Jimquisition travels to another time and another place, examining a world taken over by gamer guys and their testosterone-addled inanity. Something must be done!
Fortunately, your ol' pal Jim Sterling is here to take those insincere culture thieves down a peg, and put gaming in the hands of those to whom it belongs. Welcome to the Sarkybastardverse, which is definitely a real thing now.
BREAKING: DESTRUCTOID LEADS THE ARMS RACE IN STUPID MILITARY DOMAIN NAMES
San Francisco, CA - Somewhere near Philz Coffee and 24th Street
It appears that EA has registered www.Battlefield13.com through www.Battlefield20.com, ...
In an effort to poke holes in NRA vice president Wayne LaPierre's belief that only a "good guy" with a gun can stop a "bad guy" with a gun, Paolo Pedercini has created The Best Amendment, a satirical PC game, report...
[Destructoid turns 7 next week! Here's our most popular article from January 2009, one of Jim's first features. Check out more of our earlier works in our Golden Archives. -Niero]
People have been hunched over their PCs, firing rockets into the faces of their friends since Doom. The ability to play a game against real human opponents via a network changed the face of the industry and helped shape the scene we are now a part of. Over the years, we have seen the world's largest network, the Internet, expand to phenomenal heights and with it, gaming too has grown in ways that were once never thought possible.
Gaming over the Internet is now a major part of the hobby we all hold dear, and as titles like Halo rose to bring more and more mainstream attention to multinational fragests, we have seen online gaming become one of the most integral facets of the industry. With mainstream attention, it has also brought with an influx of new, fresh-faced gamers who have logged on with wanton abandon, unwitting of the rules that we have held dear as digital war veterans for millenias untold. At least outside of the PC universe, online gaming is full of people who perhaps do not understand the ettiquete and courtesy that comes with the territory.
For these people, Destructoid has the answer. If your copy of Halo just hit your mailbox, or even more urgently, if you started playing online years ago and have never even been through basic training, this is the guide for you. Hit the jump to finally learn how to be an online gamer with these crucial rules. A doorway into a world of elite playing pleasure is yours for the opening.
I have of late been subject to some strange occurrences. Some may even say ... frightening ... circumstances. Indeed, the things I have seen make me so very grateful for the inability of the human mind to truly understand our universe in all its vastness. We strive, in our small way, to know. We want to know everything, but we know merely a sliver, and should we ever expose ourselves to more, we may all go mad.
This week, Father of Dreams and visionary game director David Cage hosts the show and tells us all about emotion. Emotion. Emotion.
What is it like to feel? What can videogames learn from film? How well does David know Ellen Page? Watch this soul-scorching video and prepare to be impressed. Emotion.
Mortal Kombat has another live-action movie in the works, and it's probably not going to be very good. That doesn't mean it has to be awful, though. The right blend of actors can turn any film, no matter how cynical, into a classic worthy of the Oscars. Yes, even a videogame movie!
As a budding Hollywood producer, I have slaved over hot data and juicy demographics with my crack team to scientifically distill a perfect Mortal Kombat movie cast -- the actors and actresses qualified above all else to bring this classic fighting game franchise to life. Including our conceptual mockups, we hope to present this to George Lucas himself, so he may give us his almighty blessing.
[Destructoid turns 7 on March 16, 2013! I'm celebrating early by repairing some of my favorite articles from our Wordpress days. You'll be able to browse this original collection soon -- "Destructoid's Golden Archives" is hereby instituted to preserve the best work of our former editors. It's also nice to see Burch on the home page again. -Niero]
Games journalism criticism is a young field of business. As with any emerging practice it often likes to talk about itself, not because games writers are pretentious masturbatory bastards, but because we care to do the best job possible for those that patron our publications (that's you). We're also in the business of perfectly aligning our critiques with the commercial successes of games, otherwise we're big fat liars who stole your money. Wait, what?
In this latest episode of game dudes over-scrutinizing our craft, I present you three fascinating pieces of contemporary literature: A writer accusing the gaming press of a cover-up conspiracy (seriously?!) to preaching widespread embargo apocalypse, an editor-in-chief semi-apologizing for previews that may wasted his readers time, and a peculiar piece on Buzzfeed on whether or not sites like Destructoid are capable of ever truthfully assessing a product. The latter, of course, was received with a brutal tongue-lashing from his brighter contemporaries.
The entire argument at its core, if I may be blunt, asserts that gaming consumers are morons easily led astray by the gaming press because we are optimistic about our hobby. If you agree with this, I'd like to bite your face.
Earlier this week, Nintendo's Shigeru Miyamoto claimed his company had failed to "communicate the value" of the Wii U to consumers, a turn of phrase that struck me as quite amusing. As a fan of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, all I could think of was the first stage of Dennis Reynolds' system of seduction, the D.E.N.N.I.S. System, whereby he "demonstrates value" to sucker a woman into falling for him.
After thinking about it (and reading the Destructoid community's reaction to the Nintendo/Dennis connection), I started to realize Nintendo and Always Sunny's lecherous sociopath have way more in common, and that the D.E.N.N.I.S. System may well be applied to the company's business strategy in its entirety.
Nintendo might be taking lessons from the show as it perfects the art of seducing fans and breaking their hearts for its own sordid gains.
There are few boxes as anticipated as BioShock Infinite, the long awaited box to prequels BioShock Limited Edition and BioShock for the PlayStation 3.
Irrational Games, known as 2K Boston during BioShock's release, made waves in the industry with critics and boring, ordinary game-playing people alike, in 2007. BioShock was everything boxes didn't dare to do at the time: It was bold, beautiful, and it had a message. You looked at that box and it spoke to the soul. It said, "Open me, stick me in your game box, and have a randy dandy time." We gaming folk finally discovered what true art is and why it's worth talking about all the dang time on NeoGAF.
After getting several hours of eyes-on ophthalmic exploration of Irrational's much anticipated follow-up, I have to say that BioShock Infinite is not the box we deserve.
The Wii U has had a chance to settle in North America, and just recently hit shelves in Europe. The question on everybody's lips is, of course -- is the Wii U the best home console in the world, and should I throw away every other expensive electronic device in my house out of pure spite?
The answer to both those questions is, of course, yes. Smash it all. Including your television. You won't need that anymore, because the GamePad basically is one.
More importantly, you must know the Wii U is better than the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 combined, because its release has been and always will be a gigantic pissing contest. It's not just better, in fact -- it's blatantly better. Find out why.
Thomas Truong, the man responsible for the excellent New Adventures of Podtoid, has been working on another project, and it's quite glorious. He's gone and taken a section of an old article I wrote, How Xbox Live is Blatantl...
I'll admit to not being the world's biggest Halo fan, so it took me by surprise to find out that Microsoft had changed Halo 4's name since I last saw it at E3, deciding instead to call it Halo 4: King of the Hill Powered by M...
This year, two reigning incumbents are looking to win themselves a second term of power. I am, of course, talking about president-elect of the United States, Barack Obama, and president-man of the eighth console generation, the Wii home entertainment gaming family device.
Really, the difference between the two situations is practically non-existent. Both became world leaders from humble and unlikely beginnings. Both have won praise and criticism for their unorthodox ways. Both have great marketing departments. Also, Obama said "videogames" once a few years ago, so he is totally videogame-related and that makes this post okay.
Anyway, the point is, this upcoming election is not about Obama vs. Romney. It's clearly about Obama vs. the Wii U, and I urge you all to cast your vote for Nintendo this November. Why? Because the Wii's reign was blatantly better than Barack Obama's reign, and the Wii U shall logically run America better.