hot  /  reviews  /  videos  /  cblogs  /  qposts

10 videogame characters who do not give a f*ck

6:00 PM on 12.02.2013 // AboveUp
  @aboveup

Promoted from our f*ckin' Community Blogs!

[Dtoid community blogger AboveUp gave just enough f*cks to write this blog... and that's about it. WARNING: There are a lot of naughty words in this post. You've been f*ckin' warned! --Mr Andy Dixon]

Videogame characters get tasked with the most impossible of missions all the time. Beating up entire cities, fighting swarms upon swarms of monsters, singlehandedly winning wars against the worst of odds. A normal person would crack under these circumstances. Videogame characters don't though. They don't even care. When sh*t hits the fan, they don't give a f*ck and just do what they have to do.

Whatever the f*ck that even means.

Terry Bogart (Fatal Fury, King of Fighters)

The announcer is counting down, the fight is about to start. A muscular American giant is standing in front of you. Blond hair, blue eyes, and a massive grin as he adjusts his cap. He looks you over before loudly shouting "Are you okay?!!" Only to launch forward to punch you in the face a second later.

Terry Bogard does not give a single shit about you, or this world-wide tournament. Unless your name is Geese Howard, Terry Bogard will remain friendly and cheerful towards you outside of battle. He created his very own fighting style of coolness just to enter the tournament and meet with Geese, just to beat the crap out of him.

Goombas (Super Mario Bros)

Holy shit, not just one guy that doesn't give a fuck about anything, we've got an entire damned race that doesn't give a shit. Ever marching onward no matter what's in their path, Goombas aren't known for caring about anything. They have no goals, no regard for life, don't hold grudges. All they do is walk in a straight line.

Originally sent in to stop a plumber from saving royalty, they don't even seem to really care about that either. Absolutely no effort goes into their objective as they just casually walk onward both towards and away from Mario. Mario on the other hand, will go to any extent to destroy and kill as many Goombas as he wants. Are they afraid of this homicidal maniac? Fuck no, if any creature in the world of videogames did not give on single fuck about anything, it'd have to be Goombas.

Red (Pokemon Red)

Holy shit, it's the goddamned Pokemon Trainer! Wait? What's so bad-ass about a trainer of little animals? Are you kidding me? Red is a damned legend! Just look at the basic powers of your everyday Pokemon, captured within a technological marvel in terms of storage space, they defy all the laws of nature on a regular basis.

And Red? He doesn't give a flying fuck about this. He'll cause Earthquakes, leveling entire cities, just to beat a small-time trainer out of some loose change. Red will fly from town to town using his mighty legendary birds just to find more creatures to enslave. When word came out of a secret cloned Pokemon being sighted in a cave, he was the first to get in there and capture him. He even brought back three races of Pokemon previously thought to be extinct, just for bragging rights.

An entire underground network of thugs stood between him and his road to glory, and he singlehandedly dealt with all of them because fuck relying on authorities. You know who else stood in Red's way? Ash Ketchum. During the Pokemon League. Guess where Ash's journey to the top of the Pokemon League ended? Exactly.

You know who else stood in Red's way? Gary. Enough said.

Jimmy Lee (Double Dragon)

Why not Billy? Fuck you, that's why. Billy was a wuss who fought to save his girlfriend, a girl only remembered for gaming's first pop-culture upskirt. Billy fought through hundreds, if not thousands of color-coordinated thugs to get his girl back.

Jimmy on the other hand fought for the hell of it. He didn't have anything better to do at the time. So when the opportunity rose to crack some skulls and help his brother out, Jimmy went and fucking took it. And like a true-blue player-fucking-two motherfucker, Jimmy went and beat the shit out of his brother after they ran out of thugs to beat.

Jimmy's not just some player two standing there by the side-lines. He's out there to beat the shit out of anyone standing in his way. Including the so-called player one.

Fuck Billy.

Mario (Super Mario Bros)

Holy shit, it's motherfucking Mario. Look at him, look at how many fucks he gives. Absolutely none, that's how many. Fuck.

Just look at that smile, that happy, care-free look. His girl just got kidnapped by a giant fire-breathing dinosaur, and he has to travel all across the globe just to get a chance at getting a kiss on the cheek from her, and does this worry him? Is he angry? Fuck no, Mario is fucking ready for any challenge.

