayes
It's time for that annual occurrence of public shame and humiliation: Valentine's Day. If that sentence wasn't enough to tip you off then know that I'm not a big fan of the holiday. So what is a guy to do to prepare himself f...

Vita card game Monster Monpiece comes to NA, EU

Some card images cut, though
Jan 21
// Dale North
Idea Factory International's first Vita game, Monster Monpiece, has been confirmed for North America and Europe today. This tactical card battle with RPG elements comes to PSN this spring.  If the name sounds familiar, ...
Max Scoville presents "Sexy Video Game News-Hole"
As you might've heard yesterday, I am back with Destructoid as full-time Video Warlock. And so, I've wasted absolutely no time whatsoever abusing my newfound power, and here's the first episode of my new show: Sexy Video Gam...


Get ready to spank: Saints Row IV: Enter The Dominatrix

Oct 23
// Dale North
We thought Saints Row: The Third expansion Enter the Dominatrix was some silly, horny internet thing. But it's real, and it's out today on the PSN, XBLA and Steam, priced at $6.99. If you've got a season pass, well, it'...

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