Even just being a piece of paper doesn't worry him in the slightest. No, Mario just fucks shit up like a champ. He'll save his lady and then throw a fucking party, or challenge his biggest rival to a friendly game of tennis, 'cause fuck, he doesn't give a shit.

Kirby (Kirby's Dreamland)

Holy fuck, are you seeing this? Look at that fucker's eyes, that mouth; Kirby is stoic as fuck.

Dreamland is in trouble? Starvation is rampant since King Dedede stole all the food? The Star Rod was stolen? What? It was only stolen so that the fabric of reality wouldn't get torn by some random douchebag? Who even gives a shit? Kirby's fucking got this. He'll swoop in on those idiots and crash into them riding a stars.

What? Kirby's pink, and pink is girly and lame? Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how fucking awesome the idea of killing some suckers by crashing into them with stars is.

How little does Kirby care? He was challenged to a swordfight, one on one, on top of a crashing airship. He accepted, won, and casually strolled his way out of the ship. That is how many fucks Kirby gives about safety.

How many bad games can you name that Kirby starred in? Oh? Zero? That's right, and Kirby doesn't give a shit what you think about the difficulty on his games either. If every game character gave as few fucks as Kirby, every game would have been a lot easier.

Etna (Disgaea)

Remember when sidekicks used to help the main hero? No? Neither does Etna. Tasked with the objective to keep Laharl alive, one that she succeeded in despite numerous attempts to take his life, Etna gives absolutely not one single fuck about any of the events of Disgaea.

The Prinnies she hired? Canon fodder. That hero character she's traveling along with? Just a platform to meet her own goals. Her title? She hacked that.

Fuck, she even outgrew in rank way past the position of main character. Who was on the center of Disgaea 2's box art again? Etna. Who is in more Makai games than any other major character? Etna. Who does the narration for the next episode parts, derailing it into whatever the fuck she wants? Etna.

Slayer (Guilty Gear)

Classy as fuck. Just look at this bloodsucker here, Slayer might be part of the Guilty Gear series, but he doesn't give a fuck about what the hell is going on.

Where most of the cast of Guilty Gear is either over-the-top hotblooded or heroically stoic, Slayer just really doesn't give a shit. And why should he? He's immortal. There's absolutely nothing at stake for him him. Even if you beat him down, he'll still just lay on the floor with a bored expression on his face.

His entire moveset shows that he really doesn't care. Blocking with his cigar's smoke, and one-hit-killing people by merely citing a haiku. Without a single doubt, he's the strongest person in the entire franchise, and he knows how little's at stake for him. He's just here to observe, give advice, and maybe punch the odd person in the face.

Spelunker (Spelunky)

It's time to hide your gold, and hide your damsels, because we've got god damned Spelunker running around in here.

You know how heroes run around trying to save some princess, or to stop some evil villain? Fuck all of that, the Spelunker only cares for one thing, and that's loot. Loot and ladies. And even then, he'd toss the girl if it'd give him more loot. He's facing all sorts of dangers down there in those caves, and does he give a fuck? Fuck no.

Spiders? Traps? Snakes? If he doesn't have shit to lunge at them, he'll toss a damned damsel at them. Giant Spiders? Fuck those things, he'll make a damned sticky bomb out of their dead body.

Heck, people have set up shop down there to help him in his explorations, and how does he pay them back? He kills them and steals their shotgun if the time is right.

If you get in between the Spelunker and his prize, your shit is about to get fucked up.

Mega Man (Mega Man)

Look at this guy. No seriously, look at him. This guy right here, he gives no fucks. This is him, the entire game long, minus changes in color. He's not tense, not sad, not angry. He just doesn't give a damn. Mega Man gives no fucks whatsoever.

Wily took over eight killer robots. He's planning to take over the world. Not only does Mega Man have to battle against those eight robots, he also has to go through their stages which are specifically designed to give them the strategic advantage. Think that's enough? Fuck no, Wily's got a fucking castle with even more killer robots inside there. And if that's not enough, after that Mega Man has to fight all eight robots again, before he can finally fight against the mad scientist himself.

And Mega Man gives zero fucks about any of this. It's cool. This has happened before. It'll happen again. Instant death spikes? Gigantic robots? Pits of death? Disappearing blocks? He doesn't give a shit.

Giving fucks hadn't been invented yet; X was the first robot designed to do that. Mega Man plays it cool.



AboveUp,
 Follow Blog + disclosure aboveup

This blog submitted to our editor via our Community Blogs, and then it made it to the home page! You can follow community members and vote up their blogs - support each other so we can promote a more diverse and deep content mix on our home page.



 Setup email comments

Unsavory comments? Please report harassment, spam, and hate speech to our moderators, and flag the user (we will ban users dishing bad karma). Can't see comments? Apps like Avast or browser extensions can cause it. You can fix it by adding *.disqus.com to your whitelists.

 Quickposts
Status updates from C-bloggers

RatCasket avatarRatCasket
dtoid discussion has been awfully bitchy these past couple of days. knock it off. its just video games.
StripyTrousers avatarStripyTrousers
Just posted my first Dtoid Community blog. Hello all!
ChillyBilly avatarChillyBilly
Good Morning Good Morning We've talked the whole night through Good Morning Good Morning to you Good Morning Good Morning It's great to stay up late Good Morning Good Morning to you
Daniel Lingen avatarDaniel Lingen
#PAX2015
Agent9 avatarAgent9
gonna help my mom move and pack some things. what it means is I'm gonna sit and get yelled at whether I do or do not do something. I can't be the only one with a picky parent that expects nothing less than clairvoyance (-_-)
WryGuy avatarWryGuy
If some weren't aware, Phil/Mike Martin needs some help right now but can't access traditional donation avenues like Paypal on his own. I'm offering to be a middle man. I'm also offering to match 50% moving forward right now. [email protected]
OverlordZetta avatarOverlordZetta
At first I thought it would be fun. Then more ideas came, so I kept adding. More! More! But soon it just became stubbornness. Now, as I stare at 10000 words of meandering loon about a subject I'd almost rather be porn, I must question all my life choices.
Fenriff avatarFenriff
Someone on Gamefaqs asking the real questions. How mad would you be if halfway through the Mad Max game he stumbles upon a tribe of kids and the rest of the game is a lighthearted romp?
MeanderBot avatarMeanderBot
I think, for my first try, I drew a pretty damn good Ryu, if I do say so myself [img]https://www.filepicker.io/api/file/edB8UKLdSZep8ZSOYF8u[/img]
RexterNathan avatarRexterNathan
Really sad that Wes Craven has passed away. He made really fun films.
CJ Andriessen avatarCJ Andriessen
R.I.P. Wes Craven. I'll always remember you for A Nightmare On Elm Street, Scream and Red Eye. I'll try not to remember you for Music of the Heart.
OverlordZetta avatarOverlordZetta
So apparently Nintendo is taking down Mario Maker Let's Plays as fast as they can. Good job!
Snaveage avatarSnaveage
Phantom Pain is fucking glorious.
IDrawOnTape avatarIDrawOnTape
Anyone remember the cartoon "Freakazoid"? I'm doing artwork for a box for work to hold my supplies, but I cant remember some of the better characters. Freakazoid, Steph, Cosgrove, Candlejack, the Lobe, Caveguy... but who else?
TheAngriestCarp avatarTheAngriestCarp
Gotta love all those Dtoid community members that magically appear whenever there's a giveaway.
DSBrad avatarDSBrad
Newest Madden may be one of my favorites. Been taking all my time up.
TheDefenestrator avatarTheDefenestrator
TWITCHTOID! I'll be playing some more PS4 Zombi and then some Until Dawn if'n I want to change things up. Link: [url=http://www.twitch.tv/thedefenestrator]Twitch.tv: TheDefenestrator[/url]
Fenriff avatarFenriff
Bless Wasteland 2's custom portraits [img]http://i.imgur.com/JuWaB1W.png?1[/img]
James Internet Ego avatarJames Internet Ego
Sorting out a bunch of university stuff and going through a bit of writers block. I'm also holding some of my best stuff back for freelancing purposes (uni ain't cheap!), so sorry if my blogs have been a bit lackluster lately. And will be for 4-ish weeks.
gajknight avatargajknight
Been looking for a car to buy today. I swear, I am so sick of my mums voice. "It's too expensive!" "Don't you think it's a little big..." "INSURANCE!" Goddamn woman, chill your beans.
more quickposts


Contest!


Seriously

Invert site colors

  Dark Theme
  Light Theme


Destructoid means family.
Living the dream, since 2006

Pssst. konami code + enter

modernmethod logo



Back to Top


We follow moms on   Facebook  and   Twitter
  Light Theme      Dark Theme
Pssst. Konami Code + Enter!
You may remix stuff our site under creative commons w/@
- Destructoid means family. Living the dream, since 2006 -